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Original poster

Is DP too protective of DD?

15 replies

AngryAndLost · 28/04/2014 10:46

My mum took my nearly 4-year old DD on holiday (Butlins!!) for 4days today. They are going with mum's friend and her granddaughter of the same age. My DD has v good relationship with her grandma, they see each other every week. The problem is my DP. He did not want to let DD go as 'It feels like you are abandoning her' , 'DCs only go on holiday with mummy and daddy' , 'Grandma will not look after her as we would', etc. And he likes my mum! DD went away anyway, but I am not sure DP and me will be on speaking terms when he comes from work tonight. He only started ranting last night and this morning! And thought that DD will stay at home, but she was looking forward to all the fun and went happy.
I don't think I am abandoning her or am a bad mother.

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 28/04/2014 10:55

I dont think you are abandoning her or that you are a bad mother, however, one of her parents doesnt want their child to go away without the parents, and I wonder how you have been able to over-ride your OH?

If a man were on here saying he wanted his dd to go away at nearly four with a grandparent, and the childs mum wasnt happy, he would be told he IBU.

So, whilst I think it is totally fine for a small child to go away for a few days with a loving grandparent (and no doubt she will have an absoloute ball!), I think you were incredibly unreasonable to go against the other parents wishes so much.

weatherall · 28/04/2014 11:19

Why is he like that?

Isn't he glad of some couple time?

It is strange.

Original poster

AngryAndLost · 28/04/2014 11:27

ThinkIve, my DP started ranting ONLY yesterday! DD was all ready to go on holiday. What I was supposed to to?

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Littleturkish · 28/04/2014 11:28

So what did he say when it was first suggested?

Original poster

AngryAndLost · 28/04/2014 11:30

Weatherall, no chance of a 'couple time'- we have 11-months-old DS also. And the only babysitter went on holiday with my DD :)

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wannaBe · 28/04/2014 11:36

I wouldn't have wanted my ds to go away on holiday without me at that age, and if now xh had sent him anyway I would have been fuming.

I'm guessing that this is the first time your dd has been on holiday without you? and as such your dp has had a wabble about his little girl going off on holiday without mummy and daddy, hence why he only brought it up yesterday. His reaction is not unreasonable. But you are u to have not taken his feelings into consideration and just sent her knowing that he will be upset. If it was the other way around there would have been no sympathy for the dad sending his child off with ILs against their mummy's wishes, and the mum would have been told "your child, you know best, oh and ltb."

pilates · 28/04/2014 11:38

Does seem a little strange. I think it's wonderful your mum wants to do it tbh. She is creating wonderful memories. The relationship with grandparents is totally different to parents. I'm sure she will have a lovely time.

Original poster

AngryAndLost · 28/04/2014 11:40

Little, he was ok with it. He just said she will not go when the time comes, as she will realise she will miss her brother.

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Littleturkish · 28/04/2014 11:45

He's just got jitters. I'm sure he'll be fine later.

AnyFucker · 28/04/2014 11:47

Some of my dc's best childhood memories are the little holidays their gp's took them on

He is BVU

tumbletumble · 28/04/2014 11:51

I don't think he is being over protective - I would not have wanted DS1 to go on holiday with my PILs at that age.

But it's a shame you didn't discuss it together properly when the idea was first suggested. I can see that he's put you in a difficult position by leaving it till this late stage to object.

lola88 · 28/04/2014 13:06

I think it would have been mean to stop her going if she's been told she is going and looking forward to it, he should never had agreed in the first place if he didn't want her going.

pilates · 28/04/2014 16:06

Angryandlost - do you think he would feel the same if it was his mother taking your DD away for a few days?

BarbarianMum · 28/04/2014 21:47

I think its a lovely thing for a grandmother to do but personally I would hate it. You are not a bad mum but it does sound like your dh has the jitters. If he's anything like me he'll find the reality easier than the anticipation though.

alita7 · 28/04/2014 21:58

I see why he is worried, but then he should have said so when it first came up, presumably weeks ago, as im sure she'd have asked you before booking to go away with your child :p instead of leaving it until the last minute when dd was already excited.
She is with someone you trust and actually although I doubt I could do it, I think it's healthy for her to have such a good relationship with someone else and to be able to feel safe and happy for several nights in a row with another trusted adult.

I can see why parents wouldn't do it for themselves but if a child wanted to do it, they had a good relationship with the granny, the granny was still capable of looking after them properly and they weren't going too far away incase there was a problem then I think not letting them go is for the parents benefit not the child's.

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