Toddler tantrums - desperate plea for help...(long sorry)

[Bogwoppit]

ds 2.5 yrs is going through this horrendouse phase at the mo. Just need support / advice.

He hates having trousers on - screams & yanks at them- would go round in his pants all day if i let him but is is soo cold.

he won't wear anything that comes up high on his neck - it "tickles/itches" him. so that rules out 1/2 his clothes.

Coats - well that is hit & miss. he had a huge strop in car on Fri resulting in him nrly eascaping form car seat while i was in a q of traffic all cos he didn't want his coat on.

I have no idea why clothes seem to annoy him so much at mo. Is it a phase or is there really something about them that is irritating him?

He is getting a nightmare at mealtimes - rfuses to feed himself

How do I go out anywhere when all I get is tantrums.

I am getting close to losing it with him big time which i sooo don't want to do.

I am 28 weeks preg so him kicking out at me hurts & i can't carry him far esp when he is screaming.

Is it cos he is getting jealous of bump?

He isn't like is all the time, but is stropping 2 or 3 times a day. can be soo sweet & loving but thenthis monster appears from nowhere.

2.5 yo boys are little thugs, IME. I doubt it's the pregnancy. I used to let mine go out wearing just pants in the cold, pinned his legs down or strapped him in pushchair for kicking, and only put my foot down and stopped feeding him (he's now over 4yo) entirely about 1 month ago.
I still have to drag him and carry him tantrumming, sometimes, sigh.

Symphathy as dd was awful. The only thing that helped us was by me ignoring her when she was tantruming.....and I realise that this isn't always possible. I wasn't brave enough to try the jug of water treatment!

My ds1 was five last week and he still has tantrums now. He runs off when we are out shopping. I've lost count of the number of times ASDA have had to paige all staff to locate him when I've got panicky. But this is easier than it used to be. Every day was a battle when he was 2.5 Ignoring bad behaviour where possible is the best way to go IME. Only argue if you'll see if through to the end. Don't start saying no and then give in half way through because you've had enough. You'll probably be finding it harder to deal with because of hormones. I know I did when I was pregnant with ds2. Good luck. You're not alone.

He sounds as if he is hypersensitive to textures. DS1 is as well. We found that a desensitisation programme really helped.

After bath time use didfferent materials to stroke on his body. Start with something like a rough flannel and cotton wool. Stroke up the leg first with the flannel- rough to the fronf of the leg, then woith the cotton wpool - smooth to the front of the leg. do this systematically for the whole body (not face or nappy area.

We did this and within 10 days ds1 was wearing drssing up clothes, belts,hats, watches- all things that couldn't be tolerated before. I have noticed that if we stop doing this the sensitivity comes back

have you tried a short explanation. for example ' i really need you to help me get you in your car seat. you need your car seat so you can be safe' really emphasise word 'safe' and try and involve him - he is probably striking out for independence, testing you to the limits and is now looking to make sense of the world which is full of abstact concepts. until he is about 5 years old you are his world, which is rather like holding a bloomin' great mirror at you which is very difficult and challanging because you have to model the behaviour you want your son to copy and teach him to manage his emotions. reading your post you sound exhausted. do you really need to go out very much at the mo? do you want to? if not could you shop online for food etc.? so you can try and relax and enjoy your son and your pregnancy. it's such a fleeting time.re:food just ignore if you can and let him play with the food for now if he wants to - mine flips if he is being watched or told how/what to eat with. re the clothes thing i second jimjams he sounds very sensitive (like my ds1) if the short explanation doesn't work try letting him out in his vest or no coat then have them ready on standby when he comes to let you know how cold it is. maybe he needs to 'feel' the cold to understand it? when my ds1 is having one of those days(which is usually because i'm having one of those days) i give him lots of baths to help him calm down. good luck

BW - My ds hates his coat around his neck too, and is always saying 'Coat noying me' and making a frustrated sound. Know where you are coming from. I think it's a phase (please God!)

My ds was a like that at that age too, throwing a hissy fit if we attempted to interfere with his rights to clothes self-expression. For six months he wore his older sister's Barbie pyjama top to nursery every day, and would only wear pink knickers. I decided not to fight it, although dh worried that his son turning into Julian Clary.

