3 children close in age - struggling when out and about - help, tips and advice please

[blimey3]

Hello, I'm new to mumsnet and am feeling a little bit fed up and isolated.

I have a 3yr old, a 2yr old and a 7month old and find I'm becoming quite isolated. My husband works odd shifts/days, so when he's home it's great, sometimes even easy?!....but when he's not it's really, really hard.

I feel really restricted and don't seem to have anything that is 'for me'. I try to go to the gym and put the children in the creche in order to get time to myself, but even then, it's hard to get a creche place for all 3 of them.

I've met some great new friends from my eldest's nursery, but I can only meet up with them when h is at home to look after the others - it's a bit much turning up with 3!

I also find it hard going to parks, soft play etc. as I can't keep an eye on all 3 at the same time?

Unfortunately, I don't get any support from family etc.

Sorry if this sounds like a negative winge. I love my kids to bits, but I really would appreciate any advice or ideas as I don't want to turn into a hermit!!!

hi blimey3 (love the name) i am in a similar situation with three aged 4,3, and 2 (13 months between the eldest, 15 months between the youngest). At first I did feel like people were judging me but now i think it is very cool to have them so close together.

It gets easier as they get older and more independent. I worried about being a hermit, as you put it, because i didn't go to any toddler groups etc but to be honest they wern't my cup of tea anyway regardless of how many children i had. I found a couple of great friends to meet up with for outings who didn't seem mind keeping an eye on all the kids if i had to feed/change nappy etc etc.

At the moment I tend to invite their friends to play at our house so i can relax with the mums in a familiar environment for the price of a couple of packets of biscuits.

I have found that most people don't mind me turning up with 3, if i ask first. My kids are fairly polite and well-behaved which helps.

When we go out alone i have my DD in the buggy, DS2 on the buggyboard and DS1 holding onto the buggy, to stop them straying.

Will have a think about this some more and get back to you!

hiya. im afraid i dont have more than one child but have worked in nannying and now childminding. you say your eldest goes to nursary, that you will find will be exciting and energetic for them. lots of running around and new toys etc, so maybe you could use that time to take the youngest 2 to soft play as 2 are easier to keep an eye on, aswell as they will both be happy in the younger bit. also when you go shopping if you can use a centre that has a creche and make a day of it. go mid morning and vist more child friendly shops, then have lunch. then put the 3 year old in the creche while you do the boring stuff. ( trying on clothes etc) use a double pushchair and hopefully little ones fall asleep. if the 2 littlest ones are regular and solid nappers after lunch then perhaps do something with your eldest in that time. a class or the park? you can park the pushchair some where safe and in eyesight and let the little ones sleep while you enjoy the time with the eldest. my friend who has 3 close has a young girl come one day a week. she plays with them at home in the morning while mum guts the house, laundry etc and then after lunch out they tackle the local supermarket. littles asleep in pushchair and big one in trolley. that way the weekends when partner is home is for family days out etc. the young girl also stays and has tea with the children, helps with bath time and then stays while mum and dad go out, either for a quick drink or a meal, cinema etc. they say it is the best £30 that they spend. not sure if that is an option, or if anything has helped but might give you an idea, you will find alot of support on here. go to the meet ups section and see if any are near you. hth

If people know you have 3 and invite you then go. I always took my 3 when they are little I have 5 now!
Where do you live?

blimey3, I have 3, aged 4.5, 1.9 and 0.5. Getting a Phil & Teds E3 pushchair revolutionised my life as you can put 2 in it, and push it with just one hand, so still manage the other one. You can also put a buggy board on it and it's still OK to push as is very light and freewheeling. This means I can walk to places, so don't feel like getting from A to B is too much trouble. I live near a zoo, and can even manage a walk round that reasonably easily.

I find that toddler groups are a good thing to do, as they are always in a confined space with a door, so the older ones can run around without you worrying.

But my favourite thing is to go to the houses of friends of my eldest child. The kids love to go out and play with new toys, the house is always childproof, and I get to spend time in adult company. I don't think that people who have kids of their own mind you turning up with 3 - it wouldn't bother me at all and I often have 10 kids running riot here. You can also invite them all back to yours.

Oh Blimey 3, I feel for you I really do. i've been there and am sort of there no. My eldest has just turned 8 , the youngest is 8 months and there are 3 others inbetween.nIam alsopreg with no 6.
Being with lots of very young children is an incredibly hard and often very isolating experience. You are very limited as to where youcan take them, particularly on your own. i am still haunted by the memories of standing on my own in park playgrounds watching other parents who had someone to be with ( my dp is self employed and didn't live with us at the time). I can't go to parks any more.
I found this summer particularly difficult as there were places I could have taken the 2 older boys but couldn't because of the 3 younger girls.You DO fell chained and it's horrible

BUT it WILL get easier as they get older. You need to get through this time, make as many friends with young children as you can so that you can have the help and company of other women ( hugely important). As your children get older you will realise you you all function very well as a unit and things will get better.
Pack lots of snacks when you go out!
Best of luck

I had a 3 yr old, 2 year old and newborn and the only way to get out is to bring a friend with just one baby with you i found. Have you tried the NCT ? I also put my older to in nursery 3 mornings per week and got nursery to give them their lunch. It's hard work but you'll come through it, i look back and can't believe i survived but wouldn't change a thing.

