Who here has honestly let their heart rule their head re having another baby?

[Pollycracker]

We would love to have another one.

There are so many cons.

But you only live once, right? What if we regret not having one?

(Would be no 4 if that makes a difference!).

Thanks x

I have 4. It's pretty hard going, have no family around. My heart may have ruled my head, dh was happy with three, however, I definately don't regret it!

I'm trying to let my heart rule. But it's up and down every day. We'd be going for No.3. Youngest is 3.5yo, so I'm not sure I can cope going back to sleepless nights and nappies. Plus we have a lot more bills now and I'd only be taking 6mths off work if that. And then there is the expense of holidays, university etc and my age. I've loosely decided if I'm not pregnant in the next 5mths, then I need to forget it.

Thanks ladies. I was pretty happy-go-lucky when we tried for the first three - so just told myself "you can do it, it'll be fine". But this time I'm constantly thinking it through rather than just going for it.

HerRoyal - I found 2 DC much easier than 1 but 3 harder than 2! Everyone is different though. What will you do after the 5 months is up?

We could just about fit another in the house, and they have their own playroom. The car is too small :( but I'm not in a position to buy another. I've looked at Multimacs, but they're so £££. And what do you do when the DC grow out of it?

I don't think any of the grandparent would take all four. Do you ever get "date nights" with your dh, imip?

Aahhh I said no more after dc3 (very frightening home birth where she was delivered by DP!) but I can't shake the thought of it now.

I carefully planned number two so dd1 would be at school once I finished mat leave so would only have one in nursery (couldn't afford 2 in nursery and couldn't afford to give up work). Anyway, dd2 arrived... with dd3 - identical twins. I've changed my job completely and work around the girls from home, we do not have lovely holidays abroad like we used to etc and are for the first time having to watch the pennies. It can be stressful but I love my family and cannot imagine life with just 2 children. It has worked out fine for us so with hindsight I would say follow your heart :)

The thing is, it's not just you that will suffer if you don't have enough resources to go around - its the three DC you already have. Car isn't big enough? Um, so what will you do? You can squeeze another one into your house? Well okay, but will the others thank you for being 'squeezed'. I'm a very head over heart kind of person and can't imagine doing something that will impact my existing family in a negative way. The biological urge is stronger in some that in others, but if you really can't afford another then IMO it would be irresponsible.

What's date night

No, not really, but that is more of a function that we have no family around. And to be honest, not that many friends (we are from abroad).

In the past year we have been out three times, the first three times since having kids. It's ok, the kids are a handful, I breastfeed and attachment parented them. I didn't want to leave them unless it was someone they really knew. However, recently, a lovely friend and I have been swapping baby sitting favours and mine can reliably sleep from 9 til midnight (actually, in the past week they've all slept through bar one night, but shhh, I don't want them to know I know .

If we were at home, I'm sure we'd have a better social life. I should build up a network of friends I could share baby sitting with, just going out for 2-3 hours once they are asleep, but I'm a little shy!

I let my heart rule my head having my first, which is just becoming a bump :)

For me going from two children to three was the biggest decision - far bigger than going from one to two. Hubby kept doing the sums regarding stuff like what age we would be when our youngest reached teenage years, twenties etc. He was only half-hearted though, and as the eldest of three himself he was happy to go for it.

I knew all the pros and cons and I let my heart rule my head. I am so glad I did. Our third (and for us final) "baby" is now 11 years old. No regrets here, although practical stuff like the finances have been far from straightforward.

I have. Had 4 dc wasn't planning another but a bfp forced us to think carefully. We decided to terminate as we felt we couldn't afford another or fit another into our lives. But when push came to shove we just couldn't go ahead with it. In our hearts we knew a termination would haunt us and we went ahead with the pregnancy. 5 yrs later I'm so glad we followed our hearts

34 pregnant weeks with DC3. Total heart over head thing. We originally thought we'd have 3, decided after 2 that it would be much more sensible to stick with 2, but the question kept coming up. Eventually we just thought "fuck it" because we just couldn't move on from the question even though our heads were telling us to be sensible each time we talked. So we went for it.

My head is now screaming "are you insane?" but that's mainly because I've realised I have to go through labour again

Money, car and house space was all ok for us, so it was more a decision about being outnumbered, what the family dynamic would be, did we want to go back to sleepless nights, could we cope with holidays being trickier with 3, what would we have to do career wise etc.

We had an accidental dc3 after a big gap. My head said terminate but my heart couldn't do it. There are logistical and financial puzzles I have no idea how we will solve but he's wonderful.

I've only had the one and she's just over two years old. My heart and my head are constantly warring. To help me decide, I involved both sets of grandparents. Neither are too happy about me having another child. It's because money is so tight we often get financial help from them to buy nappies, clothes, even down to pints of milk halfway through the month when the money is gone.

Of course it'd be totally selfish to have another child when I can't afford the one I've got. Why should my parents bring her up for me?

But I can't see when our money problems will ever get better as dp has huge debts from before he met me. Time is running out for me as I'm old and I don't want my daughter to be an only child, I want her to have support from a sibling when she is older, and I think the age gap right now or at the most one more year is perfect.

So at the moment we're hanging back until I can find a way to make it work without having to ask for money again.