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Does anyone just have one child? are they happy?

19 replies

manuka · 29/08/2006 07:48

I don't want to go through pregnancy or birth again as it was horrific. I have a 9week old daughter and I feel too old to do this again anyway.
everyone says 'you can't just have one'. Does anyone have just one child and if so are they happy to be the only one? what are your experiences??

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threebob · 29/08/2006 07:56

The memories of the pg and birth will fade, and 9 weeks is too soon to be sure...but

I have one very happy 3.5 year old and we are happy to stick at one. I find people accept it more if you present it as a positive;

"no more thanks - we are happy as we are"

rather than

"oh goodness me no, not going through that again.'

Sandcastles · 29/08/2006 07:57

I have a 3 yar old DD, who is (at the moment) an only child.

Yes, she is undoubtable happy, she is bright, articulate and once she is comfortable in a situation she is confident. She shares well at playgroups or when we have other children around.

Yes, you can just have one, plenty do. Don't listen to everyone else, do what is right for you!

If it's any consolation, I didn't want to go thru pregnancy & birth again (pre-eclampsia, induced, irreg heartbeat (baby), c-section under GA etc etc) and swore for months that I would never do it again, but now I am waiting to settle in Oz (moved here 9 weeks ago) then we will TTC.

Do you think you could change your mind?

DetentionGrrrl · 29/08/2006 08:22

And who says you have to go through pregnancy/labour anyway? If you decide to expand your family there is always adoption- plenty of unloved, unwanted babies in the world (sadly)

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manuka · 29/08/2006 10:16

Thanks so much for responding all of you! Its good to know that they can be happy as they are. Sandcastle, sounds like we had similar birth!! But its more that two seem horribly hard work and I'm so knackered anyway that nobody would be happy!
I don't think I could forget the birth, they didn't give me enough anaesthetic so felt it all after she was taken out and they ignored me when I said I could feel pain! I'm ok now but I cant do that again.
The adoption thing is a good option if I do change my mind thanks for that, you're right there are too many unwanted children.
I just didn't want dd to feel lonely but playgroups will stop that wont they?

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Sandcastles · 29/08/2006 10:53

Once you find a good playgroup/mums & tots group you will meet other mums & dads & build up friendships. Find one that accepts babies & start as soon as you like. Then, when she is older, you can have playdates. She will be fine, just means that you will have to be her play buddy some times!

But it's also important that she learns to amuse herself too. But that's a while off yet!

I'm sorry you suffered during the birth, but please remember that the most important thing is that she is happy & healthy now. You won't forget all about the birth, but in time you will come to terms with it. I used to cry because I didn't hear dd crying when she was born as I was still under ga. (don't even know is she did cry, tbh) I cried that DH didn't get to cut the cord, I cried that I had to go thru it all alone & leave DH in the corridor and that my last memory of him that day was him with a tear in his eye, as he felt so helpless, that I wasn't the first to dress her/hold her/feed her. But in the grand scheme of things those things are not so important anymore.

I do understand that these things are different from feeling pain tho and I do sympathise with you. I hope to have another, but am terrified of the thought of giving birth either naturally or thru elective c-section. But I know if I want another child I will have to do it.

Oh, and the tiredness will soon fade too. Once your little one is sleeping thru etc. Of course, it's a good excuse for a nap for you too..(I still do if dd has had a bad night and goes back to bed, one of the advantages of being a SAHM!!

Northerner · 29/08/2006 10:57

You can get children with siblings who are not happy you know!

I have 1 ds who is 4. The jury is out on if we will have another, so for now he is an only. I am also an only.

Having or not having siblings does not define you as a person, there is much more to it than that.

Cappuccino · 29/08/2006 11:01

I'm an only child and I get really insulted by this idea that if you don't have a whole fleet of the little tykes they'll be spoilt etc

I would say though that you need to put a bit of effort into making sure they've got lots of contact with other kids, lots of playdates and independent playtime. Mums and tots yes, also meetings with friends etc at playgrounds, in people's homes etc

this is all stuff that my mum didn't get chance to do since she was working three jobs in order to bring me up; I did feel the lack of it later when at school I really didn't know how to 'hold my own' with other kids

but am perfectly well-balanced human being now (smile0

Cappuccino · 29/08/2006 11:02

a perfectly well-balanced human being who can't type

hulababy · 29/08/2006 11:18

I have one very happy, bright, confident, independent and loving DD, age 4y5m. She is to be an only child, after a great deal of though and decision making. We are happy with our decision. We are a very happy family of three

As for people keep asking - I have stopped explaining. I just say we are not having any more children and that's it.

