Almost 3.6 still not dry help

[cedar12]

Help can anyone give me any advice. My daughter is 3.5 is stil not dry. Started training at about 2.6 she has never been 100%. Lots of damp pants and trousers not getting to the toilet in times and also she is a night mare when playing with friends and wets her self fully or says she needs a wee but trouser already a bit wet. I am sure she knows when she needs to go as she has almost got it for a while then it all goes pear shaped and she just cant be bothered and just leaves it to late.She not interested in stickers, does anyone have any tips what about a chocolate button for every wee. We dont tell her off for wetting just ignore it now. My mum thinks chocolate will just make it in to a big deal and it should be just something she does and not have a fuss.Please help I am so fed up with it now all her friends are dry.

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Hi cedar12, you could be describing my dd! She is 3.2 and exactly like this. I don't have any advice I'm afraid as I'm at a loss too! Some days she is ok but others we go through 4 pairs of pants. We've been training since April. All her friends are dry too. She also poos her pants, almost without fail - does your dd do this too?

my ds2 is like this, he is 3.7.
He starts pre-school in on week, and I know that he will wet and soil himself there.
I am a little worried, but am hoping that he will get embarrasedenough and that will sort it out.
Frustratingly he is dry at night, so I know he can go, he knows when to go, and sometimes wets himself in protest at being on naughty step.
He starts on the 5th, it could be embarrrasing!

Absolutely agre with Orinoco - leave it for a few months. dd1 was over 3.6 before she was ready but once she was it was an overnight change from nappies to dry pants. Don't be swayed by pressure from other parents as all children are different and your dd is certainly not the first nor will be the last to take her time. She will be ready in HER own time - honestly she will!

My youngest daughter is 3.1 and wears pull ups, sometimes she'll go to the toilet fine, but when she forgets she has the pullups to catch it.

She does have days when she gets up and wants to copy her sister, by wearing knickers.

She can be dry for ages and using the toilet brilliantly and then goes off and poos her pants!!!

I don't know what to do as she starts nursery soon and i'd hate her to do that there.

Any advice please

Just to share: yy dd, 3.6, has only just become toilet trained. And this has been nothing to do with me - it seems to have been her own decision.
I badgered her months with rewards/stickers/pull-ups/no pants at all - everything, she was still having accidents and refused to go to the toilet.
Then there were a couple of days when I had to get a nanny to mind her while I went to work. When I got back from work, the nanny said, "I don't know why you say she isn't toilet trained - I;ve had her in normal pants all day and she's been fine!'And ever since then, she hasn't even had one accident.
I don't know how to explain it, but I'm very pleased!
For the mother who started the thread: 3.1 is still quite little. A lot of kids, my daycare lady tells me, aren't trained until they are four. I'm inclined to think I 'put my daughter off' by badgering her too much about it. If I ever have another baby, I think I'll just let him/her go at her own pace with it. I was tol by other people 'there comes a time when they decide for themselves that it's time to use the toilet' but I never believed it until I saw how it panned out (if you'll pardon the pun!) with my own dd!

Glad to know we are not the only ones thanks for all the support. From today i am going to chill out a bit. I agree with catherese1973 about the pressure it makes it worse. If only we could turn the clock back and start again I have had a stressful year and it probabley made things worse. Anyone who is about to start out dont let it get to you.

Have you thought about having her checked out by the GP to rule out a urinary tract infection?

Yeahbut:
were you talking to me about cloudy wees, or to Mum who started thread?
My dd, as I said in separate thread, has cloudy urine but ONLY first thing in the morning.It might be a bit of soap residue from the bath - she goes a bit crazy with making soap lather when I bathe her before bed.
Myself, I have cloudy wee if I get cystitis (as I occasionally do). I'm not sure whether it is worth taking dd to doc's or not though as she seems happy (ie is not feverish, doesn't complain of pain or seem to want to avoid weeing, plus she can hold on for hours if she wants to, which, in my experience is not usual if you have a bladder infection).
But she MAY have slight bladder infection cos she goes to stay with dad one night a week (I'm a single mum) and he is REALLY reluctant to wipe her bum properly after number twos. Claims he is 'uncomfortable' with attending to her 'little girl' bits. Before dd was toilet trained, quite often I would go round there to pick her up from ex's place and find she was in a pooey nappy and obviously had been for quite a while. Or else there would be faecal residue in her 'front bottom' from sitting for too long, I suspect, in pooey nappy/pullup.
One reason I am relcutant to take her to doc's is I know that sometimes mild infections can resolve themselves (cranberry juice and lots of water etc) plus I remember when I was about 7 I got a urinary tract infection and was subjected to a rather invasive examination by a doctor which I wouldn't want to put dd through.
But they seem to have better technology now (the stick test, for example). Perhaps if cloudy 'morning wees' persists for a few more days I will take her to the doc.

