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Parenting

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Original poster

OMG, I hope he's joking, but....

33 replies

squishy · 30/08/2006 19:02

DH, who in a few months will be a SAHD to our unborn baby, has just asked me if he can leave the baby alone for half an hour to go for a bike ride (or 10 mins to go to the shops). My answer was a (very shocked and resounding) NO but apart from knowing this is something you just don't do, I don't know why! He keeps saying how could it be any worse (assuming LO is settled and asleep) than him falling asleep downstairs for a couple of hours.....

Any help, please ?!?!

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KBear · 30/08/2006 19:03

hit him over the head with a plank.

Original poster

squishy · 30/08/2006 19:04

LOL, I know, but he's serious (I think, he keeps coming back with semi-rational points!)

OP posts:

pageturner · 30/08/2006 19:07

Well, your house might catch fire, someone might break in, your baby could choke. When would he stop doing it? When the baby can sit up? Stand? Climb over the bars? Best not to start.

Dh's cousin told me once she regularly left her ds in his cot while she went to the shop using the same arguments as your dh. I was horrified. Please talk him out of it.

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fattieSlapper · 30/08/2006 19:09

tell him that its perfectly ok for him to leave him for a few minutes. justring you and let you know when he does so yuo can get A DIVORCE LAWYER!

give him a smack with the frying pan..it might knock his brain back into place

Original poster

squishy · 30/08/2006 19:09

I'm trying, that's why I'm asking for help.

His arguments are that he wouldn't wake up if those things happened anyway.

Am having serious panic issues about whether have made stupid decision.

Am hoping he's just being devil's advocate.

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NotQuiteCockney · 30/08/2006 19:10

It's perfectly normal in some countries, I've heard. I don't see why it isn't safe, but it isn't culturally acceptable in the UK (or Canada or the US).

I was recently on holiday in a resort with my two DSes (and no DH), and took to going running in the evenings, when the kids were down, but looping by the cottage every 3-4 minutes. Door locked, both kids asleep. It worried me to do it, but I really did need to run.

threebob · 30/08/2006 19:10

When you have the baby he will get some sense. You might want to point out you don't leave a child in the bath though.

You take them to the shops and once they are older they can go on a bike seat for the bike ride.

He's not allowed to stay asleep downstairs - and I bet the baby doesn't let him either.

Has he spent a lot of time with children?

NotQuiteCockney · 30/08/2006 19:10

I think he's being pretty rational. Unfortunately, child safety isn't a rational issue.

Mum2FunkyDude · 30/08/2006 19:11

Hmmm, is this the first one? My dh was a tiny bit "irrational" too in the beginning, but became mr paranoia after the birth.

I think you ought to take him to an antenatal meeting and challenge him to put his question to the room!!!!!!!!

Good luck, I hope you can get his mind straight, by the way he will be so exhausted anyway that he won't want to go for a bike ride, he will not sleep much either, because when they go to sleep you tend to want to do basic things for yourself, like, eat, bath, pee.....etc.

Furball · 30/08/2006 19:16

Also if the baby was sick in the cot it could choke. Okay he might not hear that if he was asleep, but why take the chance? If you get a baby monitor he would hear the slightest noise and he could keep the receiver by him.

You may well find once the baby is here he goes completely the other way and wont leave him/her alone!

lemonaid · 30/08/2006 19:16

Do you have a smoke alarm? If not, you should have one. If you do, then he WOULD wake up if a fire started because the smoke alarm would go off.

Eeek · 30/08/2006 19:18

Um - minor point perhaps but it's illegal to leave a child under 14 on their own isn't it?

NotQuiteCockney · 30/08/2006 19:20

No, it's not, Eeeek. If something bad happens, after you've left a child alone, the police may charge you, but it's not actually illegal.

Franny started a thread on this exact subject ages ago, and it got quite exciting. I'll see if I can find it.

Original poster

squishy · 30/08/2006 19:21

Mum2 - yes, it is our first and I wonder if the paranoia will strike once born. I did suggest he ask at the ante-natal class this week. His response was that they would all react like I did and not have an answer for him! I suggested he pose it to the other Dad's when they're alone and see what their reaction is.

I did ask how long he thought he'd be sleeping during the day for and he said whenever the baby sleeps as he'd be sleep deprived (he may have a point, as I'm the one working, he's agreed that he will ensure I can get sleep at night!).

He should know that child safety isn't rational, he's worked in Social Care for a long time (perhaps this is why he has a slightly cavalier attitude - he's seen so much worse).

He thinks that the baby won't wake him if he's asleep - I wonder if men change the same way women do when baby's are born? I could put the lights on and blow dry my hair and he wouldn't wake up!! Furball, I thought about monitor, but not sure he'd stir. That was one of my original points - choking baby and his response was, I could be in the house and not hear it...... grrrr

threebob, yes he has spent a lot of time with children, but not with tiny babies for a long time (since his youngest sister was born 18 years ago).

Seems like a good idea, NQC - we have a green outside our house, perhaps he could cycle around that!!

Yes, lemonaid, we do have a smoke alarm, had forgotten about that!!

Thanks everyone, will start the next bout of persuasion soon.... am just hoping he will soften and change when it's born (plus, he's pretty lazy, am not sure he'd want to be bike riding in the winter!)

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 30/08/2006 19:24

Here is the previous thread on this subject.

If he doesn't wake when the baby wakes, in the night, you will have bigger things to worry about, as you will wake in the night to wake him, and you will both get quite fractious, I bet.

zdl · 30/08/2006 19:27

Why can't he bung the baby in pushchair and take baby with himself to shops?

For exercise he can get a turbo trainer and cycle hard next to the baby indoors (the roar used to send ds to sleep quite nicely).

Original poster

squishy · 30/08/2006 19:27

Oh, yes, NCQ, I've warned him about what will happen if he doesn't wake in the night

I really hope he's just being flippant about it now. I don't think he has a clue of the sort of impact this will have on our lives!! yet!

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Original poster

squishy · 30/08/2006 19:33

Thanks for posting the link to that thread, NCQ, am about a fifth of the way through, but it's very interesting!

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terramum · 30/08/2006 19:52

I would simply be concerned about the baby waking up, crying to get attention then feeling abandoned when no-one comes to him or her...then of course theres the possibility that the baby could cry & scream so much it vomits & chokes. Cant bare to even think about a poor baby being left so far from its carer

chipkid · 30/08/2006 20:03

if he has worked in social care he must realise that if the local child protection team got wind of a baby being left alone they would soon have said baby on child protection register.

intergalacticwalrus · 30/08/2006 20:07

He'll soon be worrying about knives leaping out of closed drawers etc when the baby is born, so I don;t think it'll be a concern.

FeelingOld · 30/08/2006 20:09

What if he got knocked off his bike, banged his head and was unconscious? No one would know baby was alone!!

Scoobydooooo · 30/08/2006 20:12

Ermm the simple fact is you are not allowed to do this & if a baby gets found in a house alone he will lose his child all together, or if god forbid there was a fire..

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/08/2006 20:13

I think he might change his tune once baby is born.

satine · 30/08/2006 20:17

Yeah, although he's cavalier about your baby's safety now, I reckon he'll be like an old mother hen when he or she is born. At least I hope so!!

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