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Advice please - how to help my clingy 3yo dd enjoy nursery again...?

3 replies

Youcanneverhavetoomanybooks · 06/05/2014 22:42

Longish post - sorry!

We have dd1 - a lovely, lively and very articulate 3yo who has been at nursery since September. She had previously been at a childminder 3 days a week, so she is used to spending time away from us and, until now, she has been very happy both at nursery for mornings only, and with the childminder - who basically runs a small nursery from her house - for one afternoon a week extra. We had dd2 during February half term and dd1 has been amazing - adores her little sister. We have made sure to keep giving her lots of love and attention and to keep doing the activities that we did before with her - e.g. baking / reading etc. Haven't seen much in the way of jealousy at all.

Until just before the recent school holidays, things were going really well. But then she started to get really clingy - not wanting me to leave her at nursery and screaming and crying when I went. Since the holidays, she's not been joining in so much with the activities, but been crying and ending up being taken out to do something else with another teacher. The nursery have been really good - tried sticker charts and letting her hold the special toy - but I'm concerned that this is becoming her 'routine' and I want to try to stop it. She tells me that she misses me (and daddy!) and thinks she will cry when we go to nursery.

So far I've had 2 suggestions from friends - to give her something of mine to have while she's at nursery to look after that will remind her of me and also to ask her to do something / make something for me (so that I can be suitably impressed when she gives it to me). Also, to start using the strap line - 'Mummy always...comes back.' - and to get her used to saying the last 2 words as a sort of mantra. I'm also totally downplaying my time away from her - telling her I'm doing really boring stuff like waiting in queues at the post office etc that i know she'd hate to try to make her think she'd definitely prefer to be at nursery.

Any other ideas please? She's going to 'big nursery' in September at a new school (no place for her to stay on here) and I want to try to nip this in the bud and make it all as easy for her (and me!) as possible. Thanks.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Theyaremysunshine · 07/05/2014 09:52

It's not the nursery it's the baby.

Sorry! DS is nearly 4 and DD just turned 1 so was in your position last year. DS started preschool in Sept when DD was 3-4m. Complete behaviour melt down (though at home not school for us). Ignoring, tantrums, awful. Loads of crying and i don't want to go to school...

Spoke to the teacher and he was fine there. Making friends and seemed happy.

Absolutely no signs of jealousy. Adored his sister.Took a mum friend to point out that 2-4m is when they start to realise the new baby is not going back. They're a permanent thing that steals their mum.

Things that i think helped was as much 1to1 time with DS as possible. Not easy as DD clingy and frequent bf but we usually managed a 5min bedtime story even if DD cried and when out with DD asleep in the buggy I'd play with DS rather than chat to mum friends.

To give you hope we rode it out and after about 3m it resolved. It was so bad at one point that dh genuinely believed DS may have ASD and need professional help. We were very worried. It was just sibling adjustment. Ignore as much as you possibly can. Praise good behaviour. Lower your standards. Give her as much time as you can. It will pass.

wheresthelight · 07/05/2014 09:59

I agree with sunshine that it's a reaction to the baby and not nursery. It's the realisation that baby is with you all day and she isn't. It willingly better as she gets used to it again but it Willingale a few months inbound expect.

You are doing right by down playing what you are doing, but I would add in things like "Ohhh I am so glad you're home so now I can do something fun..." and try and involve her in things with the baby (am sure you are aalready) but get her to help with nappy changes and make the point that's much easier when she helps, have a box of her favourite books next to you when you feed the baby so she can snuggle in and you can read to her.Make the point that baby is so much happier when her best big sister is home etc

Good luck!

Youcanneverhavetoomanybooks · 07/05/2014 11:05

Thanks. I guess we'll just have to wait and see then and hope she comes out the other side.

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