When did it start getting easier with 2 children?

[WillSingForCake]

I have DD 2.7 and a new DS aged 3 weeks. I appreciate it's early days, but am finding having 2 children so overwhelming, and am feeling very tearful and anxious. DS is waking for feeds every couple of hours at night so I'm pretty exhausted, am hoping things will seem brighter once I'm better rested, but at the moment I'm panicking at my inability to cope. DH is great, but is now back at work, and I don't have family nearby. DD goes to nursery 2 mornings a week, and we can't really afford to increase this (free hours won't start til Jan).

Just wondered if others felt this way at first too, and if so when things started improving?

It gets better surprisingly soon. Once the younger one starts taking an interest in things around him, he becomes more interesting to the older one, and the older one becomes a useful source of entertainment for the youngest. The hardest bit is getting that initial routine in place and figuring out how on earth you juggle them, but after a few more weeks you'll have it taped.

Don't panic! It is hard work but will settle down before you know it x

Yes it helps when the baby smiles, grabs fungi red and starts being cute.

Main thing that helped here was my blotter DD2 realising that a wrist strap was way more annoying than reins (which were impossible with the buggy) and at about 3.5 deciding not to run off quite as efficiently.

Fingers, why oh why does auto correct split words so easily??

with both mine I felt instantly better around the 12 week mark
before that I hated it, the constant feeding, the permanent zombie feeling

with 2 it gets easier when the oldest goes into preschool for the 15 hours free childcare

I adopted motherinferiors phrase, life was like swimming through custard for 3 months

I also found it a real shock to the system at first.

It gets progressively easier in stages -the first being when you no longer have to do night feeds.

Congratulations btw!

Thanks to you all for being so reassuring! Have now parked the toddler in front of the TV and am desperately jigging a sleep-resisting newborn.

'Things will get better' is now my mantra!

They really really will get easier.

And all of a sudden you find yourself looking back wistfully remembering those early days.

Trust it will get easier, and knowing that, try to enjoy where you are right now.

Try to enjoy where you are right now

This is definitely something I need to work on. I'm already thinking things like 'I can't wait til DS sleeps better' and 'it will be great in Jan when the free nursery hours start for DD' and before I know it I'll have wished their childhoods away. I think I just need to relax a bit!

No words of wisdom as in exactly the same place! Ds is 2.7 and dd is 10 days. We also have nursery two mornings and week and don't get free hours until Jan. I'm feeling a little zombie like and ds is struggling. It's doable while dh is still off but I'm slightly dreading going solo! Luckily dh works for himself and will probably take another 2 weeks, although part of me wonders if I should just bite the bullet and do it.

Does your toddler have much of a routine? Apart from nursery and playgroup mine doesn't and I'm wondering whether that would help. The hardest thing for me is that I'm enjoying my newborn much more than I did ds at this age (nightmare feeding issues with him) But I need to put her down and give him attention.

It's still early days for both of us and I've been reassured it does get easier as everyone adjusts. I'm trying to enjoy the present as much as possible - because I certainly do not intend to ever be pregnant again!

Congratulations :)

I found that it started getting less fraught and more enjoyable with every milestone my youngest hit: every inch towards greater independence was a blessing - but she was quite a clingy baby and got very frustrated when I had to leave her (to cook or wash up or see to ds or whatever).
I also started enjoying it more when I went back to work as I felt I got more of myself back.

Hi Misty, congratulations to you too! It's good to know there's someone else out there going through the same thing! Yes, my toddler has quite a strict routine which I've found has helped. She naps between 1.30-3.30pm which is a lifesaver, and is also in bed by 7pm. She's a wonderful sleeper - I haven't had to get up to her in the night since she was around 6 months old, so am keeping everything crossed that DS will turn out the same!

I know what you mean about enjoying your newborn more this time, and struggling with the fact you can't spend as much time attending to them as you'd like. When I was pregnant I was worried I'd resent the baby for getting in the way if me spending time with my toddler, but if anything it's actually the other way round.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words - I'm ending the day feeling brighter than I did this morning.

I have twins. They are 6 now but I remember the hard times. Have you thought about ringing a local college? Their trainee nursery nurses need placements with nice families with small children. Go to lots of things outside the home, I went to a sure start centre and met up with friends for a brew. It's a very short time but it does feel hard xx

Congrats! DS1 was 2.6 when DS2 arrived, a good friend with experience said first 6 weeks - write off accept it all and struggle on. 6 weeks gets a bit better 12 weeks amazing difference and before I knew it baby is 3 (last week) and I'm sad and shocked where it all went!!

I have a 3yo dd and a 4mo ds and on the whole I'm quite enjoying it now. It helps that ds is the most smiley, cute, easygoing little thing. Sleep is still rubbish but I've kind of adjusted now...
The best thing for me is to get out of the house for a good portion of the day - eg a toddler group or friend's house for a morning /afternoon at least, and a walk to the park too quite often. Hard dragging yourself out when knackered but time goes so much faster with company, the baby will sleep or enjoy the change of scene, and the older one will enjoy getting out and seeing people too. When we stay at home too long the baby refuses to sleep, the 3yo demands constant attention, everyone ends up crying, the house gets in a bigger and bigger mess...!
I love it when dd cuddles and kisses ds and he gives her a big smile and chuckle. He has a real little personality now and life feels richer and more joyful than ever with two children -far outweighs the occasional nightmare day. Hang in there.

