Has bringing up a toddler made you more assertive?

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It's something I've always wondered!

The constant boundary-setting for a little one makes me think that being a parent of a 2 -5 year old must make you more likely to be able to transfer these skills to adults, e.g. if you need to speak up for yourself when out and about, in the workplace etc.?

Is there a point now where it's so much easier than it was before you had children, or you just don't care so much about trying to people-please?

Maybe I'm being too optimistic - I'm very shy myself but always thought that I would be a bit more outspoken once I had DC because they would be the focus and I wouldn't be as self-conscious anymore. Life would be too short! Am I right?

Funnily DP told me I'm taking a lot less shit these days from people I used to tend to be to nice to people and get annoyed about being taken advantage of but never said anything, now I'm telling people when I feel they are messing me about and DS has not long turned 2 so maybe your on to something.

I think the biggest change in me from having a toddler is the patience and problem solving I've developed from dealing with tantrums and general contrariness. I'm not sure it transfers though since I seem to have a shorter temper with others as a result. Is that assertiveness? I'm not sure.

Then again I do get quite defensive/protective on DD's behalf so maybe that does make me more assertive. I think you're right that it matters what your disposition was previous to kids.

That's a really interesting thought - I agree that setting boundaries and being very clear in communicating are skills that probably transfer over to the workplace or wherever.

I also think that when you have kids, your time becomes a lot more precious, so things that would have been tolerable, like the inefficiency of others, previously, become less so!

Absolutely! Setting clear boundaries, and making clear what the consequences will be if they are transgressed, is a hugely transferrable skill.

So much seems less intimidating when you've dealt with a tantrumming toddler, too. I deal with silverback-style rants in the same way as toddler tantrums now - "We can revisit this when you're ready to talk about this reasonably, but I won't respond to your shouting."

Though you have to watch out that you don't kill the effect by threatening to put their train set in the shed for a week.

Do you think it's about toddler-managing behaviours or could it be the simple fact of having a child gives you more confidence? I know I felt much more like a proper adult woman after having a child; if I could be responsible for another human being (and by and large not do too crap a job of it) I felt like I could manage most things and that I had a right to be taken seriously.

Perhaps others have mastered that feeling without children though.

I definitely take less shit from people where DS is concerned, i think its because i know how i felt putting up with certain things & i would hate him to go through that so will always speak up on his behalf. I agree with Hopalong, having kids does make you feel more in charge of your own life!

No. Not at all. I am far less judgy than I used to be pre-DC though.

Absolutely! It's something I've told people many times, especially other mothers worried about going back to work.

When my twins were born I already had a toddler to deal with, and the whole experience has improved my confidence and my negotiation skills. After I had gone back to work, after a year I was promoted to manager. I find managing an office to be quite similar to managing lots of small children!

And of course I love both my jobs :-)

Work skills that have improved since having a baby/toddler:

1. using small amounts of time productively - I used to faff away small windows of time, but when you have a baby/toddler you learn to do things when you can because there will be no other time

2. getting out of the office on time - because I have to.

3. delegating - see above.

4. not thinking about work when I'm at home. A toddler is a great distraction from work stress, and gives me a sense of perspective.

5. having more empathy for what else might be going on in someone's life that means they may not have been able to return my call or whatever

6. possibly more confident in my abilities at work - but for the opposite reason from HopALong - I don't think I'm great at looking after a baby or toddler so coming back to work made me feel like "ah, this is what I'm good at".

at similarity between toddlers and senior partners. Both expect the impossible, instantly...

I have found the opposite; my confidence has been totally shattered by parenthood. I'm a hospital consultant by day, coping with all sorts of serious stuff and a jibbering wreck of a single mother by night. Give me Saturday night in A&E to sort out over a toddler meltdown any day.

My dh said I was more assertive since having our ds. I think he means I'm more likely to shout at him.

I take less nonsense from adults since returning to work. Mostly because I'm not prepared to put up with behaviour in adults that I wouldn't accept from my 6 year olds.

No. Another one whose confidence is in shreds.

I'm less judgy now.

I'm more assertive in that I find it easier to say "no" to people since having DCs - mostly because whatever favour it is being asked of me impacts on the children too, whereas before I would've put myself out more.
Also, discovering mumsnet since having DCs has made me realise that no, actually, IANBU, so might stick up for myself more.

DD2 is such a minx that even though I am quite shy, I'm now one of those mums who has to fireman's-carry a screaming tot away from the play area.

Not more assertive as such, but like others, I do think it's improved my communication skills. Partly because small children don't do hints, sarcasm, passive-aggressiveness or recognising why someone is sulking. If you want them to do something you have to actually ask them - plainly, directly and politely. It's been like a revelation

DH and I also communicate better - a) because teamwork is now more important than ever, and b) we know we need to set a good example for the DC!

Got to say I'm easier going with people. I wouldn't say I'm more assertive just more concerned with my home life to really give a rats ass about other matters

Whitzend