2 kids in 1 year.

[WanderingTrolley1]

I have a 15 month old and a 10 week old and struggling a bit.

10 week old is pretty demanding/clingy and I hardly get any quality time with toddler as I constantly seem to be comforting baby. I feel so guilty about this.

I try to take them both out in the buggy to the park a few times a week, but visits are usually drawn to an end once baby pipes up!

I feel toddler should be at play groups, which we used to do, but it's so difficult with baby (took them both to one once and don't wish to do it again until baby's more settled).

If you have little ones close in age, how do you split yourself, and, is the guilt complex normal??

TIA.

Sling? My 2nd born lived in a wrap fpr most of his first 6 months, which allowed me to focus mainly on his toddler sister. He was very chilled in there, not so in a buggy. May not work for everyone but worth a try. You can BF in them too if you get the hang of it, meaning no need to sit for hours every time.

Good luck!

Only have a second but didn't want to read and run: I've got 2 who are 12 months and 2 weeks apart, youngest is now 9 months.

It is really hard at first - I realise now that my first daughter was a near textbook baby whilst the second has had silent reflux and is generally a little more 'challenging' which has made it even harder. I promise though that you will find your own balance, particularly when the youngest is in their own routine, whatever that is. It's unlikely they will both end up sleeping at exactly the same time (but thank god if they do!) so you will have time alone with both of them over the course of a day.

Mine are starting to properly interact and engage with one another now and it's wonderful - I think small age gaps can be fantastic in the end, just the first few months are bl**dy hard!

Try and get some help - if only a teenager to play with the older one for a bit. Or maybe someone studying child-care; phone a local college.

I used slings a lot with DS arrived (there's 17 months gap between him and DD). I also made an effort to use his nap times to do something special with DD (painting, coking, playing in garden together).

12months 10days between my DS1 and 2 - I feel/felt your pain (they are now 11 and 10 and much more manageable).

Sling, sling and sling again - I would not have managed without one. As your baby is a bit older I'd go straight for a soft structured carrier like an Ergo. They are usually readily available on Ebay and you can carry the baby front or back.

Help - accept any and all help you can get. My life saver was a lovely neighbour who came once a week and took DS1 away for an hour or two. It was at times the only time my hair got washed in a week…

Don't look too far ahead - I really had to follow what I know recognise as the principles of Mindfulness: doing one thing at a time, not fretting about the night ahead, but just dealing with whatever was right in front of me.

Have a double buggy you really like and go out every day - absolutely necessary.

Toddler groups - pfffft! Much overrated IMO, go if it's fun, but children don't need them (mums of course do: for company and a moan and a coffee)

It does get better and easier and my two are very close (they love each other and beat each other up, but at least they are evenly matched ).

I had a bigger 19 month age gap. What worked for me was popping dd2 in a sling and getting on with dd1's activities. I also found cbeebies an absolute lifesaver when I was bfing.

What went wrong with the toddler group? I found toddler groups an absolute godsend, dd1 would run about while I drank coffee, talked to actual adults and had a cuddle with dd2. I did go to some quite supportive groups, so the other parents would happily help out with dd1 while I was feeding dd2, or have a hold of dd2 if I was playing with dd1. If yours wasn't like this then maybe try a different group?

It is hard. Mine are 12 months, 3 weeks apart and I barely remember DS2's first year.

It gets easier. If you can find a nice, informal toddler group, they are wonderful. I did have difficulties with a lot of set activities because they don't cater to this age gap - DS1 was too big and mobile to take to the baby activities and DS2 was too little to go to the toddler activities. So my friends were off to the Sure Start centres and raving about how brilliant they were and all I could do was look at the activities and think there was no way they would work for us.

Parks, especially with friends with small children, are probably your best way forward over the summer. By the time summer ends, DC2 will start to be able to do more toddler-type groups and you can try more set activities.

And it is wonderful when they start to play together. Mine are 3.5/2.5 now and great friends.

If you happen to be in East London, I can recommend a brilliant group. It was my lifesaver!

Thank you all for your replies.

I'm going to look into putting toddler in day care for 2/3 days a week. I think it'll be good for him to have a change of scenery and get used to other children.

I do look forward to being able to take them both to groups, but it's too difficult at the moment.

Thanks again.

We did that. DS1 enjoyed getting out, DS2 enjoyed one-on-one time, and I enjoyed napping when DS2 did!

Get out as and when you can and don't feel bad when you can't!

Yes, I used some child care too, just to get some time with the new baby and to catch my breath.

Do what you have to do to get through this mentally and physically intact

I kept DC1 in part time childcare so that was one less change to his lifestyle. Gave me time with DC2 to bond, rest etc. I walked everywhere. double buggy was the best spent money. when I was having a bad morning or they were off we went. I lost lots of weight too, bonus! I made a plan to get out most days, even if was only to buy bread and.milk. they're too small to actually do much themselves so that's entertainment for them too. I tried to feed both at same time, lunch for eldest while feeding youngest. They got into a routine that way. Try have them nap together as they get older. this usually meant a little trip in the car but buys you some sanity. We're 2 years in now, looking back it was doing whatever we could to get through some days but once they start interacting it gets easier. Oh take whatever help you might be offered. I most definitely took help when DC2 arrived.

Yy to a sling, and I went to lots of groups to keep me sane. Had some very supportive friends, I had a 19 month gap, but then followed it by a 20 and 22 months gap, so 4 dcs in 5 yrs and 2 months.