Help me with my clingy 4yo

[Minicooper]

4yo dd had a really bad drop off at preschool a couple of months ago. Until then, she was quite happy, but that day her key worker and another teacher she likes were both away. I left her with another teacher and altho she was a bit tearful, I didn't think twice. At pick up, I asked if she'd settled fairly quickly and the teacher said that she'd decided that dd wasn't upset, but was cross, so she'd left her to cry. When another teacher came to distract dd, the first teacher said, no we're ignoring dd as she's cross.

When I picked her up, she'd had a good morning, but every single drop off since then has been a nightmare of clinging, screaming and saying she's scared of the teacher who left her crying. Its now spread into home life too - when I went to a friend's birthday recently, I left dd with her Dad and big sister and she got herself into such a state that she vomited.

I'm exhausted and finding it emotionally draining. What can I do to improve things? We've tried sticker chart, but she gets even more upset if she cries and therefore doesn't get a sticker....

I'm not surprised she's clingy. What a horrific experience to go through. It's preschool not secondary! What a cruel teacher.

From her perspective you left her somewhere that not only was she not comforted when upset but was effectively disciplined for crying. I would be having major words with the preschool. If they didn't reassure me that it wouldn't happen again I'd find a different school.

Your poor DD. I'd be absolutely livid.

Otherwise i think you'll have to push the boat out on love and reassurance that you'll always be there and you won't let this happen again.

Thanks, Theyaremysunshine. It was odd as my older dd went to the same preschool and its very out of the ordinary for them - they are usually extremely caring. Three other teachers are going out of their way to be super comforting to dd and she always has a 'happy ending' (her words!) but still finds the moment of separation very hard. Its just so upsetting to see her so distressed....

I would honestly raise it as unacceptable and ensure your dd knows you've spoken to them and she wouldn't ever be left to cry again.

Could she take a special toy with her? Or something of yours to look after for you (an old watch for example) so she "knows" you'll come and get her.

Do you need preschool for child care? Or could you consider withdrawing her until reception? 3 is very very young, barely out of being a baby. My DS is 3 and I often forget that to my shame.

Thanks, yes, she took some special things with her yesterday, but still struggled. I don't need her to go to preschool for childcare, so could lessen her days - she starts Reception in September, so I had increased to 5 mornings to help prepare her for school. But that's a lot of painful mornings!

Speak to the teachers about their treatment of your dd. I would.

To be honest, I'd strongly consider withdrawing her until September. Otherwise you're at risk of making her terrified of school. It's certainly not doing anything good for her at the moment. She can't possibly learn anything in an environment where she's so upset and afraid.

Give her your time just now if you can, build her confidence back up, shower her with love. She'll get there.

Or if you want to continue with preschool it may be worth talking to the head of early years and ask for an explanation of the treatment of your dd and ask for advice about how to get over the fear this traumatic event has sparked.

Still v cross with that horrid teacher on your behalf. Dreadful lack of insight into child behaviour. Poor little girl.