New Mums: How do you fill your time/give yourself purpose?

[Snozwanger]

I'm a new mum currently struggling with anxiety and have just started taking antidepressants. I'm finding the change from being a busy full time worker to mum at home very difficult. Each day in my office job was planned out to the last minute and I felt I had purpose. Now I have none and feel like I don't exist almost.

How do you fill your time and make yourself face the week on a Monday? I am making myself week planners and trying to make myself do things...more baby groups, housework tasks, baking, but it all seems pointless like I'm just filling up the time.

How can I make myself feel worthwhile again?

Voluntary work with the NCT?

Breastfeeding peer support course / work?

I did both whilst on mat leave and have continued voluntary stuff when I've gone back to work.

I would also consider just relaxing and enjoying it. People said it to me a lot, that my maternity leave would fly by and to enjoy it. I did enjoy it, made some fantastic friends and made some lovely memories with dd and my new friends.

Are you getting a bit of "you" time? A walk or jog, or a swim, something for you to look forward to each week to take your "mum" hat off. I joined a sport team; it was only 90 min a week, but it got me out, mixing with others and also a good thing for DP to have dd and to deal with what I was dealing with.

I encourage you to look at it from a much more positive angle and see this as the most important ob you will ever do and that your purpose is to enjoy every minute with your child because as soon as you go back to work you will wish every day you could do just that. It may not be very structured or go exactly to plan every day but taking some time to just relax and be with your baby is quality time you will never get back.

There must be more to you, as a person, than just what you do for a job? What interests do you have? Anywhere you'd like to visit? Books you would like to read and so on. You could go to museums, art galleries or similar, especially if your baby is still quite little.

It can also be useful to view looking after your baby as a role that is important - after all you are responsible for their whole development. That's a good purpose, if you need one!

Chilling with your baby is a very purposeful use of your time. I say this as someone who once worked at a fairly high level full time, took a year ml twice and now rifles a grade lower and pt in order to be with my dc while they are still little. Don't be too busy to fill your time, it really goes go so fast.

When DD was little, some days all I did was keep her alive and clean. I tried to do one thing each day - put washing away, go to the post office etc. Once a week I'd do a big thing like go into town to buy more breastfeeding clothes. I met other mums (my NCT group) once a week.

Babies steal time. I can't do jobs that require finishing within a set time period. DD is 6 months now and I still have days where I achieve little.

I know the change is huge, but try to relax and enjoy it. You will not look back in 10 years and be pleased at how clean your skirting boards were when you were on maternity leave.

Thanks for your advice everyone. My little one is just over four months. I was managing to do my hobbies like baking and crafting but just lost the energy to want to do anything. I am trying to savour my moments with him as I know the time will go fast.

I'm not planning to go back to my old job which I was very unhappy at and don't know what sort of job I will go back to. At the moment I need to totally replan my future job/career which is quite daunting and hence why I kind of feel without purpose as I can't quite visualise my future.

I'm in a similar position actually OP - I'm due back to work in a few months when my job won't really exist, and there's a good chance I'll be made redundant but not until later next year. Very odd position to be in.

Any time when you feel you don't have control is very stressful I think. I deal with it accepting that "work" and "career" is a worry for another day. Can you do something about it now? Could you actively research/retrain/volunteer in a way which would help a career change? If not right now, try put all the worry to one side until a point where you can do something about it.

DDbis 6 months so I imagine your baby is about to go through some really exciting developmental leaps and probably become quite a bit more demanding. Allow yourself to enjoy this time.