Am I bad to leave my baby in his basket?

[Writerwannabe83]

I have a 7 week old baby who usually spends 3 hours every night screaming. Me and DH spend about 3-4 hours rocking him and singing to him in the hope of calming things down but DS only sleeps when he reaches the point of exhaustion.

Tonight it just got too much and after an hour of it I decided to just put DS in his basket and see what he did. I couldn't believe it when the crying stopped. He has now been in his basket for 45 minutes and although he isn't asleep, he isn't screaming either.

At first he seemed quite content, looking around, flailing his arms and legs everywhere whilst gurgling to himself but over the last 5 minutes he has started to get fractious. He's a bit grizzly and restless, making attempts to start to cry but then stopping etc and I can't work out if I'm being unfair by just leaving him in there. I know self soothing probably isn't advocated in such young babies.

Part of me is saying that he's starting to get upset and so I should pick him up for reassurance.....but the other part is saying after 45 minutes of him being in there I shouldn't give in because then I'd just be back at square one again.

Is there a limit as to how long I should leave him in there until I pick him up if he doesn't settle?? Like I said, he's not crying but nor is he particularly calm.

will he need feeding at some point soon? Does he take a dummy? If he isnt crying then it is ok to leave him be but if he does get upset then I would take him back out again.

My dd would lie in her basket/cot for ages when she was tiny. So long as she wasn't distressed I just left her, looking around. We did of course interact with her and feed her when needed but she was quite content in there.

He's been fed - I put him in his MB straight after winding him.

He has his dummy which he likes but it's frustrating because he seems to be on the brink of sleep and then his dummy will fall out so he wakes up and starts grizzling for it. It's a never ending cycle....

Is he due a feed?
How long since he last slept?
Too much rocking and singing can actually be counterproductive when trying to get babies to sleep. Too stimulating.
Have you tried swaddling? My 2 loved it.
Also white noise worked miracles in our house.
White noise app/dream sheep/slumberbear.

This is how my ds started going asleep alone. He was 6weeks old and after 6 weeks of sleep deprivation one morning at 7am I decided once he was fed and sleepy that if I didn't put him in his cot letting him cry whilst I woke my now ex up I would end up falling asleep on him the result was he went into his cot very sleepy. (Eyes closed but every time he was moved he would open them again)

I didn't need to wake my ex as after five minutes with no crying etc I got up and checked him and he was asleep.

Bad parenting from me? Maybe. But falling asleep and hurting him would have been a lot worse

I would give swaddling a go, it's the only thing that worked on my 4 babies.

and co sleeping but my youngest 2 are still in my bed and show no signs of leaving

I was just about to reply to this then realised who it was posting. OP I think we're leading parallel lives

It doesn't sound like you can do much more, aside from post the dummy back in?

I feel your pain

@peace - that made me laugh!!
I wonder what else we may have in common....are you a cat lover? Lol

Well, after 50 minutes of being in there he seems to have given up the fight....

I used to leave my dc in their Moses baskets at nighttime, after their 7pm feed, unless they were actually crying - even if they woke in the night I didn't go the them until they cried as most of the time they whinged for a bit before going back to sleep.

My two both hated being rocked etc after that last feed/wind. They would scream to be put down. Both would lay awake for a while then nod off eventually.

Some babies just seem to prefer being left to their own devices.

It's interesting that some babies prefer to be left alone - I assumed that all babies would prefer to be rocked. He woke at 03.15am for a feed and after winding him I again put him in his MB whilst still awake and although it took him 20 minutes get did indeed settle himself to sleep.

I can't believe that after 3 weeks of him screaming and screaming at night it may actually have been our attempts to soothe him were what was annoying him when really he just wanted to be put in his basket and be left alone!

Glad your little man was calmer eventually!

My ds is 5 months now and has preferred to be left alone in the evening from about 7 weeks. If we tried picking him up etc. It just frustrated him.

Obviously if he was crying or needed feeding we picked him up!

My DS now 7 months was and is the same - I used to feel guilty that I wasn't cuddling him in the very early days because everyone on MN said that I'd be trapped under him for weeks, all they want is to be held. Not DS.

I don't think I've ever managed to have a "cuddle" with him. He saves his affection for my boobs and my jawline and collarbones, which he lunges towards mouth open for a good old knaw

I've just fed him again put him back in his MB whilst awake and he's gone back to sleep on his own again!

I really can't believe this

I know what you mean juan about affection being limited to your boobs

Brilliant!

Brilliant! Well done MiniWriter.

Wait til 4 months when he won't sleep at all in the cot anymore [bitter]

My DD hated to be rocked and cuddled when she was tired. She needed to be left in peace, a gentle grizzle for five minutes and she was out for the count. She went on to be a very good sleeper. My Mother wanted to pace the floor with her and couldn't believe it when I said I'd never done that.

I had a self settler too. I think it is the luck.of the draw. She would happily lay in her MB til sleep overcame her. Shes never really napped on me or needed rocking. Now, at 2.5, sometimes she goes for a rest rather than a nap, in her buggy, where she just tucks up with her teddy and relaxes for an hour or two, alone. More often than not she will drift off for a bit but sometimes she just lays in the dark singing.

I wondered if it was odd, but she seems to crave it.

We find with the dummy if it falls out she will wake up for it but if we take it out slowly as she is just about to drop off then she sleeps well. (Touching wood!!!)

DS used to like to be put down when he was crying I never left the room so he knew I was still there and if he seemed very upset I would stroke his hand or head. Now he's 2 he crys for me to get into bed with him every night to cuddle him to sleep fickle child!

Sounds fantastic, glad to hear things are going better. Think it was around 7 weeks we were able to put ds in the cot and after a five minute grizzle he would go asleep. Its like magic when it starts happening!

He may have been overtired but overstimulated and so the boringness of the crib made him calm down? Sounds like a great discovery anyway