Safe bed sharing.

[Writerwannabe83]

I have always said I would never bed share, but after a Lactation Consultant spoke to me yesterday about it I realised that maybe it's not as dangerous as I thought it would be. When DS wouldn't settle this morning I bought him into bed with me and although I wouldn't let myself fall fully asleep it felt so lovely to be cuddled up together.

I'm sure I didn't do it the 'safe way' as I don't really know much about it, I just made sure he was on his back, the quilt wasn't above his hips and there were no pillows near the top of his head. Does that sound ok? I was worried about the top half of his body being cold though, are we supposed to cover them with their own blankets?

The consultant also spoke about feeding him lying down, which I tried for the first time this morning but I think it's fair to say neither of us really knew what we were doing. It certainly didn't feel like I was in a natural and relaxed position so at least there'd be no risk of me falling asleep. How do other people do it without the fear of suffocating the baby with your breasts? He was so tucked in to me when he was feeding that I can't see how a suffocation risk isn't there should the mother fall asleep?!

I'm just after any words of advice or support really and reading about other people's experiences of co-sleeping.

Hi writer.
I haven't co-slept fully with my DS but have on occasion had him in with me on bad nights.
Feeding lying down takes a bit of getting used to, put was an absolute god send for me (emcs). I'm not sure how to reassure you about the safety of it, but my experience was simply that my instinct kicked in to protect him even when asleep.
Honestly, when you're that tired it's easy to not move whole you're akip! The other instinct is of course DONT wake the sleeping baby!

Keep the covers well away, make sure you are both wearing enough clothes. I have always found if I have them on my legs I pull them up in my sleep, and risk cooking the baby!

I used to put DD so her head was by my boobs, so she was nowhere near the pillow. Strictly speaking there probably should have been no pillow at all.

Cosleeping saved us, when DD was awake every hour it was so good to feed lying down, I barely had to wake up!

Oh, and we didn't get feeding lying down right until she was 3mo or so. I think she couldn't keep her head in the right place before then.

I coslept and ebf both dc past 6m.

kellymom has some bed sharing guidelines. It's a great bf resource in general.

Basically, he should be between you and the side of the bed, not between you and DP. Don't cosleep if either of you has been drinking etc.
don't use the duvet anywhere near him. Use it for you if necessary but not above your waist. Better to use a jumper. I always had dc in vest, babygro and sleeping bag; but lower tog than I would have used if they were in a cot alone.

I'd lie on my side with my pg pillow behind me for support and a pillow under my head. Duvet wrapped around my legs so no way dc could get under it. Dc close to me, body parallel, slightly on their side, with muslin under head to catch dribbles, at breast level. My arm outstretched on the bed above their head.

I felt comfortable to sleep. I'd wake to latch them on them fall back to sleep fairly often. By 3 months both could self latch and sometimes I'd barely wake.

I really enjoyed cosleeping and would have continued longer, but I had to go back to work and couldn't be there each night so converted them to the cot for consistency. Still miss it.

Haha, writer, I remember you being passionately anti co-sleeping before your LO was born and did wonder whether you'd change your mind once they arrived :)

I also love co-sleeping, partly for the cuddles and partly because DD feeds up to five times a night and only by co-sleeping am I able to get back to sleep within about 15 minutes (she generally doesn't even wake).

If your bed is big enough, and if you are worried about the safety aspect, it can be reassuring to have the baby in a sleepyhead in the bed. You'll be less likely to pull the duvet up over them that way, though it does mean they can't just latch on and off as described (though I couldn't do that anyway as if I try to sleep without a bra and pads, DD and I wake up in a lake of milk).

Enjoy!

Hi writer!

I didn't co-sleep with my DD until she was a bit older but I found the best way was to put her in her own baby sleeping bag and place her on top of whatever duvet/ cover I was using (I still would only have the duvet up to my waist). I'd wear a dressing gown/ onesie myself if it was cold.

The best position is to curl up in a C shape around your baby - with your arm as the top of the letter C - your arm will stop you rolling on to them.

I'd love to co-sleep with baby DS but DD is still in with me and I can't work out a safe enough way to have them both in the bed together...

We've co slept with our son since birth, he's now 7 months and I've definitely got more confident since he's been bigger. Main things I'd say:

• duvet is up to my waist with his legs on top of it
• I lie on my side and use my under arm as a shield around his head and back (many a night of aches but he's safe)
• I'm more aware than dh so I mainly keep ds on the outer edge of the bed
• have def got more sleep Co sleeping, however there have also been times when he suckles most of the night. I tried a bra but he just got mad
• if dh drinks I keep extra vigilant
• I actually found it easier to check on his safety having him closer

We're at the point now where ds is like a proper third occupant of the bed (king size due next week ). It's lovely, being all together, and he loves snuggling up, though I'm sure it won't be long till he wants to sleep with all his toys in the nursery.

I came tithe conclusion that it was better to safely co sleep than be so knackered I was falling asleep during feeds in an unsafe way, iykwim. Our co sleeping situation is:

• sidecar cot as a bed guard (occasionally I settle the baby in the cot, but rarely TBH, although after about 4 months I did it more). Ours is the NCT bednest, so also easy to travel with if we are sleeping elsewhere
• baby between me and the cot, so no risk of DH squashing them
• a sheet and two double cellular blankets instead of a duvet, all tucked in at the foot of the bed so they can't ride up. I sleep in PJ bottoms, a nursing vest and a cardigan so sonny get cold. Have even been known to don a close fitting snood/neck warmer thing!
• in early weeks, feed sitting up until end of feed, then lie down and resettle by feeding another minute or two - feeding lying down not comfy with a newborn IME as their latch isn't string enough, so you need to hold everything in place. When bigger, just feed lying down.
• baby's head at boob height, my knees tucked up in a c shape so I physically can't roll onto them.

Honestly, I never believed it until I started doing it, but as long as you are sober you have the most incredible sense of where your baby is, even when asleep. I have BFed all my babies so no idea if that is affected by BF/FF (I understand that bed sharing is meant to be safer if you BF, but don't quite know why). I sensed it literally if the baby shifted one leg or arm, and I didn't move a muscle in my sleep so no risk of me moving. It's a completely different type of sleep to what you used to do pre baby, but it's a hell of a lot more restful than waking/resettling every time. It means those odd nights of 1 or twos hourly feeds don't kill me.

Oh, and FWIW we started gently transitioning to settling in the co-sleeper/a bigger cot at 6-8 months with all of them, with no crying at all (putting them down completely asleep at first, then slightly less asleep, then finally awake). It took about a month each time but then they were sleeping in the cot as and when I wanted with no probs at all, and neither older DC has co slept beyond 10 months, and I don't intend to with DC3. I like to know I'm getting my bed back .