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12yo Daughters Visits With Me

4 replies

NormalBloke · 09/05/2014 12:43

Hi All.....well I very reluctantly separated from my wife a few months ago and I just want some advice on how to behave when I get my daughter for visits.

Me and my wife had different parenting styles that led to the breakdown of our marriage. I liked to give our kids boundaries ref bedtimes , limiting times on I pads not having phones at the dinner table blah blah blah and she was the total opposite letting them please themselves.

This affected the relationship I had had with my 3 young kids 2 boys and 1 girl because I was always seen as the horrible one if you get my drift.

Anyway fast forward a few months, when I have the 2 young boys over they are fine and we are getting on better than ever. They realise its Dads rules in his new gaff and they respect it.....far less tantrums than before

However I don't see my daughter as much as she only likes to come over when the boys are not there. Shes obviously a bit more grown up and likes to do her own thing.

Anyway to the point during the very few times she has came round or we have gone to dinner she is constantly and I mean CONSTANTLY tapping away on her I phone on facebook , messenger etc.

Inside my heart I am gutted as the little time she sees me she is on that bloody thing it drives me mad. But so far I have said nothing and just let it ride as I don't want to lose her.

How the hell is a separated Dad supposed to deal with a nearly young teenager who is used to living her life this way.

It was kind of unlimited techno fest that drove me and mum apart.

Can anyone help me???xx

OP posts:
Delphiniumsblue · 09/05/2014 21:55

Can't you just chat and tell her that you don't like it, in a friendly way? Come to an agreement about when she will do it and when she won't.

sittingatmydeskagain · 09/05/2014 22:01

Can you find a shared interest or hobby with her that you can both enjoy and distracts her from the phone?

Ledkr · 09/05/2014 22:14

I've a 12 yr old girl who's the same.
We find it easier to tempt her off her tech by suggesting a game or film with us.

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andream34 · 10/05/2014 22:39

Dear Normal Bloke,

I'm afraid 12 yr old girls seem to all be doing this, as far as I can tell; mine is the same, if it isn't Blackberry messenger it's Snapchat, or some child version of facebook... and I really worry about these kind of things. On this one site my daughter has 485 friends!!! And over 4500 followers!!! How can this possibly be? I have not had 485 friends in my whole life time! And I am not THAT old!

I understand the bit about the different parenting styles too, my ex- just bought my daughter whatever electronic thing was in vogue when Xmas came around whereas at our house I bought her toys or art/craft things to try and stretch her imagination, as well as at least one board game every year. But eventually, at nearly 11, I had to give in, she didn't want to do anything else, and I bought her a tablet. But I have always try to be hands on, I offer to play board or card games with her (and she does sometimes does this), sometimes we just watch TV together, but she is less interested in going to the cinema with me (but with her friends now), also every Saturday that she is not with my ex- I take her out for lunch.

Good luck!

Andrea
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