'The Second Child'

[Boomerwang]

I know, this thread must have come up many times. My daughter is two years old, I'm 35 years old this year and I'm feeling time running out if I were to have another child. My partner and I have discussed having a second child and he is happy to go ahead with it. I would like honest responses from those who have bitten the bullet and had a second child whilst their first was still potty training. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision, or making it too early. I don't want my kids to be really far apart in age, but I'm worried there are things I haven't considered yet. How did you cope with night feeds and nap times when you had a toddler to care for at the same time?

It's difficult at first but that first stage doesn't last very long. After that, you get to watch their bond develop and become friends and playmates and it's lovely.
If your toddler is happy to read, play or each TV without much intervention it makes it easier to deal with the baby, the housework or just rest a short while if you're knackered.
If your toddler can feed independently then meal times are easier as you can feed the baby at the same time (although I found it easier to time ds' meals before/after a feed).
If you have a routine in place for the toddler then the baby just sort of slots into it. If you get one child ready for bed and your dh does the other, bath time and bedtime is easy.
If your toddler still naps then it's possible to time it so they have joint nap time - this is bliss! You get an hour or so to nap, catch up on housework, grab your lunch or just sit and chill out for a while.
If your toddler attends nursery or preschool, don't feel guilty for keeping her there for a day or two or three a week: this gives you time to rest, bond with the baby and catch up with any household jobs that need doing.
It depends on your toddler and how much they're affected by the new baby as to whether you start or continue potty training. My ds was only 17 months when dd arrived so nowhere near ready for potty training. Having two in nappies was a pain (there were days when it felt as though all I did was clear up poo, especially when they had the trots at the same time) but not difficult. Mine tend to poo in tandem so I'd just change one and then the other. Personally I wouldn't start potty training at the same time as new baby's birth, if possible, just because you'd be all over the place with the baby and not able to give as much attention to the toddler's potty needs and you might end up with loads of mess and stress; but if it's already underway then continue but be prepared for a possible short term regression.
I think it's easy to overthink the potential problems and difficulties of having two small children close in age. When I was pregnant with dd I was dreading having 2 under 2 but, despite the depression, it wasn't that bad once I found my feet and dd starting progressing and hitting her milestones.

I have a 2 1/2 year old DD and 8 week old baby.

DD was still in nappies when baby arrived which was a bit of a faff, in last few weeks she's been potty training and perhaps as she's a bit older she's just got on with it with minimal fuss so it's been absolutely fine (involves a bit more planning and prep to go out)

She's always had a long nap but sadly I fear this is coming to an end, she's started having a meltdown at prospect of nap time and won't sleep in buggy or car and bed time was getting too late....but as I'm up with baby anyway I don't mind losing the nap as it means a very early bed time (so I can have a bit of an evening to myself!)

And the night feeds and disrupted sleep is hideous! But it's not such a shock to the system second time round, with another LO to look after you just have to get on with it/drink lots of coffee and know that it does pass.

I've certainly found second baby so much easier and less stressful, im less anxious and even the birth and recovery was better....and baby snuggles/first smiles are the best!!

Thank you for your responses.

Should your finances come into the choice of whether or not to have another child? I ask because we're pretty broke, and are likely to be this way for quite some time. We currently get by with a little help from both sets of our parents (a fiver here, twenty there... adds up to about £50 a month) so you could say that our families are bringing up our child, not us. I've discussed having a second child with both of our parents, and both of them went a bit tight lipped about it, so I know they're wondering how we'll manage with two if we can't manage with one.

This sounds as though it should be quite obvious that I can't go ahead and have another child. Should I really give up the desire to have another baby, possibly forever, because money is tight? I must say we are budgeted down to the ground, we're not throwing money away on rubbish or anything... it's just expensive to live in Sweden.

I just think there must be hundreds of thousands out there who are stone broke yet don't allow it to stop them having a second child, but do they live in misery because of it? Does it magically have a way of working itself out?

We're stoney broke - not as much as we were last summer/autumn due to my work picking up - but get by with both our wages (together adds up to around £27K - we live in Yorkshire where it's relatively cheap), child benefit and tax credits.
Some people might disagree with us having had a 2nd child when we can't afford to fully support our family without state help but I think we'll repay society later on when our children grow up to be tax-paying, hard-working members of said society.

And, in my experience, a 2nd child hasn't worked out much more expensive than having stopped at one. Nursery fees and nappies/milk have been the biggest outgoings but otherwise things haven't changed that much.

I got pregnant with my second child was not yet one. I wanted a second, didn't feel exactly ready..but thought there would always be an excuse to wait longer (until first is potty trained, starts school etc.) I got pregnant first try and they are 20 months apart and both in diapers. Is not too bad changing their diapers. I'm lucky to be able to afford my older one to go to nursery. So that helps. She loves going and playing with her friends, plus it gives alone time w baby. On weekends it is tough when they are both home...but as baby gets older it is getting easier. Sometimes I am lucky and can get them both to nap at same time (only one of the naps since toddler only naps once a day). I think better to have them close together. My second born is now 6 months and Im already thinking of when to have the third!