Lots of children close in age. Have you done it?

[Posey]

A friend of mine has just told me she is pregnant, expecting baby number 4. When this one is born, the twin boys will have just turned 3 and the daughter will be 18months. She is absolutely delighted to be expecting again, they planned their family like this, so of course I'm really chuffed for them that all their dreams are coming true.

I just wondered if anyone else has a similar size family and small age range. My 2 are are 5.5 years apart, not planned that way, but we didn't even think about number 2 til dd was 3!
How do you cope? Do you ever get time just for you? Do you have a lot of family support?
Just curious really. Good job we're not all the same

I think I would die.

My Mum had 4 in a row almost. Well, 4 under the age of 6. I was 3 months when she got pg with my bro1, then I was 3 with bro2 and 6 when bro3 was born. So, she had children of 6, 5, 3 and 0. Then I was 15 when my sis was born. I dont remember feeling bad about it .....we just got on with it. We didnt have any childminder or nanny or cleaner. I dont suppose she did have any time to herself but Mum says she wouldnt change a thing. As long as she doesnt want me to do the same then its fine!

We only have 3 boys and ours aren't as close in age as your friend but when DS3 was born last september DS1 was 4yrs5months and DS2 was 2yrs 3months.

In answer to your questions
1)How do we cope?
We just do, I can't keep up with the washing but thats the only bad thing. I think it was harder going from 1-2 than 2-3. I can't remember what it was like to have just 2 now.
2)Time for just me?
I get 1.5 hours a week to go shopping at Asda....does that count? As a couple we haven't been out together alone since DS3 was born and probably only a few times since DS2 was born. Dh has been out but I choose not to, We've had lots of babysitting offers but I just don't want to and besides I couldn't be bothered with all the faff of getting dressed and made up.
3)Family support?
My family live 70 miles away and Dh's Mum lives 120 miles away, his brother and sister in law lives just around the corner but have young children too .

BTW I love my life and all the havoc 3 young children create, yes it is hard work and I do shout and scream at times but it's great fun and if DH agreed I'd have another baby tomorrow.

I had 3 in just under 4 years - dd1 in Feb 2000, ds in Feb 2002, and dd2 in Nov 2003. We planned the first 2 this way, we wanted about 2 years between them, although we hadn't evisaged it being so accurate (3rd and 6th Feb!). Dd2 was a genuine mistake as I had a mirena coil which fell out. But I'm glad it worked out that way - if it was going to fall out I'm glad it fell out after a year and not after 4 years, I wouldn't have wanted to go back to having a baby after such a big gap, it was hard enough to go back to getting up and changing thousands of nappies every day after 2 years, it would have been far worse for me to do it after a longer break.

How do we cope? - like Emma we just do. Washing is my problem too! We are lucky enough that I can be at home full time whcih is what we both wanted, and dh earns enough that we can afford a cleaner and some childcare too!.
Time for me? When the older two are at the childminder. I have a couple of ongoing projects - training to be a breastfeeding counsellor and I have a little craft business, that I do on my 'day off' - though since dd2 was borna lot of that day has been spent sleeping!!!
Family? All live a long way away - we're in the Outer Hebrides, family are on the mainland and in Northern Ireland. MIL in Belfast has been a lifesaver, she's dropped everything to come over a couple of times when I was very ill with PND. But we rely on ourselves, and we're a close family unit. DH always gets home for tea and bedtime, he works in the evening rather than staying late.
We go out together once a month - we have a regular babysitter booked for that, and we also are lucky in that our older kids go to bed at 7.30 and sleep all night and dd2 is now going down about 8, so we have time to ourselves in th evening.
We didn't plan it like this, but are glad this is how it works out - we cant remember life without dd2 now. 2-3 was certainly easier than 1-2, despite my ill health.
But now VERY glad the vasectomy all clear has been given - we wouldnt want any more, thats for sure!!!!

I had dd2 when dd1 was 2yrs 1mth, and i have to honestly say that i spent the next year wondering what the hell i had done. Thats just me though, small age gaps suit some people.
I didn't leave that big a gap between dd2 and ds either (dd was 3 when he was born), but that extra year made alot of difference IMO.

Message withdrawn

My aunt and uncle have 9 kids altogether and the biggest gap between one child and the next is 18 months. In some cases there is actually less than 9 months between one and the next as she gave birth to a couple of preemies. They have no family close by and live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Not something I would ever wish to emulate!

I have 3 children under 4 and a half. 2 boys and a girl. number one-a boy born nov 1999, number2 - a girl born sept 2001, and number 3-a boy born 6 weeks ago. Yes the washing is horrendous, and just when i think i can see the bottom of the basket, it starts to fill up again!!! thank heavens for washing machines. How do i cope?!.....dont make excess work for myself!!!! I do all my shopping online and have a weekly rota for housework and a decent bedtime routine(they are in bed by 7!) Sounds very strict but it works! I am very lucky that i have a great hubby who will do absloutely anything and everything that needs doing which really helps. Would I have anymore.....!? Absolutely!!! My cousin has 10 kids!!!