The warm clothes aversion seems to be a boy thang. Don't know what it's about -- competitive machismo? When he cuts up rough I now suggest to him that he should go to school with no clothes on at all, which usually makes him laugh and defuses the situation.

The other thing that helped me was letting him dress himself, but first removing all totally unsuitable clothes from the cupboard (eg. shorts in Jan.). Also making requests look like 'choices' eg. do you want to eat your beans first, or your yoghurt?

Good luck!

thanks for the suggestions. makes it seem not so bad when I know other people have been through the same.

so desensitising at night to start & see how I go then if no luck I'll just lethim go out in his pants!!!

Lol @ the barbie pjs! apparently at playgroup he likes to dress up/ hold the satiny bridesmaid dress (much to dh's disgust!!) so maybe he does like certain textures.

will let you know how we go.

Bogwoppit (feeling calmer than b4 cos he is in bed asleep!!!)

I HATE high necks - can't bear them. Have immense sympathy for anyone who feels the same, I'm afraid. Also rough, uncomfy clothes. I tend to second the person who suggested limiting his wardrobe then letting him 'choose' - soft t-shirts, no high necks, no coat if he doesn't want it, pyjama trousers if he prefers them. I'm sure it is horribly frustrating though. I wouldn't push the coat thing at all.
Food: sandwiches, finger food or get two spoons for meals and pop the odd mouthful in. He's still quite a baby. I am sure you must be tired atm which can't help. Reduce the flashpoints, don't go out if it's too stressful. Get cbeebies.

Try giving him a drink and snack when he starts to become unreasonable - ds is an angel nearly all the time, but the minute he starts to whinge, he either needs a drink (So incredibly important for regulating his mood) food or a sleep. Is your ds still napping properly?

hi bogwopit, my ds1 was a nightmare wen he was goin thru terible 2s!!! i didn't want to go anywhere incase he embarassed me.
i too hate anything high in the neck!! and itchy clothes...infact I hav been known to rip out labels with no grace cos they iritate me, mybe as has been said ds is just very sensitive.

tantrums are very hard to handle esp. as u are p/g. if you can bare it leave him and say wen u finish u can come with mummy, if out of home just step away where u can see him but he cant see you... ignore passersbye who giv u looks and if they say anything ignore them too

please dont feel u hav to take violence from your kid...... any form is unaceptable, i dont know how you punish him and dont want to get into that debate but he must learn it is not aceptable,

please know that it may not seem like it now, but this phase will pass. ds1 is now 6 and is absoloutely unrecognisable (oooo get me!!)from the *brat he was.
a trip to any shop/park/playgroup will show you are not alone. tantrums aplenty.

My only advice is to talk through what ever you are going to do next

" and then we will put your coat on"

as you are doing the thing before - so he can get his head around it.

try and have a routine that you reiterate as mucha s poss.

at meal times read him a story or tell him funny stories about when you were little

I know how you are feeling Bogwoppit, I really could have done with this site when my ds was this age - when he was having 7-8 full blown tantrums a day!
He is 6 now and if he is not on his IQ tabs, the behaviour returns. He will not wear certain clothes (high necks/labels annoy) but WILL NOT have anything metal touch his skin. Jeans are a nightmare but we came up with a compromise: I stick Micropore tape over all the metal buttons and studs inside his jeans and trousers and he is happy.
I used to get half way down the first aisle in Tescos and couldn't take anymore of the screaming, shouting, biting, headbanging etc etc, and would abandon my trolley, stick him horizontally under my arm kicking and punching and walk out. I had to calm him down before I put him in the car or he would end up in the footwell, strap him in and take him to my parents house whilst I relocated my trolley and did a quick shop. This went on for some time - til he was about 4 when I began to involve him more with what I was doing: even now, he is the crane and takes the food when I point to it and lifts it into the trolley. That way he is being "really useful" like Thomas the Tank Engine. If he was well behaved we would make a detour back to the magazines and he could choose a comic.
Good luck, I am sure it is only a phase...!
Congrats on pregnancy. Hugs.