6 month old baby now relationship not so great

[C4ALR]

Hi,
My dh and I had out son 6 months ago and everything was amazing untill about a month ago, ds is not as 'easy baby' as people say, most evenings we don't have anymore than an hour to ourselves and then bedtime if ds isn't in the middle of us I am so tired I'm asleep before my head even hits the pillow.

We use to have a very active love life sorry if tmi, and I didn't expect it to be exactly the same after ds but not like this, my dh says he feels like we both just exist in the same house we hardly even talk let a lone anything else, i don't want our relationship to fade away but don't no what to do about it.

Ds is exclusively bf every 2-4 hours sometimes sooner so can't leave him with anyone for an evening to have some time together.

Has anyone experienced this type of thing and is it normal after a baby is born to be like this?

We are going through this exact thing too. Dd is 7 months and bloody hard work. Dh and I have been drifting apart :( we just have to keep talking and try to work out what we need from each other. We have come to the realisation that tthings won't be like they were for quite a while, but keeping talking is making us closer.

Dh has felt sidelined as i have had to focus on dd so much. I have felt left behind because he has continued to go out quite a bit. Talking about these issues has helped and we are trying to make things bbetter.

Even if we don't have the time that we used to, we know that we both still love each other to pieces and want to work to make things better.

Sometimes you do just have to exist together to get things done and just keep reminding yourselves it will pass and that there will come a time where you get time for yourselves and each other again. It can be very difficult though.

With my first it took quite a while for us to 'reconnect' (for lack of a better word) after birth. It was probably about 7/8 months after she was born, compounded by the fact I had PND so the time we did get together I was usually quite snappy and distant as that was how it affected me, and I was like it with with everyone.

We've not long had our second, five months ago and we had an evening out on Sunday for the first time- we didn't really have anything to say to each other But it does come back after a while.

We went through this for the first six months. Virtually every single moment of the day revolved around DD until she went to sleep and then we were utterly exhausted. We'd just sit and veg for an hour or so then go to bed. From speaking to others I understand this is fairly common.

Once DD hit 6/7 months she was a million times easier (and I stopped breastfeeding so could pass her to DP). And when
She started to crawl/walk she was even easier because she could entertain herself.

Chin up pet. The first six months are the hardest for a lot of parents. It does get better and the two of you will have time for each other soon.

I found the same thing. It eased off at about 9 months, but around the 6 month mark I was so exhausted that even when baby did go to bed early I only wanted to do the same myself. Sex was every ten days or so. I really felt my husband just did not get it wrt all the work of a baby and it didn't make me feel much more loving towards him, and conversely all he could see was that I got to stay home, play with baby and take naps and all he asked for was dinner and a tidy house. Around 9 months it clicked and we found a better routine that worked for us. Also that was when baby started crawling and pulling himself up so he became much more tired from physical activity!

Once we passed the first birthday it got much more fun and I started to get my energy back.

From my own experience and of most of my friends, this seems pretty common and normal. DS1 was a difficult baby - he was prem, had severe reflux and a total bottle refuser. He was also the ultimate Velcro baby so for the first 6 months or so of his life things were the same as for you. We kept telling each other that this is a phase and it will pass. Babies are not this needy in such an intense way forever.

Now we have DS2 and even though he's a much easier baby, we are back to that stage of having so little time for just me an DH but it's easier because we've been through it already iyswim.

Are you able to express so he can be left with someone with a bottle? Or can you feed him then maybe go out just for an hour for a walk or just one drink? Probably sounds pointless but even getting a short time together like this can help. With DS1 I would bf him, MIL would come round and look after him while we went for a quick drink/meal a a place 5 mins walk up the road. She would then ring when he wanted fed and we'd come home again. It took a while before we could do a proper night out, but those little breaks kept us going!

