Does anyone else have a child who hates parties?

[PeterParkerSays]

DS (4) and I attended another birthday party this afternoon. Despite the room being full of other children from his class at school, he spent the entire party sat on my knee refusing to dance, do party games or sit with the other children watching a magician.

Usually we only have 20 minutes of "no I prefer to sit on my mum" when we get to parties but he patently hated the party tonight - when he got home and his dad asked if he liked the party "no, none of it". He only liked smiling at the tiny baby sister of another child in his class.

I feel awful. I feel that I've wasted two hours stuck in a church hall (partially because I thought we were giving another child a lift home so couldn't leave before the end) and just wanted to shout "why can't you be normal and go and sit with the other children and join in like everyone else?" . Obviously, I would never say anything like that to him.

He's not on the autistic spectrum, so this isn't a problem with him socialising generally, and he's not shy with adults or individual children, but every bloody party we have this, particularly if they're in soft play places. He's always hated soft play centres and won't go off to play / climb without a parent.

I just feel like telling him he can't go to the next party he's invited to, because he won't join in, but he genuinely wanted to go today until he got through the door. We're hoping that this will get better once DS gets left at parties and we just pick him up later, but that could be another couple of years yet. Please tell me I haven't got the only child who won't do parties.

Not my children but I was that child who hated parties, didn't even like my own. Still not that fond of them. My mum gave up eventually and I just didn't go any more.

Maybe just be 'busy' for the next few parties? He might prefer smaller parties which become more common as they get older.

My eldest was like that at that age with friends & his own parties, but afterwards would always say how much he enjoyed it! I was just pleased he'd been invited as I know I would have felt bad if he'd been left out!

He's better now (age 7) & now also can be left on his own, so less suffering for me

My DS (4) is like this a bit, though he is mild ASD. He is very excited at the idea of parties, asks when it is, goes in ok, but has to be cajoled into participating and won't do a lot of the organised games, just goes off to do his own thing. He particularly hates any kind of "are we all having fun?" 'YEEESSSS" type screaming. He has developed a very weird thing about "happy birthday" and cake camdles too, I have to take him out of the room as he gets very distressed. BUT if I suggested he didn't go he'd be upset, so no you're not the only one and I have been quite tearful at some of these parties because I just want him to do what all the others are doing, but they're all individuals and I reckon its just about them being old enough to decide they'd rather not go OR that they're happy to join in.

My eldest hated parties at that age but started to enjoy them from Y1/Y2 onwards when they were smaller and less manic.

My dd was just like this. I knew the routine of every sodding magician in a 10 mile radius as I had sat through all of them! She was always happy to go but just wouldn't leave my side. We persevered as I didn't want her to be left out of getting invites and iirc it did get better as she got older.

She's 18 and at uni now. Current challenge is finding time for study in amongst the partying!

My eldest DS is like this, he's never liked parties and I've felt the frustration you've described. My younger DS is fine at parties but from going with him I've noticed other children who purger to sit with their parents and not join in and it's made me realise it's fine. Some join in and some don't, I can guarantee at just about every party there will be one child that isn't keen and wants to sit with their mum.

I've found it's best to try not to push him, just ask if he wants to join in a game or whatever, if he doesn't just leave it at that and let him watch. As he gets older he will get used to the format of parties and gradually become more confident to join in. My DS still isn't keen in big parties but they tend to be a bit smaller now, which he's much more comfortable with.

I used to be like this! I love parties now! Think I just felt a bit shy

Wow OP u could have written that post myself. My DS is 3.6years and hates hates soft play places and parties. I also want to scream like you when I see the other kids just getting on with it. I find the whole thing incredibly stressful
I'm now at a situation on not knowing what to do - do I continue taking him to these or leave it for now. He is an only child with no cousins etc so I panic that I need to get him to go to these things but he is also in full time nursery (pre school) so not sure what to do.

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

My dd now 7 wad and is still like this.

Imvhe, the only way not to find it stressful is to accept that they are feeling a bit overwhelmed, need the reassurance of ypu and that it won't go on forever.

And going to or having parties isn't compulsory. Dd didn't want to go to one of her best friend's party a couple of works ago. Any attempts to persuade her were unsuccessful, so we dropped present off wished birthday girl a good one then went to the park.

Honesyly not worth battling over.

My DD (2.11) went to her first party on Saturday and was pretty much like this. She loved getting dressed up, and the jelly, but was overwhelmed by music, games, etc. There are plenty adults (including me without a drink inside me) who don't like large noisy parties where they don't know anyone, especially with jolly types trying to impose organised activities!, so I guess it's not surprising that children feel the same. I was a little sad for her, but gave it a couple of hours and put it down as 'one of those things they have to do now and then to get 'socialised''. We certainly won't be going to every one we're invited to, though. And for her own birthday I'm thinking very low key just a few children and familiar toys / playing in the garden. Looking back, I think i pretty much hated children's parties when I was a child, apart from the dressing up bit; and I definitely hated student parties with random friends of friends and too-loud music; and still hate wedding dos where I don't know most people. I am trying to be of the opinion that this is not necessarily a massive character failing...

My DS is only a baby but all our "friends" and their judgemental mothers are having first birthdays parties my child hates them attaches himself to me and screams the place down if I put him on the floor with the other babies.

I hate big groups of people never liked children's parties when I was young. I only ever wanted 3-4 friends to play for my birthdays. When I attended friends parties I was very much on the side lines watching them or sitting with mum.

I guess that's what makes life interesting that we have a mix of different characters!

My dd1 was like that.
She used to get so upset because she wanted to fit in but didn't know how to 'be' at parties.
Also she had a very low tolerance to the nouse levels -she used to cover her ears and say it was too noisy.

She improved at around 7 years and has no problems now.

I am not a party girl.I don't know what to do and have to make a pretence of having fun.

When I spoke to DH about this, and said that we'd just say he wasn't going to big parties if he received such an invite, DH was horrified as he thinks DS won't learn to cope with the whole party thing if he doesn't get the chance to go.

We've just had another party invite for early June but the child is autistic so it's likely to be a calmer affair with face painting etc and less "little boys dragging each other around in ever decreasing circles to music". We'll see how that one goes.