i have nothing against gay people, but I don't want to be one - says dd (10)

[PortofinoRevisited]

We were having a joking conversation about DH cooking "romantic" dinner as it is Mother's Day here. I said - ah we are off on girly weekend next weekend ( we are going to Germany for the weekend, just me and her) we can be romantic all by ourselves. (maybe bad choice of words) And dd did eyerolling, and said - but that would be really gay and she didn't want to be doing any gaying, thanks, then came out with statement above. She then went on to say that she thought all children should have fathers and mentioned an episode of MyLife on CBBC where someone had 2 dads. Apparently it is better to to have 2 dads than 2 mums as they must have been adopted.

I was a bit and have NO idea where all this has come from. At home, we have always been really open about relationships and these are not messages she would have got from me/her dad. Do kids this age discuss stuff like this at school aged 10?

For some reason, 10 year olds are full of judgement and ire.

Sadly, yes, some of them do. Dd is in year 5 and recently came home and asked how two men have a baby - or two women.

She says kids in the playground use 'gay' in a negative way - that's so gay. So we have been chatting to her about everyone being individual and you don't dislike people due to their sexual orientation. Talked about my uncle, who's gay, and Bruno and Craig on Strictly.

I don't think it's abnormal for dc that age to think that having a mum and a dad is the norm, and not want to be the odd one out/unusual.

I would nip the perjorative use of the word gay in the bud the same way I would deal with any swearing. She needs to know it is not ok, ever, to say.

I honestly don't think she uses the word gay in a negative sense. She understand that women can marry women/men x men etc and we have even discussed how babies can be made in these scenarios - things have moved on since my sex ed

It's just a being young thing and it's good to speak out about so they can be educated on the things they don't fully understand.

I certainly wouldn't slap it down and make it 'wrong'. how are they supposed to learn anything if they don't speak out?

nd dd did eyerolling, and said - but that would be really gay and she didn't want to be doing any gaying, thanks

I see that this is meant literally, but I think being comfortable saying gay and gaying in this way isn't appropriate - still sounds pretty pejorative to me.

They do discuss stuff, but with my DD (also 10) a lot of it is internal, and a lot of it is misguided logic. I could quite imagine her declaring that children are better off with fathers than without because her dad is great, so they all must be ... the 2 dad's vs 2 mums and adoption argument has the whiff of mad 10yo logic about it to me.

If she comes up with opinions I don't agree with, I must admit I have a tendency to lecture, which I'm trying to rein in a bit. Instead I'll ask why she thinks a particular way. I've had a chance to put right a fair few misconceptions that way.

BTW it is really good when they say this stuff - in that it's much better than not saying it, and you never having a chance to address it.

Yes - I think I understand that wherever this comes from, she needs to be educated that gay is not a bad word and talk of "gaying" in any kind of negative sense is not acceptable.

To be honest isn't this how most straight people feel? I have lovely gay friends and have no issue at all with gay people but I don't want to do it myself :p

Maybe as she's a child she's just articulating this inappropriately?

alita

no, when I have dinner with my mum or my good women friends I don't think, I don't want to be gay. Ever. Actually I have just never thought I don't want to be gay, ever.

The problem I have is that I would like to educate my 12yo DD to be tolerant and respectful of all minorities, including gay, lesbian, and transgender. But she won't even go there.

The other week I was playing Game Of Life with her - if you don't know it, your player piece is in a car, and one travels to different islands, doing life-type adventures / stories, marrying, having children and pets, etc. Anyway, I landed on a square, and she picked up a partner to go in my car and it was the same colour as my playing piece. So I said "Well, it doesn't matter, some girls don't like guys anyway and prefer to marry girls, just the same as some guys prefer guys instead of girls..." and the response I got was simply "End Of Conversation!!!!"

I would like to broaden her mind so that she doesn't grow up bigoted or prejudiced, as there is still too much of this in the world; maybe I am going about it the wrong way...?

andream that just sounds like she's trying to head off any reference to sex, which I think is standard

Oh yes - sex stuff is gross.