Help me decide what battles to pick for 11 month old

[widdle]

Calling all experienced Mumsnetters I hear all the time "pick your battles" but are there complete no-no's you can help me with?

My choice of battles is:

DS hates his highchair - even though he eats fine at nursery he will just scream when I put him in his highchair at home. Weirdly he is fine when we are eating out. He eats most of his dinners either being held by me or crawling around his playmat and making a mess

Dreaded sleep regression and refusal to settle at night - after a few months of self settling he is now back on the boob to sleep and getting up numerous times

No no no!! Wanting to play with the DVD's, remote controls, phones - most of the time I leave these ones but they get on DH's nerves. Ones I definitely say no to and distract from is playing with wires, pulling up to touch the TV, trying to pull over lamp

Biting me on the boob - ouch!!

So which are worthy battles to persever with and any tips please??!!

Sorry! One more

Nightfeeds Doc says I have to stop these by the time he is 1 but it's the only way I can get him back to sleep - (sob)

Hmm.

Highchair - I wouldn't let him crawl around and eat, I would insist on either sitting on your lap or highchair. If you're ok with him on your lap then I think that's fine.

Sleep/Settling - imo, go with what works. By the way, why does your doctor want you to stop night feeds by 1? Or alternatively, if the sleep deprivation is too much, then this might be one battle to have!

No no no!! - I would concentrate on baby proofing as much as possible. Put remotes/phones out of reach all the time, pull wires out of the way (we use masking tape to stick them up out of reach), block off access to DVDs or put on a higher shelf etc. Then just keep repeating yourself (I try and avoid "no", and say something like "not for touching". Then remove him from the situation. It will seem like it isn't working as he will keep trying, but eventually he will get it and comply.

Biting boobs - again, I would persevere with saying "ouch" and putting him down every time he does it. Again, it will take a while, but he will eventually get it.

Re the nightfeeds the doctor just said it would be making my life miserable - nothing re DS. TBH it wasn't my regular doctor and they are a bit old fashioned in some of their views so I was going to choose to ignore this one ...

The idea of picking your battles, is pick the ones that truly affect your family, the things which are disruptive and need changing -- not things that aren't really a big deal, but you feel you have to change because it's not the done thing. If it works in your family, it works. Don't stop night feeds because a doctor arbitrarily told you so, but stop them when you think the time is right for you and DS.

I have your sympathies with the highchair. If you're fine with him on your lap, I would stick with that. I watched a child who around 1 would only sit in his high chair without the buckles done up. That was fine, it was "riskier", he could stand up and theoretically tip himself out, but I sat with him and wouldn't let that happen.

The remote controls and DVDs, I don't have a problem with myself, unless it's a safety issue as you mentioned with the wires, it's not a battle to fight for me. One thing you could do is find an old remote, take out the batteries, and make that 'DS's special remote'. Only mum and dad are allowed to use the mum and dad remotes, and only DS is allowed to use the DS remote. That can help.

You know best what your family needs, remember that.

highchair hmm tricky one. any chance you can test out other high chairs (friends/relatives) and see if it's your high chair design he hates? (For example my DD hated the high chair at MIL's but is fine in all others). Or try it without the straps/with a high chair toy/with TV on? Anything really? I would persevere with this one tbh - not in the sense of letting him scream but in the sense of seeing if it can be fixed somehow.

self settling if it's been going on a while, and you have noticed a link between refusal to self settle and waking at night, then I would persevere with this too (ie I'd use CC). But only if you're sure he's not teething or ill.

no no no "no" has never really worked with DD and especially not at 10/11 months old. childproofing works better. Phones and remotes, we either put on a high shelf or (mostly) let her play with them . We put a large toybox in front of the TV so she couldn't touch it, which also hid all the wires. Lamps with trailing wires have been removed.

night feeds I wouldn't be bothered about night feeds per se but if you think he's got into a feed to sleep habit I would tackle that with CC as above.

boob biting non negotiable. dd always got removed from the boob if she bit. I would try again after 30 sec or so.

Marking my place with interest, DS same age!

Ikea Antilop is the one you are thinking of, I think!

no no no I try and keep up with this. I do move everything out of reach but for plugs and stuff I always respond as when we are in other people house and dd goes for it - if I say no, she stops and looks at me most of the time

highchair I would stick at it as we got in the habit f chasing dd round trying to feed her.

nightfeeds welcome to my world . sometimes she will settle with out. I know she is capable f going all the way through so it's just bloody habit. My friends 2 year old is still waking for one

boob biting hell no!

11 months old. Blimey.

What meals? Is his chair comfy? Maybe he is hungry - try giving him a bite to eat then pop him in.

Night feeds - meh. Go with it.

Keep stuff out of reach. He's so young and impulsive. He wants to explore so saying no will get you nowhere. Distract or if dangerous remove.

Biting - does it happen at the end of a feed? You can probably just take him off them. Or, what worked for me, was pulling dd into my boob as soon as she did it and saying no. Has to be immediate. It worked!

I'm thinking the highchair issue is the one battle I may have to tackle. It is definitely the most frustrating one at the moment. I have tried giving him toys (just throws them on the floor and waits for me to pick them up), putting food on his tray (gets dropped), putting the TV on (gets ignored), taking highchair outside.

