Sibling Rivalry between children

[EmmaG1986]

Hi, I'm hoping someone might be able to offer a bit of advice from experience. I have two sons aged 7 and 3, I'm having a tough time at the moment with regards to them constantly fighting and agitating each other. The majority of the time, their arguments get physical, I have to stand between them to stop them hurting each other. The main trigger is my oldest son, he will do things such as spoil my youngest sons play time by interfering, or putting his toys guns in his face, when my youngest son tells him to stop he doesn't, so my youngest will hit out, then my oldest son will hit back. I have read online to ignore sibling squabbles, unless they turn physical which I try and do, but there are times I feel that my oldest is bullying my youngest, which is not acceptable, I don't feel comfortable ignoring certain behaviour from my oldest son. In all honesty i think my oldest son should know better, although he does have a communication problem that I think he needs help with, which is related to his delay of speech when he was younger. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel at my wits end and that I'm constantly refereeing , I also can't leave them together which I should be able to do. Thanks in advance!

Sorry for lack of paragraphs, I'm posting this on my phone.

4 years is a very tough age gap, it's very easy to have expectations of the eldest that are too high.

How do you deal with the 3yo when he hits?

Does your eldest have somewhere to play where his sibling isn't around?

Calm reinforcement of expectation to the 7yo - making sure he understands - with sanctions for inappropriate behaviours (he shouldn't hit back, he should walk away).

Fair justice seen to be done, make sure your 7yo see's you dealing with the 3yo when he hits (with a calm discussion about why he hit, make sure you 7yo knows that the hitting isn't excusable but be clear about how he can avoid triggering it).

With communication problems, it may take longer for him to process what you expect and how he can meet those expectations. One other thing, 7 is a lousy age for impulse control (I had a tough time managing my DS's behaviours at that age and he doesn't have any communication problems) - they do generally settle down.