Anyone else worrying about visitors for new baby?

[minimoomoo]

Hi first time post so here goes. I am due to have my second baby by c-section next week. My hubby and I have decided that we would like a no visitor rule for the first couple of days we are home. Although we have said that parents can visit us at the hospital.
We have told everyone this and haven't offended anyone, except dh's parents. They don't live nearby and would like to come straight after baby is born and stay in nearby hotel for a few days.
When we explained that we would like this couple of days to settle at home with new baby my MIL freaked out. She has said we are pushing them out and that I am not making any effort for them!
To be honest when we had our first baby we were ill prepared for visitors and had no ground rules. I was very tired after a week in hospital and an emergency c section, but my in laws visited nearly every day for just over a week. We tried to curb it a bit and ask they come at certain times, but they pleased themselves the whole time. They were the only visitors that overstayed their welcome and were less than helpful. My FIL sat and watched World Cup while MIL just sat and hogged the baby.
I can understand that they are excited to see new baby but they are not happy to do it on our terms. I think my MIL suspects that my family will be visiting while they are not!
It is true that my own mum lives very close by and will ring to offer help in that first couple of days,but she wouldn't dream of just turning up and staying for hours at a time. Last time I think the longest she would ever visit was an hour and she was always busy in that time doing little jobs for us. Are we being selfish for wanting a couple of days to ourselves? Advice please !

No, you're not selfish at all, you're being very sensible and your MIL should wind her neck in and put you first. A few days on your own to chill out and settle the baby without having to tidy/make coffee/socialise when you're still knackered after the birth is a brilliant idea and is something most women need after the birth (even if they don't get it!).

Your MIL is being unreasonable - you're only asking for a couple of days, not a couple of weeks, your baby wont' change much in a few days, stand your ground and make sure your DH backs you up and speaks to his parents to explain it's what he wants as well.

Tell your MIL that she has to make an effort for you :-)

Just stick to your guns this is your baby not hers.
I tried to do the same but my mil completely ignored out wishes and engineered being here when I got home with the baby, it was uncomfortable and took dh several attempts before they left after a tantrum because they were hungry
It's taken me three years to properly forgive them.

Wise you having the conversation now, get it all dealt with before baby arrives. We also didn't prepare well first time around, caused so much stress at a time we didn't need it. Absolutely the right thing to do as a minimum - some would advocate not even putting a time limit on it but saying you'll let them know when you're ready.

Simply say 'I am sorry you are upset but that will not be happening.' Far better they are offended now than you snap at them when you are exhausted . You are not at all wrong.

how old is dc1? I liked having visitors with dc2 because it meant there was someone to play with my eldest who was often short of attention!

but fair enough that you make the rules anyway!

Is their a local pub you could met them at? I didn't want inlaws staying for ages so we met them at a local pub. It meant when I'd had enough I said to my partner I need to go and we just left.