Having a terrible time here this week, I could do with some advice! DS1 is 2.6, going through a mild spout of terrible twos, has other issues which we are just starting to deal with (speech delay, some autistic traits, social communication difficulties). Our DS2 was born 3 weeks ago, DS1 has been ok but obviously has had to adjust quite a lot especially as I have not been able to spend as much time with him as before.
My mum is here for a week, 'helping out'. My parents are Finnish, but because of DS1's language difficulties we speak only English to him (DH is English). Me and my parents don't get on, I don't really go home anymore and they come visit a few times a year for a long weekend - last time was in March. My mum is, obviously, terrified that DS1 will never get to know her, she is desperate to have a role in his life and to be a grandma. This week, however, has been awful. DS1 has been crying, not wanting to play with my mum, refusing hugs and just screaming 'no!' and crying when she tries to speak to him. But my mum is so in-your-face, she has barged in, eg insisting to do his bath-time on the first day (DS1 in despair, 'who is this strange old lady poking me in my bath?'), keeps picking him up and poking him, sticking her face right in front of him and going 'give grandma a kiss' the way old ladies do - and basically never leaving him alone. I have given her guidance as to how to play with him (she has no idea what toddlers are into) and it's getting better but he is just so unhappy and keeps wanting his mummy. And my mum is really upset and has spent the whole week moping. We've had arguments, I am a hormonal sleep deprived mess what with constantly breastfeeding a newborn, and I don't know how to play this. My gut instict is to tell my mum to back off and give DS1 time to come round on his own. Any advice?