Me again
amyjo has great advice. I was thinking the same, that when mine eldest started pre-school life suddenly became easier as i could do things like the supermarket run or swimming with the two youngest.
I found that once i had accepted that there were things i couldn't do or weren't worth the stress and hassle, i was more positive about enjoying the things we can do. I also find that with 3, organised activity such as soft play gets expensive, there's lots of freebies out there. We go to storytime at the library, to playgrounds that are fenced in, to visit friends or have them round. Our house is popular with friends with only one pre-school age child, as we have stacks of toys and playmates!

Thank you foxtrot and all who have responded - it's really nice to receive all your kind advice and to know that you're not the only one in this situation. It's all to easy to feel dispondent and alone....which I'm afraid could quite easily slip into sad hermit lady mode!

I think inviting people to my house a bit more would be a way forward - like you say, you can relax a bit more in your own home.

Auntymandy - wow 5! I think you are right, if people have invited me I should go...might not get invited back! Only kidding, they are pretty well behaved. I just have to get over the idea that people will find it a nightmare having us all over. I guess they wouldn't invite me in the first place would they?

kittywits- no 6! I feel a bit silly moaning now! I think you're right about feeling a bit chained. I feel terribly guilty about not being able to take my eldest to swimming lessons because I don't have anyone to look after the others. Again, accepting invites and seeing more of my friends will help I'm sure.

Amyjo22 - thanks for all your suggestions. My eldest goes to nursery 3 mornings per week and I guess I could make better use of the time when she's there with the other two. I had been thinking of some outside help. It would be great to have a regular break - even if it is to do something quite sad like shopping/cleaning etc.

Foxtrot - I think you sum it up really well about accepting the things you can't do or are too much hassle and being more positive about the things you can do.

Thank you to all of you for giving me lots of positive ideas that I can try and focus on. They are a lot more practical than anything I seem to come up with myself - i.e. 'why can't I clone myself? 2 of me would be really handy!'
Please feel free to keep them coming, it's been really helpful.

Blimey3 - I have three they are now 7 4 1/2 & 3 1/2 and let me tell you its a million times easier now then a year ago and that was a million times easier then the previous year. Now my baby is 3 1/2 and at nursery and the middle one about to start school with her sister I about to have ... TIME. I'm thinking of taking a part time job, but dh says sit at home and wallow in peace and quiet because I deserve it to make up for the time when they were little. Just wanted you to know that it really really does get loads easier.

Also do not think twice about getting some help, we had an au pair for the first year, which we couldn't afford and got into debt for. Even with her 20 hours of help a week it was still v hard, but it was worth it. If you haven't got the cash/space for an au pair don't forget all the colleges look for placements with families for students on nanny or nursery courses. I was offered one for three days a week - free! (Had got the au pair by then)

Keep your pecker up - your doing an amazing job.

thank you Celia2 for your suggestions. I bet you wish you were an octopus with triplets and 1 other! Well done you!
A few friends have offered their kids outdoor toys that they have grown out of - after reading about your playgroup style garden, I'm thinking that would be the way forward.

Oh thank you so much for your kind words glassofwine. It's nice to know it gets easier! I think your dh is right, you should enjoy that rare commodity of 'time' - but I guess this three kids your still going to be busy!
Our house is a bit titchy - so no room for an au pair, but I reckon after reading about other people's experiences, yours included, getting some sort of help would definitely be worth the financial cost. Can't have me rocking and dribbling in the corner can we? Sanity vs cost eh?

blimey3, can you get in touch with your local college? Ours is always looking for families with young children for placements for the students on their childcare courses. That way it won't cost you anything but you'll get an extra pair of hands at least once a week. September is probably a really good time to contact them too, because all the new courses are starting.

I'm expecting #3 in Dec and will have ds aged 3 (only just, by a couple of days), dd aged 16 months and the new one to cope with and I'm seriously considering getting one of these students in. I'm also pleased to hear it all gets easier - I'm getting a bit weary of all the 'you must be mad' comments, grrr!!

Thanks for that Olihan. That's a really good idea and definitely one I'll look into. Although it might cause a few students to drop out of their courses!

Good luck with no.3 - I know what you mean about the 'must be mad' comments. Mind you it was my New Years Resolution 'not to go mad by June' (no. 3 was born Jan). Well June has passed, and apart from the nervous twitch....only kidding!

Seriously, I know my posted message stresses the things I find difficult, but there are so many good things. My kids make me belly laugh on a daily basis - that could be madness, granted, but having 3 really is a joy. So good luck!

have similarish age gaps 14 months and 18 months. Def have more people to play than we go to their houses. It is much less stressful than the park. what has helped me is locating, even if it means driving parks that have confined play areas with limited entry exit points ( ideally only one) and that are fenced in with clear visibility so if I make a play date there It minimised the stress. I have a seat to go and when we are on route I will often make two sit in the double pushchair and one sit on the seat to go (buggyboard type thing that they can sit on ). it is non negotiable, if one runs across the road the others will follow. More recently I have done a swop with a friend who has 3 children two the same age as my eldest two - i take the her holdest and she my middle to play with her middle child and vice versa. means that they get a chance to play with peers without always having younger / older siblings in two. I only shop in tescos as they have four child trolleys and as long as I make it quick I can often get away with it ( my children gorgeous as they are are by no means angels).

Yep, the parks are the tricky thing. I have a double buggy and buggy board, and like you they have to stay in that when we are 'en route'.
Might have a word with my 2 kid friends about the old child swap thing.
Thanks!