I can't stop crying I'm so tired

[Albertatata]

2dS 2.5yrs and 7 months.

7 month old doesn't sleep, waking every 2-3hrs for feeds. 2.5yr old starts the day at 5.30am. DH is on nights this week. No family close by, my mum comes to stay and it makes my life so much harder, just another mouth to feed. She doesn't even make her own breakfast & has a lie in! She also thinks my toddler is spoilt and is rather judgemental I.e. need to stop swaddling, need to stop carrying in a sling, make him hungry and he'll eat.

I had got into a bit of a rountine but it has all gone tits up again today. DS2 is ebf but now taking tiny bits of solids. Last night I tried to cut out one if the feeds but I was just listening to him cry and in the end I gave in which I know in the long term has made my life harder as now he has just learnt he needs to cry for a long time and I'll come.

I not had longer than 4hrs sleep in a row in weeks. Last night I had 4hrs in one hour sections. I'm I'll with cold headache and achy joints and I just burst into tears in front of my toddler.

I just wish there was someone who could help. Sister not interested, may have a free weekend in July (she lives less than 25 miles away). PILS bit interested as SIL has also got a baby and they all live in the north west. DS2 has stranger anxiety and won't even be held by anyone else. My DH has never settled him. How has it all got so bad.

I know its the sleep deprivation speaking but I don't see that improving anytime soon. I don't know what I'm asking really, just need a bit of online support, possibly advice.

Lots of sympathy but not sure what to suggest. Hopefully someone will have some tips for you soon

I just think you have to accept nobody can/will help - I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old waking every two hours and nobody near to help so I just don't think about it. Why torture myself wishing somebody would help me out? They all live far away and have their own jobs and families and that's just the way it is. I'm knackered and it's hard but that's life with two little ones. I eat well, take exercise and get out every day and that's how I cope. Toddler also goes to nursery two days a week (£££ while I am on maternity leave but worth it).

Oh

Can you spare the funds to hire a mother's help? She/he will help to look after your little ones so that you can have a rest, or give you a hand around the house which will really help. Even a few hours a week will make such a difference. What about homestart www.home-start.org.uk? They can help too. It sounds like your baby isn't ready to drop a night feed yet. The early stages of weaning don't fill a child up, they are just to get them use to different textures. As he starts to eat more, then it's OK to drop a feed.

Can you stick the TV on when your baby's napping, sit the toddler next to you and go to sleep? If he moves, you'll wake.

So sorry, it sounds hellish.

For starters, do nothing for your mother when she visits (if you let her visit-would it be better for you to put her off for a while?). It is really wrong of her to expect to be waited on when you are in this situation.

Second, you need emergency cover soon so you can sleep. Can your DH take a short time off for this? HE will have to steel himself for a bad night with the baby if your DS2 isn't used to settling with him, but I think it's necessary (my DH used to cradle our DS bare chested to get the baby to stay on him).

If not, would your PIL come down to help out if DH asked them to, perhaps over a weekend?

At worst, a babysitter one afternoon for you to nap. Don't let your sleep come absolutely last on the priority list. It can get to a point where your health is affected and you aren't really in a good enough state to look after children, so it's important.

When is DS's birthday and when will he be starting the childcare hours? (term following 3rd birthday). It's 15 hours a week in term times which I use as 3 x 5 hour days.

I had 22 months between DDs and I can't remember much of DD2 being tiny. I think I was a walking zombie with tiredness but I kept going by prioritising my sleep if there was any quiet time. My family is quite a drive away and DH works away for weeks at a time so I had limited help and I didn;t expect any so I wasn't disappointed.

I'm out the other side now, though I don't have a waking minute to myself some days (one lark, one owl). At 3 and 5, they do at least give me most of the night to sleep and that's been the case for well over a year (DD2 had a single wake up until 2.5yo).

Feel no guilt over using TV or anything else that will give you a reprieve in the day for a moment to yourself. It sounds like DH needs to take over some of the settling. I find ebf means you get all of the care for the baby, but could DH take DS1 out to a playzone for a few hours at weekends? Then you could nap while DS2 does.

You haven't spoiled DS2 by returning to him when he cried (I was a rapid-returner rather than a cry-it-out mother) but if he's only taking a little solids then I think dropping any milk is a bit too soon. I did tend to go for porridge (mix with water type) in the evenings right before bedtime which seemed to help DDs settle a hint better.

Sympathies, sounds v hard.

Please don't worry about the fact that you 'gave in' to your baby rather than let him cry. I tote myself up over this with my first, in the end I just accepted that he would sleep through when he was ready. You did the right thing by responding to his needs.

Can you co sleep? I'm doing that at the min with bf 8mo because it's the only way id get any sleep.

Sounds like me about 2 years ago.

Co sleeping really really helped me survive the lack of sleep. Does your older one nap?

Totally been there. Getting out the house really helps. I know it's shattering and tiring and challenging in itself and can be stressful BUT a change of scenery and the solidarity of other mums at parent/toddler groups can make you feel not so alone. For all those mothers who have help there are many more that don't. I have had to and still have to simply ride it out. Take the good days and nights with the rough, rough and very rough.

It is shit but it does get better. Saying this does not help as it did not help me when others said it to me but the offer of a cup of coffee being made for me at Toddler group was the best thing ever.

Hang in there!!

So much sympathy here. I've only got a seven month old, but he likes to hang out during the night too.

A couple of things though: you've definitely not spoilt your baby by feeding him when he's hungry! Do you co-sleep with him? It makes me feel slightly on edge when people ask that, but it gives me a few hours better sleep when he joins us at about 4/5am.

Let your mum sort herself out - she'll get the picture. Can she take your toddler out to a group while you just have the baby at home? You might at least get a nap with him. Is there any scope for a nursery day/half days for them? Does your husband sleep all day? Any chance he can take over while you get a sleep in? Sod the housework - sleep is really important, it's not moaning - it's your health and well being.

oh its so grim, my now 2 year old didnt sleep at all between about 4-8 months, horrendous. personally I found that I had to do some - very gentle - sleep training in the end, swapping to a big bottle at about 1030 then trying to drop the rest of the feeds - But - and its a big but - he was on solids, and eating really well - so I know if your little one isn't doing that yet its harder to pscyhologically feel you can refuse them feeds.

Also - I think trying to drop feeds is very hard alone - I had to get my partner to help, both with lack of sleep and going in and sitting with ds while he cried, cuddling him but not feeding till he slept

do you have any paid for childcare?

Thanks folks my toddler had a very long nap at lunch & I made the most of it by feeding DS2 to sleep in the spare room do at least I got 90mins. I really don't like the idea of co sleeping long term - I like my space, but needs must! Things seem much better now I've had a bit of sleep.

DS1 is with childminder 1 day a week so I will make the most of it on Thursday. I don't no why I'm so disappointed that I don't get help. I think its the fact that my SIL has so much assistance (two sets of very hands on grandparents close by) and it is really difficult to not make a comparison. I also feel really disappointed with my mum & sister that they haven't been more supportive. Like you say, I can't change it so I won't dwell on it, I think these feeling just come to the surface when I'm completely exhausted. Thank you for responding, I just needed to tell someone how I was feeling

I'm glad you got some rest. It is tough to do it in your own; my parents and in-laws are too far away to help, and it sometimes feels never-ending. Here's to optimism for better sleep!

Hi,

Please try homestart, they were wonderful for me. Even just having 1hr to shower with no screaming is wonderful and they will usually hold the fort while you catch a bit of sleep.

Similar to above with your mum, she needs to help you not make more work. It may be mean but maybe tell her so? It might get you more support in the long run.

Stay strong.