I'm in a similar situation...ds is 2.6 and ds2 is 5 weeks. Still in childcare 2 days a week which helps, but it's so hard on the days my DH has to go out early or isn't home in time for toddler's bedtime as that coincides with the start of baby's fussy few hours! DH also has to work away a few nights every few weeks. I wish my 2 year old was a good sleeper but he is up anything from 2-5 times a night, so with that and night feeds there isn't much sleeping! DH is in the spare room with the monitor for ds1 and I have the baby in our room. My advice is don't be ashamed to ask for help if you have anyone that can. I do feel that I should be supermum and cope on my own, but I had to back down and ask my dad. He has stayed over on the nights that my DH has worked away to deal with ds1 wake ups and be an extra pair of hands in the morning. I've also given in and bought a dummy for EBF ds2, or else he would be attached to me permanently, he's a big comfort sucker!! Good luck!

What rideyourbike said! I have a 2.5 yo DS, and a lovely 5mo dd. Mornings we go to the children's centre, or a playgroup or anything else going. We did this from day one, ds plays merrily with chums and I got to feed in peace.

Lunch, nap, play with cousins, tea and bed. Two nights a week the toddler stays overnight at his dad's which is a massive help.

5 months on the baby just wants to watch the toddler, if one of us is in view she is entertained and he loves to play with her. It gets easier a lot quicker than you expect. Also I am in favour of child labour so make the toddler do any fetching of nappies and such. Deeply satisfying for both of you.

This thread is making me want a second DC...

Ooh napping toddler willsing I'm jealous :) ds is in the process of dropping his so gets very tired without it, but is nightmare to put to bed with it! Luckily dh does bedtimes. He does at least sleep through generally...For now.

Currently in the middle of Mega cluster feed which is new to me as ds never did this!

Mine are 3yrs and 1yr - I can see it getting easier. I'd say it started to turn around when our youngest became mobile and could putter around with the toys.

I felt bad for my 3year old for the past year as he is at an energetic age where he wants to go, go, go!....but a baby is demanding on time, sensitive to weather, has so many naps and all that. Now that my baby is toddling around the boys entertain each other quite a bit and its exciting to think about all the fun things we can really get into soon.

It hard work but I think the rewards are so great to having the kids close in age. Hopefully the arguing will be kept to a minimum (delusional emoticon).

DD1 is 2.7 as well and DD2 is 10 weeks so we are in a similar position if a bit further along. I already think it's gotten easier as DD1's behaviour has improved and DD2 sleeps a bit better. Still no sign of any routine and bedtime is still horrendous.
I think also what has helped a lot is just my attitude towards the whole thing and accepting that DD2 will cry sometimes when I have to help DD1 and I can't expect DD1 to sense my urgency in such events.
We never got a double buggy so I also have to plan for double the walk time to get anywhere and this helps me feel less stressed when DD1 Doddles/takes forever.
Reading these posts maybe we are in for a qualitative shift in a couple of weeks...

Congratulations - this is us too! DD is 2.1 and DS is 12 days old. I'm currently delaying the onset of reality as the grannies are here for a week each, but they both live hundreds of miles away so once they're gone that's it and I've no idea how it's going to work! Even with MiL here I didn't manage to have breakfast or a shower until I'd been up for five hours this morning as DS wouldn't stop feeding for 30 seconds... DD dropped her nap a couple of months ago and doesn't go to nursery so she's non-stop and more exhausted and demanding as the day goes on - not to mention awake about half an hour after DS
goes back down from the last night feed!

Having said all that I'm determined to enjoy this stage. I feel unbelievably lucky to have two healthy, not to mention impossibly cute children and I don't want to wish away either the newborn snuggles or DD's toddler fabulousness. But an increase on two lots of two hours sleep a night would be nice... Good luck all!

Congrats!

I hear you :) Dd1 is about to turn 2 and DD2 is 7 mos and feeding at 4am, DD1 having slept through at 13 weeks.

I spent the first few weeks feeling guilty that I wasn't giving either of them the time they deserved. It does get easier once you can leave the second one for two seconds happily and also once they are taking notice of the world around them. Dd2 thinks DD1 is hilarious which also helps!

You're also probably still a mass of raging hormones - be kind to yourself ;)

I have a similar age gap and it got easier fairly early on, probably when I started getting more sleep (around 10 weeks) and also when the baby was more interactive. Then my DD (eldest) was brilliant at entertaining DS, and still is. They are now 7 and 4 and totally adore one another, play together really well and DS misses her when she's at school. In fact, I can hear them right now - they're both awake and are playing in DD's room while I'm still in bed!

I coped by keeping DD1 in nursery - but that was because I knew I would be going back to work f/t when DD2 was 6 months (this was before the really long mat leave you get these days). I remember weekends being tough though, and I wouldn't describe things as being 'easy' until DD2 became fully verbal at 19 months. Once she could talk, that was it and they could really play together.