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Parenting

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Original poster

feeling like the biggest bitch on the planet right now

23 replies

SqutterNutBaush · 09/05/2014 20:57

Currently lying on my bed, literally 2 feet away from my 14 month old who has been screaming in her cot for the past hour because I just can't deal with having to hold her everytine she wants to sleep anymore :(

She's never slept through more than 2 hours in her life and I'm really starting to struggle, she won't settle for dp so I have literally no life day or night.

Have tried co-sleeping, no cry, controlled crying and nothing works so bow I just need to let her scream until she tires herself out, I can't face leaving her alone to cry like this so I'm lying facing the opposite direction crying silently along with her.

I feel terrible but I can't do this anymore :(

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WellitsAllGoneNow · 09/05/2014 21:03

You're not a bitch. You're a loving but exhausted mum.

Both my DDs were exactly like this until they were around 2yo, and I have been exactly where you are.

If I were you, I would pick your DD up now and give her a big cuddle. It will make both of you feel much better and she will probably fall asleep quite quickly now.

Big unmumsnetty hugs.

Theyaremysunshine · 09/05/2014 21:06

Oh you poor thing.

Could you afford a night nanny for a couple of weeks to do something more structured for you? CIO is pretty harsh for both of you. Would it not be better to leave her with your DP trying to comfort her at least.

Or have you tried the kissing game? Say night night, give a kiss, go out for 10s, come back for a kiss and night night, leave for longer, come back for a kiss...

Have you been feeding her at night?

Sorry. I do know how horrific sleep deprivation is.

hotcrosshunny · 09/05/2014 21:12

Pick her up.

Also have you ruled put reasons for night wakings? Teething, intolerances, ear issues, silent reflux to name a few?

I've been there. Leaving the room for a breather and looking at a PIC of my DC helped me snap out of the feeling of detached anger.

She doesn't want to do this. She will be tired too.

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hotcrosshunny · 09/05/2014 21:13

Sitting with her and ignoring is worse as she won't understand why you're not picking her up.

Novia · 09/05/2014 21:17

It's horrible - I'm sorry. I know what it's like when you're just so desperate. Have you tried picking her up to calm her and then put her straight back down? I must admit that we ended up letting her cry until she fell asleep in the end. It was easier being in the other room when she couldn't see us though. Tonight will be horrible. Tomorrow better and by Sunday you'll have cracked it. Her sleeping will improve both your lives - just hang on to that thought. Chin up and virtual hand-holding.

Theyaremysunshine · 09/05/2014 21:59

Has she gone to sleep yet squtter?

Hope you're ok.

Original poster

SqutterNutBaush · 09/05/2014 22:50

Sorry I disappeared, I gave in and picked her up and within seconds she fell asleep so I managed to go downstairs grab a drink then she woke again and now we are in our bed and she's snoring away but I struggle to sleep with her beside me as I'm always worrying.

Sunshine, don't think I could do the nanny thing but I have left her with DP and she's worse, with me she stands in cot and screams with him she throws herself around and headbutts the cot whilst screaming so its just easier for me to do it (pah, easy my arse!). Haven't tried the kissing game but have done the interval training thing which didn't go very well, may give this a go though.

Hunny I think its habit tbh as she's fine when I pick her up but she always has been a very "high needs" baby so we've just got into it I guess. I do feed her at night once or twice, mainly because its the easiest way to settle her and my 7 year old is a very light sleeper so have had him crying with tiredness at home and school when we've tried to settle her without picking up.

OP posts:

Theyaremysunshine · 10/05/2014 06:39

Oh your poor son. I can see why you're so desperate.

You've read no cry so guessing you've done the happy time in the cot etc.

Could your 7yo go to gp for a weekend or away somewhere nice with DP so you can cut out the overnight feeds. IMO she won't stop waking at night until you stop feeding her, her body is physiologically adapted to feeding at night so she will wake hungry. It's a tough couple of nights but you're having those anyway.

I'd get your DS some earplugs. Apparently the boots wax ones are good, just split them in half for child size ears.

Is she transferable when asleep? Could you get her to sleep in a buggy and transfer? Or get her utterly exhausted playing outside til later than usual and try then?

When does she nap?

Another thing that's expensive, but both of mine slept so much better with them, is a lambskin. Helps temp regulate and is v snuggly. We have this one.

