3 yr old hates nursery - should I just pull her out?

[Berts]

My 3 yr old DD has been going to her current nursery for 8 months. Initially she liked it a lot better than the previous nursery (where they kept changing her key worker and she never really settled, tears and clinging every morning), but then she moved into the next room and she seemed to go backwards in terms of teary goodbyes.

She recently moved up to the pre-school room and I thought that might help, but she's still very timid and teary in the mornings. When I pick her up in the late afternoon, she seems subdued until she sees me, then it's all excitement (though she could be tired - it's a long day and she doesn't nap anymore).

She normally wakes up early, but on pre-school days, I can't get her out of bed (she only goes two days a week).

This morning was awful. She cried and cried, said she doesn't like pre-school. It wasn't tantrum tears, she seemed genuinely upset. It's hard getting her to articulate why she doesn't like it.

She's due to start the local primary school's 'nursery year' in September, so I was going to let her run at the current place until the end of term, then have the summer off with her before DC2 makes an appearance. I've been working from home up till now, but the company I'm working for is closing down, there's not so much to do and I'll be made redundant at the end of June, so it all tied in.

So I suppose my main question is, is this normal behaviour? Should she be this upset when she's been there a while? Should I just pull her out early and see if there's an alternative I can work out?

Bump - help!

Take her out. She doesn't have to be there and ore school is meant to be fun.

Something is obviously upsetting her

Pre school

With hindsight (which is a wonderful thing..) and reflecting on my own experience I would pull her out. She is too little to be this upset. It's the subdued at the end of the day that would worry me. Hope you find a solution...x
(PS. In a very similar situation I had to carry on with the nursery for another two months because I had no choice other than give up my job. dd2 still talks about the time she was unhappy in her old nursery... On her first day in her current nursery school she walked in smiling and came out beaming - making me feel even more guilty)

If you take her out I would try not to let her know you have done it because she doesn't like it

I know a mum who's dd didn't like her preschool so she took her out

The dd then went to school nursery and didn't like that either so they took her out

Now she is in reception and doesn't like that but can't understand why they still take her

Take her out. She is so small to be unhappy. Sometimes a few months at home makes all the difference.

Seeing as it's not really that long I'd pull her out until September. But... Before you do that, I'd ask for a meeting with her key worker and just get a feel for what's going on. Is she genuinely not liking it the whole time, or does she perk up 5 minutes after you leave? It may be that she does cheer up and have real fun, and if that's the case then it'd be a shame to leave. I remember being a real mummy's girl when I was wee- and I'd say I hated preschool (and infants!) but actually it was because I wanted to stay with my mum! When I was at school though I'd truly have a blast!

Hmm, I have talked to her keyworker and she (and all the ladies there) say she's quiet for about an hour after I leave, then she warms up and enjoys herself. She just seems so upset this past couple of times, I don't know if I believe them or if this is something they say to all the mums!

Also, she's taken a dislike to her key worker. From what my DD herself has told me, it's because the Key Worker told her off and had her sit on the naughty step, when she went on the trampoline after being told not to and refusing to help with tidy up time.

This seemed fair enough, and it's not as if she's never told off at home, but she seems to be telling me that this key worker is 'always shouting'. With a 3 year old it's hard to tell if this is the case, or if she's just a bit stricter than the other ladies.

What do the preschool say about it? Does she seem fine once she's been dropped, playing with others? If they say she's fine I'd ask to do a drop in check (just go at an unexpected time to check on her). I know my nursery would welcome this.

Unless there's some miraculous change as soon as you leave, I'd take her out. But be aware that she may very well know there's a sibling on the way and it's you leaving that's the problem more than the preschool itself.

DS went went through a spate of being upset on drop off while I was pg with dd (he was 2.5) and I had utter confidence in the nursery. It got lots better. When we moved him to preschool, dd was 5m and he got quite grumpy afterwards (tired) and a bit shy on drop off. But he chats constantly about how much he loves it, who he's played with, what he had for lunch... (He's 3.10 now).

So, preschool should be happy and fun, but best talk to them first as it may be more about the new sibling than the nursery. How you want to handle that is another question. If you take her out it does leave you with no rest though and that can be v hard when you're pg speaks from bitter spd experience

She doesn't know yet about the pregnancy - only 10 weeks so far, so I didn't want to tell her until we're fairly sure everything's okay.

I like the idea of unexpected drop in - I could take some work to a nearby cafe and call back mid-morning when she won't be tired.

I had similar with DD1 she moved up to pre school and hated it. Sobbing at drop off, anxiety days before. She'd been going to the nursery since 11months and been OK. I tried going in with her and staying etc but nothing improved.

The staff told me she was fine when I left and that all children went through this stage. I believed them and kept thinking it'd get better. It didn't.

What made my mind up was talking to a colleague who said she remembered really clearly crying and being unhappy at nursery. She was told as an adult she had been take. out after a few months and went to a child minder. She was happy there and remembers little of it.

I didn't want DD to have sad memories so found a new place within 2 weeks. Like the poster above she skips in there laughing and loves it SO much.

Go with your gut and take her out.

Sorry I know this is an old post but just wanted to add my two cents for what it's worth!
I have worked in both nurseries and schools (I'm a teacher) and have experienced the odd few parents concerned that their child isn't enjoying nursery, they find it impossible to get them out of bed in the morning and are thinking they should leave! I can always totally see where the parent is coming from, as they are the ones seeing their children upset and so are going to assume the worst.

HOWEVER, in my entire experience, I have never known a single one of these children not be any less than absolutely fine once their parents have left. For a couple of parents I have even videod their children on the nursery iPads so I could show the parents how happy they were at various points in the day! Maybe you cd get the key worker to take some photos to show u at end of day? I would be reluctant to take a child out of nursery, unless it had a bad reputation, or if when you went to look around, it looked dull with limited activities or was unclean. If other children appear happy there, I would be more inclined to think your daughters behaviour was a result of her wanting to stay and be with you, as opposed to hating the nursery, which at 3 years old, is understandable. It doesn't mean though, that nursery is not where she should be in order to be happy :)