coping with 2.5 year old behaviour

[jan2014]

hi i have been really struggling lately,thought i would start a thread even just to get it off my chest.

dd seems to me to be a very intense child, she wakes very early, high energy, always needs me to play with her and won't do anything on her own, which is ok except Im a lone parent and also have some health issues and just find the intensity a bit overwhelming sometimes. i do get help but still struggle especially on days i don't feel so great.

her behaviour has been so so challenging even from when she was around 15 months. i do put boundaries down and am consistent, but find it so draining, and its really getting me down. she has recently starting pulling my hair and biting me when she tantrums too. everything is no, she won't get changed - all the usual toddler stuff. aside from this she is a happy child. i think if i just had one problem to deal with i would be ok, but at the minute in my life i seem to have multiple problems going on, and when she is acting out it seems to be the last straw and then i feel like i can't cope. i suppose i just need to keep doing what im doing and know that this stage will pass.

Yes it will pass. Have a word with your HV, she might know of a positive parenting course near to you. It might be good to go and get some tips and share your experiences with some other parents.

How are you? You sound quite down.

hi thank you for replying yes i have been a bit down at times. im already involved with surestart and did a small parenting course through that. i have a tendency when things get very difficult to withdraw from people as i feel its all a bit too much, rather than ringing them and asking for a meet up. most of my friends have children too and a meet up would mean then dealing with them playing (and fighting!) together which after a rough time seems too much so i end up isolating myself. mum has been a great help and has taken dd now and again for me.

Think you might be better concentrating on yourself for a little while. Could you get someone to have her while you go to the GP and discuss your feelings?

yes, i will get to the GPs, not sure what they can do though. im already on a low dose antidepressant, any higher doesn't work for me (ive tried a few times), and i think any counselling would cause more stress as its using up child free time i really need to rest. but i will go and have a chat with them, have to go anyway soon due to ongoing fatigue. in the mean time i will try and play music in the house when dd and me are in it, i think that will help somehow and have a clear plan for each stage of the day.

jan2014, I have a 2.5 year old too and I find him hard work. He's always been an 'intense' child too, as a baby he would roar his head off the second he opened his eyes (after a 15 minute nap, 15 minutes is all he did for the first year).

I often looked in wonderment at friends' babies who could lie in their buggy or cot wide awake and gurgling happily.

The thing is though, he's SO bright. He's talking like a child who is much older, in fact from the moment he opens his eyes in the mornings he never stops yapping. This morning I counted 17 times in a row he said "I'm not brushing my teeth."
Everything at the moment starts with "I'm not", be it putting our clothes or shoes on, going out to the park, going to visit grandparents - everything.

It is absolutely beyond me how we're going to tackle potty training while he's in this utterly defiant mode. He's not interested in star charts or bribery of any kind

Anyway I just wanted to offer you some support and let you know that you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed and tired of it sometimes. DS is a fantastic little boy but I genuinely can't wait for him to get past this constantly defiant stage.

I also think people who have 'easier' children don't really get it.

Its a hard age, especially when she's your only one and there isn't an older sib around (who would play with them and take some of the intensity off).

It will get better by 3 or 3.5. Just go with it and try to keep as calm as possible!

thank you bump and violator. its good to know it will pass and i keep just trying to stay calm!! this morning i was done by 8am... then the day just kept getting worse. i am actually getting palpitations at times. the doc did give me diazapam a long time ago if needed it, and i still have that, but i never take it because it means i wouldn't be able to drive the car and also you need all your wits and a 6th sense about you when you have a dd like mine.

violator your ds sounds absolutely lovely, but yes hard work. i totally get the intensity... and i think yes he sounds very intelligent, i know dd is also intelligent as she always has to know exactly how things work and seems to be so aware of every single little thing going on - i can get away with nothing. like your ds, dd hardly slept when she was younger, and was an awful sleeper at night up till recently. its hard when i try to explain to my friends that she is so intense and hard work as they just say 'all kids are hard work' and seem to minimise my experience. but i have one friend who does understand as she sees the difference, and she sometimes comments on it and says i don't know how i would cope if my dd was like that, or says my dd is more easy going or something along those lines. she isn't criticising, she is just telling me the truth! and i am grateful, as usually i feel like im the only one who feels that my child has a bit of extra energy / intensity than a lot of others i meet. hopefuly she will grow out of it. and maybe it is simply that i am on my own with her so that makes it more intense too . oh i don't know, need to shut up now. nerves a bit wrecked this morning.

Jan, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. My son is just turned two, and like your daughter and Violator's son, he is a high-intensity, high-needs, clever child, who needs an awful lot of attention. I have no advice, and I'm not coping well myself with my son's current tantrums and hitting, but I just wanted to say that another person with a high-intensity child gets your difficulty. I used to sit at NCT group coffee mornings, when all the babies were under three months, and marvel at the ones who would just go down for a nap or lie gurgling on a rug, while mine was fighting his way out of my arms and roaring.

oh dear burren. its nice that im not alone, but i really do feel for you too. i do know one person who had a very high intensity toddler who caused a lot of problems, but now he is around ten, and has been excelling in school and has loads of friends and great social skills, but his mum said at toddler age he was awful and she could hardly cope. that gives me hope for the future.
i always envy (and on bad days even cry!!)other mums who seem to be able to just take their toddler places for example out for lunch or a snack in a coffee shop and they will sit for more than 10 minutes, or will just get on with things while their mums have a chat together.... no, my dd is whining at me, crawling all over me, or seeing what she can climb behind me, or grabbing everything on the table, or getting up and running round the shop after 5 minutes (no matter what i have brought to entertain her) till i have to leave. now i just take her to places i know i will be not as stressed, i never ever bring her shopping or out for lunch or anything like that.