leaving 10 week old baby girl with OH

[katymayday]

Hello, I could really do with any tips or advice on leaving my baby with her dad for short periods of time. She is breastfed and I have been expressing milk for her which she is reasonably happy to take when I'm not there. The longest I had left her for was an hour up until 2 weeks ago when she started spending an afternoon with her grandparents once or twice a week. She was fine then. Main issue is that the few times I have left her with him for an hour while I've gone out, he tells me she's been screaming and wouldn't take the bottle. One evening last week I had to go out for 2 1/2 hours to play a gig and had asked him to also watch her for an hour before so I could get ready. It was impossible for me not to intervene as I could hear her screaming her head off and when I did finally make it out the door I was racked with guilt and was worried sick. She can be unsettled and cranky in the evenings and can be hard work. His attitude is very much that it's ok for me as I can just put a boob in her mouth and it calms her down. My attitude is, yes but I need to get a bit of my life back and be able to feel confident to leave her with him. We are both new to this whole thing and didn't have a rock solid, long term relationship before she arrived. We do live together and as I'm on maternity leave I have done the vast majority of her care since she came along so she is more used to me as a result. Please help.
thank you

She's 10 weeks old, give the whole 'getting your life back' some more time. You will get your life back, but maybe establish dd's a little more first? She's only tiny and yes, she will want a boob in her mouth so for the next few months I'd give it.

I totally disagree.

It's perfectly fine to leave her. You are lewving her with her other parent, whom you trust, and with a supply of food. I ebf two babies and you do not need to be permanently attached to them, if that isn't your style. I was going out for meals when dd1 was about two months old, and to evening classes when dd2 was four weeks old, only for three hours but still, enough for me to have my own time and my own life.

He needs to find his own way to soothe her and you need to let him, even if it means leaving the house earlier. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Has he tried putting her in the pram for a walk, or taking her out in the car?

She is so young.

I know it feels an age - but you won't get your life back. Your life is different now, you cannot expect to carry on as before as you now have a baby!

That doesn't mean that you have to give up the idea of freedom etc - just give it a bit more time. Your oh is right - it is easier for you to settle baby. There aren't many ten week olds that settle easily for others of an evening despite what some might say.

Your oh might feel under pressure and baby will pick up on his tension.

Wait until she's less unsettled in the evening then try again.

By the time both my DC were 10 weeks old I was back at work full time and learnt to settle for others. Sisters not twins.

To be fair my DH was a very hands on parent from immediately after the births and was very good at settling them, Certainly before 10 weeks I was able to go,out whilst he looked after them. I think it helps that I was also a very laid back mum who always knew I would be returning to work within 3 months so I was happy for other family members to feed, hold and settle them if they were visiting.

I would suggest getting oh involved as much as possible when you are there. If he only takes over when you go out it will take forever to get baby settled.

I left my breast fed dd with my DP for two full days at about 6 weeks. Expressed off in advance so she had plenty of food. Everything was fine and dad and daughter had some bonding time. It may not work for everyone but you need to do what feels right for you. Your DD does have two parents after all. Dp is out with dd for the next hour or two, she is 9 weeks tomorrow and they have popped round to Dp's grandparents.

We find with our dd that putting her in a sling will allow her to settle with either of us.

Thank you all for your advice and for sharing your experience, it's been a big help. I have to work tonight in my 2nd job for the 1st time since baby arrived 9-1am and hoping for the best! It's only one night a week though thankfully. Have had a talk with OH about different tactics he can try with her if she won't settle. Have milk, sling, pram and car seat at the ready so I just have to hope that these along with cuddles and gentle soothing help. I think that he does need to be more involved when I'm here and that's something I will talk to him about this evening. I do have to return to my full time job at some point too so this has to somehow start happening.