About to embark. DS1 born Jan 2001 DS2 born Oct 2002, ?? due June 2004.

Having hard time imagining how I will cope at the minute I must admit.

I don't understand how Moms of many preschoolers manage safety issues; I seem to spend huge amounts of time trying to keep my kids out of the road, from swallowing things they shouldn't, from not damaging things. They want to run off in the park or shopping centres or everywhere. They object whenever we want to leave somewhere and the objections get exponential as when one finally agrees to leave, the other one has gone off and started playing again, so strops and suddenly wants to stay. The 4yo is about to use a hairdryer to set fire to the carpet upstairs while the 2yo is reaching for scissors or hot grill downstairs. Or just found the paints and enjoying turning the carpet a new colour. Honestly, washing or cooking for many I can cope with, but keeping an eye on them, esp. in public places, almost impossible!!

we have 3 under 5 (ok, sorry about my old nickname!) - dd1 born 07/99, dd2 born 03/01 and ds born 11/03. It is hardgoing sometimes and the laundry really gets on top of me, too. Dd2 has special needs and I always feel guilty that I don't do enough with her and that the house is too noisy because of the others. I feel guilty that dd1 doesn't get much quality time with me because I'm either busy or knackered, and whilst I'm certainly no advocate of leaving babies to cry ds has been left to cry more often than I'd like because I've had to deal with one of his sisters. I also find that if I'm not very organised everything goes to pot - sometimes I could do with a checklist for critical times such as getting everybody ready in the morning, bed times etc. Add to this that ds still doesn't sleep well at all and that our dds get up at 5:30-6am (must sort out some blackout blinds!) and it's all very much like hard work at the moment!
I've got an easy life compared to most at the moment as dh is doing a full time postgrad course at uni and is home lots, so he often does school/nursery runs etc and also some of dd2's medical appointments. I don't go anywhere with all of them on my own!!! Walking to/from school is as adventurous as I get - everything else I do when dd1 (who is not terribly well behaved with me) is at school. Dd2 also goes to nursery quite a lot so that helps (we don't have any friends or family nearby to help with the children).
It is stressful but the precious moments you get when they all enjoy each other's company make up for it.

Dd1 april 92, dd2 dec 96, ds1 nov 98, ds2 feb 01. No family support really. I find it very hard going, esp as ds2 is disabled, and I am currently drowning under all his extra equipment.

3 in exactly 3 years

I had 3 in exactly 4 years - No 3 was due on my eldests 4th birthday, but ended up being a couple of weeks late.

When DD2 arrived, I had DD1 just turned 4, and DS1 who was 22 months.

My main problem was keeping up with the washing -still can't manage it and my youngest is now 4 Didn't have much family support as my mum works full-time and DH commutes daily into London, leaving home at 5am and not getting in until 7pm - has done this since DD1 was a baby.

As for time to myself - didn't have much really, although I tried to nip off for a couple of hours at the weekend for some shopping - usually ended up taking DD1 with me though.

Now they're older (8, 6 and 4), I'm still flying about trying to juggle everything. Thought it would get easier as they got older, but they have different needs now. Although they are at school/nursery, they have swimming/Brownies/after-school stuff that involves a lot of running around, and on top of that I'm now working part-time.

So although they've grown out of the temper-tantrums/running off etc part, things are just as pressured, if not more, with school runs/clubs/homework/work.

Sometimes I think back longingly of the days where I didn't need to be anywhere at a set time, I could spend all day at the park/beach - but at the time I remember looking forward to when they were older

I have 19 months between DD & Ds1, exactly 2 years between DS1 & DS2 & 2years 1 week between DS2 & DS3. DD was 5.5 when the 4th one arrived.

Life was fairly hellish when they were tiny, esp since DH worked long days until DS2 was 1 year old. I couldn't take them all out together, because I couldn't manage them all (esp DS2 who has ADHD), so we got into the habit of either splitting them between us, or 1 went out while the other watched the kids.

Father-in-law was a godsend & did a lot of "sitting" for the youngest 2.

I didn't feel they were getting enough time or attention, & found I was getting so stressed (& taking it out on them) that we rejigged our routine so that DH could work less hours & I started working part-time. We both worked shifts around the kids so that we both had some "away" time.

With hindsight I wouldn't have had so many, so close together- we tended to treat DD as a "big girl" when she was only 5.

Have to agree that with hindsight I would have either spread ours out more, or not had so many
We have gaps of 13 months, 3.4 years and 14 months, so dd1 was 5.9 when ds2 was born. We have a more difficult than usual one in the middle too - ds1 has Aspergers, and of course we had no idea about that when we decidd to go for a fourth..
Oldest will be 8 in July - things do get a bit easier, but it is hellishly tiring, I am grumpy a lot of the time, and I do worry that none of the children get as much time alone with one of their parents as they deserve.
But they are all wonderful creatures, and if I had to choose which one not to have had I couldn't possibly do it! The older pair play well together sometimes, and the younger two really enjoy each other's company, so there is something to be said for the year and a bit gap I think.