Help- just found DS (7) and a friend touching each other

[freshstart24]

DS has a good friend who he spends a lot of time with. They have always had a tenancy to take their clothes off and tear around, but we have a rule that pants stay on.

I check on them often and this afternoon went up to his room to hear them whispering something about 'that being private'. I went in to find them both without pants on, they had both obviously been touching either their own or each others penises.

I completely panicked, it obviously all felt very very wrong but at the same time they are just seven and I'm unsure where natural curiosity crosses the line into something more seriously wrong.

I explained that they should not be touching themselves or each other in front of other people. I said it is normal for people to touch their own private parts, but that noone except grown ups who are partners should touch each others'. I also said it was very very wrong for a grown up to touch a child.

They both looked mortified and DS kept apologising.

I have explained the situation to DS's friends mum, which I found hard to do- she didn't seem very concerned.

I've reiterated what I said to DS. Plus told him its ok to be curious about bodies, and asked if he had any questions. He kept saying over and over that he didn't want to talk about it. he knows the vary basics of where babies come from but that is all.

I don't know what else to do, should I be worried? He clearly didn't want to talk about it.

I would really appreciate some advise please.

I think next time I would have a rule to keep clothes on.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, like you said curious.

Try not to worry I'm sure it won't happen again.

Try not to freak out. Chances are it's nothing more than innocent curiosity.

You might want to have a talk with your DS about this though: www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/the-underwear-rule/the-underwear-rule_wda97016.html

No - you shouldn't be worried . It's one of these things that kids do, you've explained that willies are private etc, now just move on and don't say any more about it otherwise he'll be very embarrassed and will probably feel quite humiliated.

Thank you for the reassurance.

I didn't say so clearly in my first post, but what bothered me the most was that they both had erections. Can I still put this down to innocent curiosity?

Thank you for the link, I will definitely use it.

Children don't ascribe the same social reasoning to actions that we do as adults. In their eyes, they were just exploring their bodies with each other. I suppose there is a chance one or both of them will turn out to be gay but that is something for another day once he is older. The erection thing is a likely hyperdrive of them touching themselves. Is there a man that he trusts that he can talk to (I don't wish to make any assumptions)?

It doesn't sound like anything goes to worry about unduly. Kids have played "doctors and nurses" for centuries. It is innocent exploration.

Talk to DS, explain things so he understands what is regarded as acceptable, but keep it light. Don't make him feel he has done something bad.

The bit about it being private would ring alarm bells for me. Not sure why - just wondering where they'd made that connection and the whispering bit.

Because they are 7 - they'll have had safety talks at school (not sure how it's taught where the OP is), there will have been playgound talk, and the OP has also made it quite clear on previous occasions that pants are to stay on.

I remember doing things like this on the odd occasion as a little child. Feel lucky my mum didn't catch me and do what you've done OP - I would have been completely traumatised and humiliated. :-(

Boys this age get erections and enjoy their willies in a very childlike way. If I'd found my ds doing this I would have been brusque and no nonsense - said something like 'not appropriate, clothes on please! And chivvied them off to do something else. I would have had a brief word with my ds later explaining that this sort of play isn't acceptable and I didn't want him to do it again.

Perfectly normal including the erections. It's all about curiosity and discovering their own bodies and comparing whether all boys have same bits etc.

Don't panic!

You have done the right thing in what you have discussed with your ds, but I wouldn't keep going on about it iyswim as he sounds like he is already upset etc

Perfectly normal for small children of the same age to 'play rude' with each other. I'd guess it's more common to be boy-boy and girl-girl just because that's who they're friends with, nothing to do with their sexuality.

TBH I think you overreacted - let it drop.

Boys can get erections at 7??? I thought they started at puberty. Well I learnt something new.

I remember when I was a kid and playing with my friends, we often touched each other, purely out of curiosity. I felt no shame until a 12 year old boy dropped his trousers and said he needed a 'nurse'. I was about 8 years old, or less. It looked odd and for the first time I felt embarrassed. He wasn't erect or anything, but that's when I first realised it wasn't normal behaviour. He quickly pulled his trousers back up and blushed red. He never tried it again. I think we all got a bit carried away.

I think this is normal behaviour, between children of the same age who haven't yet hit puberty. My partner often bathes with my two year old daughter so she becomes used to the male naked body and possibly won't be so curious when she grows older. Perhaps a chat is in order?

Walking in on that situation is bound to make you flustered and unsure, so I don't think you reacted badly, but be wary of making it into something that causes embarrassment or humiliation, you don't want your child to feel that way about his own body do you?

boomer they can get them from birth!

Definitely get them from birth - it was a big shock to me a a new mum of a boy, I can tell you!

I don't think it's anything to worry about, I remember doing similar as a kid it's just curiosity