Lots of sympathy.

CookieTramp · 10/05/2014 15:07

I'm currently at end of rope with 5mo who doesn't sleep more than 1 hr at a time still. No advice, but... Only "starting to struggle"?! You are amazing! I'm there already :-(

Theyaremysunshine · 10/05/2014 15:38

If it gives you hope cookie DS woke every 45 mins at 5m. By 8.5m he was sleeping 7-530 4/5 nights. You will survive. Hang in in there!

SeatOfMyPants · 10/05/2014 15:55

Like others say - you're not.

It might be she's not ready for sleep training, rather than it not working per se. Mine had reflux issues (which we discovered late) and it wasn't until he was about 16 months that we could do the cry/pick up thing and it worked within 2 days. Before that we bounced him to sleep - which was really tough when he got heavier. It became apparent, however, that he was starting to be ready to go to sleep without this intervention (as he started to just thrash around on us) and that's when we gave it a go.

We had tried a few months before and it was a demoralising nightmare. The best thing for my sanity and his was just to accept that is what he needed at that point and not fret about it.

It will change. and it will probably change sooner rather than later.

Mrsmummypenny · 10/05/2014 16:20

I am having the exact same thing with my 13mo DD. It's awful. You are not.

ginmakesitallok · 10/05/2014 16:30

What do you worry about that means you can't sleep when she's asleep?

Ratbagcatbag · 10/05/2014 16:35

Lay in y double bed right now with dd 14months on the tail endof a two hr nap. Big hugs.

I've found it easier just accepting this is what she needs right now.

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 10/05/2014 16:39

Hey my ds has only just started sleeping tgrough and going down nicely and he's 2.5!

It's hell but it will eventuallu get better

aimees75 · 10/05/2014 23:09

Sorry to hear that. You sound like a great mum. Its easy to get into habits. Our dd was a bit like this. We did our own version of sleep training which involved the gentlest of changes over a long period of time. Each one was a step towards self-settling and staying in the cot all night. It took a few months but did work. The books were too prescriptive and we were too knackered to read them!

spottydolphin · 10/05/2014 23:18

Can you take the side off e cot and push it up against the bed? That's what we have done and it makes co sleeping a lot easier

ZebraZeebra · 12/05/2014 12:54

Oh you poor thing. I can't think of anything anyone hasn't already suggested but I just wanted to re-iterate that you're not a bitch. You're a loving, caring mother who's going through a hard time. It's OK to feel at the end of your tether - I would be after 14 months of cuddling to sleep!

I'm not sure what you're feelings are on co-sleeping - you say you've done it but you can't relax? Taking one side off the cot and shoving it up against the bed might help - it's what we did. The Gulliver Ikea cot is very cheap and makes for a great side car cot and a billionth less than the cost of a so-called proper co-sleeper. I know you've said you've tried everything but maybe you could give gradual retreat another go?

DS didn't start sleeping through until about 13/14 months and I've seen it said many times on here that they generally start sleeping around 18 months. So hang in there! It will change - it won't be like this forever.

SourSweets · 12/05/2014 14:00

No advice as mine is the same, I did sleep train which helped massively but teething came along and ruined that.

You have my sympathy, it's awful and you're certainly not a bitch.

WowOoo · 12/05/2014 14:20

Oh SqutterNut, I remember feeling like that.

You've had so much good advice already. I opted for the give them a cuddle when they want it route. My youngest still comes into our bed sometimes, but he's a happy thing and still only little. It meant we could both get sleep when he was younger too.

It's so hard going when they're so young. [tea]

youwish · 12/05/2014 14:29

Yy to taking off a side of the cot,u can lie with her without picking her up,she may accept this and go to sleep next to u,then u can roll away/yo your bed.

mummyxtwo · 12/05/2014 14:42

Not much time to write but sending you a hug it will get easier. Have you tried something like a Bella the Butterfly lullaby toy - helped get mine to settle, I don't know what I'd do without it. The toy plays a few different soothing lullabies but also projects coloured stars onto the ceiling which they can lie and gaze at. Might be worth a try? All the best.

Dancealot · 12/05/2014 16:10

Sympathy from me too! We tried everything and eventually just went with what my dd wanted- i.e. Being rocked to sleep and then co-sleeping if she woke. Things do get better, hang in there!

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