Dr checked about two weeks ago and there was no infection. We are just going to have to grin and bear it for now and just ignore it. Yesterday she choose to get in the empty bath and wee when the toilet is just next to it! and on sunday she was playing with her cousin and decieced to put a nappy on and wee init, very inventive!

cedar agree with the others about leaving it a while, but also would u use stars instead of choc buttons and when she gets 10/20 a treat of some sort, as she might continually associate choc buttons with going to the toilet and thats harder to break- sweet giving.
whereas the stickers can be done over a week for a big "thing" on sat/sun. and she'll get a better sense of achievement.
hth

I Ignored the problem for 2 day,yesterday no accidents just slightley damp pant a couple of times. So advice to anyone out there having the same problem is relax!

My dd, as I think I said before, seems suddenly 'trained' - i.e she doesn't have accidents often these days, but given her age (she's three and a half) I think she has just learned suddenly to hold on for longer and therefore avoid the hassle of being changed.
I make her go every three hours or so - that's all - unless she tells me she wants to go or is doing 'giveaway' gestures like grabbing at her front botty as if trying to stop an 'accident'.
I don't like to contradict previous poster, but my experience has been that badgering the child to go every half hour is just counter productive. Certainly, my dd resented being forced into the loo every half hour and I'm pretty sure that if I'd just let her go at her own pace she would've learned to hold on sooner.
But every kid is different. A lot of kids seem to respond to reward systems - chocs or stickers. This did not work with my child, but it does seem to work with a lot of kids.
I guess you just have to gauge what her attitude is. My dd doesn't really seem to think a poo/wee in a potty/toilet is an 'achievement' as such, and I think this was part of our problem. But a lot of kids are quite interested in their wees/poos when it lands in a loo or potty.
I'd suggest that if your little one,like mine, doesn't seem very interested in the issue herself, just let her go her own way and she'll learn to hold on eventually - if for no other reason than it's a drag, from her point of view, if she has an accident and you have to interrupt her playing or whatever to change her.
Also I found that trusting my child to wear ordinary pants rather than going with pull-ups helped. My dd just treated pull ups like nappies, but she seems to realise now that she can't wee/poo in 'real' pants without there being a lot of hassle - me sponging carpet, cleaning her up, etc. So if she's wearing grown up pants she generally hangs on until I remind her to go.

Quite a good weekend only wet once but was very busy. quite a few damp pants a little bit wet before she says she needs to go, but supose and hope she will just grow out of it if I dont make to much fuss what do you all think.

Hope I'm not too late to join thread. My DD is almost 4. She starts pre-school in two weeks and I am at my wits end. You name it I've tried it, stickers, sweets, praise and even remaining chilled. However, nothing seems to be working. I have even had her checked at hospital, and everything is working as it should so why oh why does she constantly wet?? She never seems to wet completely just enough to be damp. The other annoying thing is she doesn't seem to mind being wet. She would happily run about in damp knickers all day if I didn't check her and change her regularly. Please help.

You seem to have the same problem as my daughter.It really frustrating isnt it. Does your daughter take her self to the toilet at all? Has anyone else had this problem do they gradually dry out? Yesterday no complete wets but still four pair of damp pants.

cedar12 - Thanks for your reply. It's good to hear I'm not the only one suffering. I feel for you too. My DD doesn't tend to take herself at all, but that could be my fault as I tend to be asking all the time whether she wants to go. Most of the time I have to say "lets go to the loo" just to avoid damp pants.

I found it a bit better to give her a bit more independance and let her take her self, and not check her pants. just change her if you notice wet trousers etc. I am really trying to stick to this and try not to get stressed but its getting hard and I can feel my self getting stressed again. Take another deep breath!

I agree with those who say leave it and let her do it herself when she is ready. It's obviously causing you both stress and I would imagine it is going to affect your relarionship if left like this (I know from personal experience how I can start to feel negative about ds if he is not doing something I think he ought to be able to do). For whatever reason, she is clearly not ready yet, and this method of training is not working for her. Stop beating yourselves over the head with it and let her get on with it when she is able to succeed at it. She will get there - but you can't make her be ready.

Not getting stresseed honest I am sure my daughter is so almost there. Takes her self to the toilet each time but pants are already wet to some degree 5 pairs today. I was thinking about putting a penney jar (purse when we go out) in toilet and putting a penney in it each time she goes for a wee and just be very positive stickers etc dont works. This has been going on for ages she has been at this stage for 6-7 months. thought this might make her go a bit quicker. Be grateful for any advice.

The penny jar sounds like a good idea. Might try this one myself. The other thing someone has recommended recently which I am trying is when your DD does go and says she has finished, encourage her to do a 'little' more. My DD always manages to go more which seems to suggest that she is so keen to finish that she is not emptying her bladder fully. Worth a try anyway, although I did this yesterday and still had 4 pairs of damp pants!!!

My girl 3.8 seems to be doing the same thing. After a whole summer at home of occasionally wet knickers more damp than very wet she has now gone back to having frequent accidents where she needs a total bottom half change of clothing including socks. She has suddenly started to refuse to go to the toilet and when she does go i don't think she sit on the toilet for long enough. We have tired treats and rewards and they do not work, suggestions are very welcome.