Am I a bad mum?

[Franny123]

Hi,
I have 3yo twins, my partner & I are on the rocks. I'm very depressed & feel like I'm taking it out on my girls. I am a stay at home mum because I couldn't afford to go back with two, I love them but frankly can't stand my partner anymore. Am I a terrible person? I just want to go back to work & look after us without him but I know that can't happen. I am so short tempered with my girls & it's not their fault or problem.

:(
Have you considered relationship counselling ?

I was like this. Had problems in my marriage and it filtered out to my children because I was like a coiled spring the whole time. Could you try relate or something? I had counselling for myself too and it helped loads.

Do you want to talk more about the ways you feel you take it out on your twins and maybe we can help you find better ways of managing it?

I'd like to talk things out as i hate what im doing tothe girls. Don't get me wrong, I'm not abusive, just depressed, which equals sleepy & short tempered. I hate it as I normally spend everyday at a farm or park. My partner is quite bullying so its so difficult.

I know you posted a couple of days ago but you might see this so thought I'd post anyway.

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Your not a bad mum just tired and stressed

Can you pinpoint what it is your partner does (or doesn't) do which makes you dislike him? You mention he is bullying? In what way?

Have you or can you speak to your gp or hv? They should be able to help you with the depression.

You are taking your girls out every day which is great!

3 year olds are hard work and with twins you have a lot to deal with. Do you use the 15 hours free childcare per week for them? If not can you look into this? It will at least give you some breathing space and your girls will get to experience different things?

How are you getting on this week? X

You're not a bad mum at all. If I were you I'd go and have a chat with a nice GP and tell him/her how you're feeling. Speaking from personal experience one of things that makes people short tempered is being utterly exhausted. I wonder whether, like many mothers, you are worn out from putting yourself last for so long and everything is harder to cope with when you're desperately tired. There could even be an underlying physical cause of tiredness like iron deficiency. If you can do your best to improve your own wellbeing it may feel easier to cope and to assess your options. Sometimes just admitting to someone like a doctor that you're struggling is a huge relief. Lots of luck.

Why can't you go back to work as a single parent. What sort of housing are you in. I have just gone back to work and I Was surprised at how much better off I am with tax credits. I get an extra £170 per week compared to being on benefits. You might be surprised and find out you won't be as skint as you think but obviously it depends on your housing and what job you get for childcare

Childcare for my twins would have been 1600 a month. No extra tax credits. So I too gave up work - although nOw do a bit from home which is hard to do around the twins.
My two are 3 this summer and I think this is a really hard age with two. I wonder if this between dh and you are bad because of this. Dh ands I have a strong relationship but twins certainly challenge this. dh and I talk very openly - dh has a stressful job but there have been times I would have swapped places!
Make some time for you - you with dh and no twin and you on your own and find yourself again xx