Yes, it's normal and common. They say that so many marriages end in divorce in the first year of being parents and I understand why! It does get easier, like a pp I found after the first birthday it gets better, I didn't leave DS overnight until he was over 1 as I wanted to be sure he was knew who he was being left with if that makes sense? So that helped, plus they just become a little less demanding and you aren't as sleep deprived.

In a nice way I'm glad other people have also experienced this as I was worried it was just us, ds caused a very difficult pregnancy right from conceiving then was born c sections nearly a month early as he stopped growing, when he was born the first 12-14 weeks he had severe colic so every waking moment he was crying and being cuddled to help him settle now at 6 months he has become a lot more content but still likes/needs to be on me constantly, which is lovely but very difficult.he refuses a bottle always has done but I have just purchased a tommie tippee cup and iv started weaning him so hopefully he will take milk from a cup instead of a bottle the little devil.

I work in a children's nursery so I thought motherhood would be a doddle as I'm a trained professional in childcare hahaha who was I kidding! :)

Thank you all for your replys makes me feel better to know we can will get through it !

It is

It's is nice to feel less alone! At times I have felt like we must be the only ones finding it so hard.

It does make you feel better to know you're not alone. Especially if (like us) you're surrounded IRL by family and friends with easy babies and they have no idea how difficult it can be. If it makes you feel any better DS1 is now a fabulous toddler, well behaved and can take him pretty much anywhere (dr and hairdresser not included!). I think all kids will go through a difficult phase so here's hoping DS has already been through his cos boy that was hard!

Is there anyone who can look after him for a little while? Even just an hour so that you can go for a walk or a coffee just the two of you. It's not a magic fix for relationship problems but if you rarely get time without ds it might be nice. I understand that it might be difficult with a clingy bottle refuser though.

One thing that has helped us a little bit is when we have money for petrol, going for a long drive, timed with dds Nap so we can chat while she sleeps. It's nice to have that time together.

I have got my mum that always offers to look after him but I worry that he's going to get hungry and get really upset, in abit of a stress head like that.

A drive sounds lovely but ds doesn't like the car seat very much so that is quite stressful at the best of times, I'm sure we will work it out marriages always have good and bad times I suppose it wouldn't be a normal marriage otherwise x

I think you are in one of the hardest parts - it does get easier in a few months as your baby will move onto solids and away from such frequent milk feeds - be kind I each other and Remember this is such a short time in your life

I would recommend trying to relax about leaving your baby with your mum - I know it hard but if you get gradually used to it that really will help

This is an easier age to start leaving them than if you wait till he is an older baby - much better he is used to it now in short bursts

You and your dh could just go for a coffee near your house?

Will your baby take a bottle? Mine was a bottle refuser who suddenly at 7 months took one - it was such an incredible relief !

As long as I no people do get through it, we have both said we both need to make an effort to make time for each other and to talk to each other,

I am going to hav to leave him with my mum because I go back to work 32 hours a week in sept and my mums is having him, and no he won't take a bottle at all iv just started him on solids and a tommie tippee cup to see how we go with that

We've got a 7 mo and I can completely sympathise, it's not easy.

For us, I think the small things help - like remembering to kiss good morning, as dh leaves, etc, and sometimes just taking a minute to properly hug as ds plays on his own. Dh has started to leave me messages on the bathroom mirror that show up in the steam after he's gone to work, and we try to pay attention to each other (even if it doesn't often go anywhere).

If it helps, I've just, in the last few days, noticed that ds is more aware /able to entertain himself /ok left alone for a bit. I'm with you on the bf front, but if weaning goes well with you a 3 hour lunch say should be possible soon, if you fancy it xx

It's a difficult time! We rowed a lot - actually only got better around 8 months. One thing that helped was making sure we did something every weekend where we had time to chat. A long walk whilst ds hopefully napped etc.

I don't think my dh is romantic enough to leave me messages on the mirror that romantic stuff only lasted about a year ha.

I think like everyone saying we just need to make time for each other by doing little things

Thanks for all your comments ladies :) x