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Am I being PFB re boisterous older child?

4 replies

hopbunnyhop · 09/05/2014 15:55

My DS is 18 months old, quite tall but only just outgrown size 12-18 month old clothing, my friend has a DD who is 4.5, tall and strong framed for age. (I struggle to lift her).

A few times the DD has been brought around to my house by her Mum after nursery and plays with my DD, actually won't leave him alone and is very boisterous! am I being out of order to not want my DS to be squashed by older child trying to lie on him, to say something when older child is kneeling on his hand (full weight) to wrestle a toy away? Both of the examples I was worried that my child would get hurt. Am I am being too precious given the age difference?

Also the Mum has told her DD not to do something as it will hurt my DS, the DD just carried on, nothing was done by the Mum. This has happened three times and involves furniture, in one case the DD actually moved the danger closer to my DS and the other time just left the danger where is was ignoring her Mum.

It came to ahead when the DD whined about something and the Mum said that it was nothing as bad as what happens at nursery and she should get over it. I know that this was directed at me rather than the child. Surely In a nursery environment these children would be in separate groups and if not (i dont know a lot about nurserys) I would bloody well hope that a 4.5 year old wouldn't be allowed to be rough with an eighteen month old.

What can I do? I genuinely now on three occasions have worried that my child is going to get hurt, I can't avoid (nor want to) these friends. I find myself on edge the whole time we are around the DD.

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MildDrPepperAddiction · 09/05/2014 16:05

No, not pfb. If your friend can't stop her dd hurting your DS then I would stop inviting them round/going to their house and if she asks, explain why. Or if you are more forthright than I am tell her straight to stop her dd doing x or she is not welcome any more.

eggybrokenoff · 09/05/2014 16:11

this happened to me a while ago. not giving advice cos i didn't handle it well. was at their house and their 5yo kept deliberately hurting my 2yo. I eventually snapped, took the stick he was hitting my ds with off him and said he couldnt have it anymore. in front of his mum. in her house. it was a little awkward to say the least and I ended up apologising if I seemed harsh but said I wasnt prepared to tolerate it. she was a little shocked and I think more than a little annoyed but it hasnt damaged the friendship luckily! if you could plan to say something more calmly I think that would be appropriate.

hopbunnyhop · 10/05/2014 13:49

I regret not saying something the other day but next time it happens I will point out to the Mum what is happening and how I am not happy about. It's not for me to discipline the child but seeing my toddler getting squashed, pulled over etc was awful and I did talk directly to the DD.

What was meant to be a relaxing catch up was bloody awful, I couldn't leave as it was in my own home.

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doodledotmum · 10/05/2014 19:16

One way to tackle it is to say that you have certain rules in your house e.g no wrestling or snatching. At 4.5 they understand rules and the other mum should respect your rules

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