My DD is never lonely (so far). Until last week she went to nursery 25 days a week, and on the other days we often met up with friends and their children. I didn't do toddler groups - they scare me! LOL! She has lots of friends - I find it hard to keep up sometimes. She is due to start school next week too so will gain a whole new bunch.

She is also very cabaple of entertaining herself. She is currently sat int he middle of the living room floor with happy Land all over. She has been in her own world for the past hpour or so, playing happily. We have friends coming over later - so more playing adn socialising!

Blu · 29/08/2006 11:27

yes!
That simple, nothing more to add!

Whizzz · 29/08/2006 11:28

We have DS who is almost 6 - it does make me a bit cross when people always ask 'are you having any more?' as I know that they wouldn't say it if I had 2 or 3 kids ! I am fast approaching 40 and so we have decided that he will stay an only child & we are OK with that. DS is very happy, well balanced & confident. However every one is different - so you need to do what you want & not what others expect

batters · 29/08/2006 11:32

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Journey2 · 29/08/2006 16:33

Isn't it 'funny'.. when you have no children you get pestered with will you have any? When you have one, you get asked, are you having any more and apparently if you hit 3 or more, you get asked are you going to stop?!!

We have a 3 yr old.. to be honest not decided if we are going to have any more.. our opinion is that it's in the lap of the Gods.

We didn't try to have our son, it was a if it happens it happens if not, not. Felt there would be a lot of heartache if we put expectations on it.

Our son as an only child, is very happy (well I think so!)

I was an only child until I was 7. To be honest I was happy being by myself, though it was nice to have a sister eventually.. my younger was a novelty till he wore off and was 'horrible' back then!

Of COURSE you can have one. I know friends who are an only child.. but they consider their friends as their siblings! They are not spoilt/selfish.

My advice is to feel happy/confident in your choices and stuff everyone else who has to say, you can't have just one!
Having more guarantees nothing.. doesn't mean siblings are best buddies etc.

LittleSarah · 29/08/2006 16:48

I always thought I would have a big family, as I am one of four myself, but I am now a single mum to a single dd and for the moment there is NO possibilty of her having any siblings.

Honestly, I love it. She sees her dad and extended family regularly but we are a happy wee twosome. I now have a bit of a fear of the chaos a man and more kids would cause!

She is confident, bright and a bit bossy. At the park the other day I said something about her bossiness to another mum who said something like, 'a younger sibling would soon sort that out.' In a nice way and I was like 'no chance!'

I mean I am an eldest sibling and I am bossy, you have to be to keep those little feckers in line!

manuka · 29/08/2006 18:13

WOW brilliant thankyou all so much! All of you have really helped and I feel a lot more confident with my decision. (Sandcastle the way you feel about birth is very similar to me! Both options are a non-starter! I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience) You all made me realise that ultimately I don't have any desire for another and it was other peoples comments that made me question myself. And youre right, she is who she is and sibblings wont affect that.
Thankyou I'm very grateful for your replies. xx

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FloatingOnTheMed · 29/08/2006 18:33

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mrsdarcy · 29/08/2006 20:03

I have a friend who has one child under one, and her DH has just had the snip. She had a good pregnancy, a pretty good labour, v nice baby. They just don't want any more and are happy with their decision.

threebob · 29/08/2006 21:04

I don't think dh or I are at the going for the snip stage - but I have had a coil fitted which will need changing when ds is 7. That could be the point where dh has the snip.

LittleSarah · 29/08/2006 21:05

FloatingOnTheMed - I don't have a boyfriend at the moment but realise I am young and may have a partner and want kids with him later, haven't ruled it out, but it is funny how used I am to it just being me and dd!

Nursery has been great for dd, she loves being with other kids, so I am glad she gets the chance to play with them.

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