I do wonder whether he just isn't hungry enough. Although he eats everything at daycare - even if he has breakfast with us he will eat another huge bowl of cereal at daycare

I feed him at 8am, 12:30 and 5 but he usually has some fruit or yoghurt mid morning and mid afternoon too. Too much?

Thanks again for all of your tips!

I didn't do snacks mid morning and mid afternoon at that age. It is possible that he isn't particularly hungry, depending on how much he's having as a snack.

Maybe try a much smaller snack and see if he's more interested in meals.

My DS is nearly 11 months. I'd persevere with the highchair because it could become a longer term problem and suddenly you have a two year old on your lap for every meal.... saw it with my niece and by the time they tackled it, things were getting ugly as every mealtime became a huge tantrum. The only time I let DS on my lap is when he's teething and hysterical and even then I try to get him back in once he's started eating.

The other thing I do with finger foods is only put one piece of food down at a time as any more and he just chucks it on the floor.

Everything else is your choice; I often think if it's not dangerous, let it slide, as they do grow out of it. If my son is emptying a drawer full of plastic cups and doing no harm whilst I cook, I let him get on with it. Cables /sockets are a firm no and distract with a toy though.

I'd probably get brave and tackle the night times, mine is a good sleeper but recently also regressing, and we've had to get tough as he's screaming blue murder then laughing when you pick him up and there isn't a tear in sight. I try not to pick up, just cover up, hand comforter, put his music on, and walk away. He gets seriously angry but the more we pander to it, the worse he gets. I'm confident he is neither unwell or teething at present, but he wants my constant attention every second of the day and screams and screams if he can't have it immediately. I've got another child so it's really tough as she's only 22 months herself! He's also thrown a couple of tantrums recently which shocked me and I haven't a clue what I'm supposed to do with an under one throwing himself to the floor screaming for whatever reason!

My DD is older (19 months) but recently decided she didn't like the highchair. Weirdly she is ok with sitting in it with just me home at lunchtime; so (in order) this is what we tried:

Letting her sit on us (unpleasant for everyone)
Got a booster seat (limited success)
Ate picnic style in the living room (more pleasant for us but she still wanted to sit on one of us!! Admittedly she did eat more for a while)
Got a toddler picnic bench so she could get up and down herself while we ate (limited success)

TBH none of it worked that well so today I have initiated re-conditioning - food in the high chair or not at all. I figure if she is hungry she will eat. Fruit and snacks she has always been aloud at any time so i've left them unchanged. I've also just given her dinner as normally she has milk around 5 and then dinner at 6.30 which I don't think was helping as she wasn't really hungry.

The others I can't really help with; although with the sleep regression thing I have started to give her a countdown to nap and bedtimes but your LO may be a bit young. We also put her in with us if she wakes in the night and it makes it (slightly) easier.

Highchair - my DS used to cry when I put him in it I would just give him something like a bit of cucumber to distract him. Maybe he is hungry when you put him in it? But I would persevere, even if he cries every time for a week he will soon learn highchair means yummy fun food time. if you have some bits on the tray ready, cherry tomatoes, sweet corn, toast, etc it becomes quite fun and your LO may learn to enjoy it. But I agree with earlier post you don't want him sitting on your lap at 2 trying to eat spat Bol, it might be very messy!

Saying no- again I would persevere, remove anything precious or dangerous and just teach them that some things are not for them to play with. My LO is 10 months and after 3 weeks of trying to play with the sky and DVD player and being told no every time, he has learnt not to go near it, and isn't interested at all. - but now his new obsession is the home phone.

Night feeds- can't help I used formula and followed a routine.

Biting boob- will be the same as he couple of bites I have had on the shoulder, saying "no we don't bite mummy and looking away for a few seconds (this was advice from mumsnet to me)

Like Millie when I put DS in the highchair he always screams thinking about it but it's because he's hungry so I only put him in it once food is literally ready, I never put him in it to wait whilst I prepare and didn't with DD either. As he opens his mouth to scream, food appears and he shuts up!

If he's in a really foul mood I will put a bit on his tray to distract him enough as he's getting in, he's so busy reaching for it he doesn't notice.

My DS is in such a demanding phase right now, it's driving me crackers. I literally can't do a thing without a background of screams because I'm not holding him / giving him attention. Please let it pass soon!

Have you tried a travel highchair? Like this:

www.totseat.com/english/home/

It's a sort of fabric sling that keeps them in the seat, not a proper highchair. We used this for DS and he loved it.

I would actually pursue all those battles. To me 'pick your battles' is for when they are a bit older and you have to reason with them a bit more. I can see not tackling everything at once but if you can improve his sleep (lots of different techniques) and get him eating at the table nicely, along with some babyproofing, that's seems like a reasonable course of action.

I agree it's good to tackle these things now, when they are a bit more Pavlovian, before you get to toddler stage when it all gets a lot harder.

Thanks all - think I'll try to solve the highchair battle first - that travel seat looks great but I don't know if DS will go for it - he doesn't like being restrained so I don't strap him into his highchair but as soon as I put the table attachment on he is wiggling around trying to get out!

He has been ill the last few days so not really eating so just giving him bits and bobs on my lap for now. Once he is well I'll try the highchair again - the one we have is kind of a converter chair that straps to a normal chair so think I won't bother putting the table part on - just give him food at the table (although that means strapping him in - hmmmmmmm) If all else fails I might just get a booster seat instead.

I never thought a highchair could be so problematic...