Can I have some tips to help me with my temper please?

[Icouldstillbejoseph]

I have 2 DC, DD is 15mo and DS is 3.5.

DS is trying my patience so much I don't know what to do.

I get enough sleep (finally). I am not depressed (I've had PND after DS, was treated, all fine since), but he makes me feel completely irrational.

This morning, for example, I was brushing his teeth. He wasn't concentrating at all and kept messing about turning the taps on, fingers down plug hole etc. which I can tolerate if he keeps his mouth open, so I can brush...But he didn't, so I ask once, twice, three times .. Very calm and polite. No response from him at all. And then, without warning, I just shouted at him really loudly to open his mouth and stop messing about.
This is a small example but I feel like I'm getting no warning - I'm just losing my rag.

The rational part of me is saying I should appreciate he is only 3. I am an adult. I am not setting a good example etc etc. I feel like shit about it. I have tried counting to 10, it doesn't work for me.

I am never going to hit him (just to clarify) .... I just can't stop being shouty. And, in contrast, I have endless patience with DD.....

Anyone help?

I get like this with my 3.2 Year old DS. I have put it down to sometimes feeling as a parent as if I'm a child again..and my childhood was pretty dire. (I often think having a son is sonetimes like having an annoying little brother with nobody to tell tales to) for me it comes down to feeling ignored, I'm the same I'll ask him to do something or stop doing something a few times, then something snaps and I shout. in theory my solution is never to ask more than 3 times. my system is to 1) ask once
2) ask again saying "this is your warning, if you don't...x then y will happen" - usually this is removal of object/removal of DS from situation or with teeth cleaning he knows he only gets to 'finish off' himself if he co-operates in an adult starting
3) follow through.
this way he knows I mean business and I know I'm not going to lose it on the 4th or 5th request because there isn't one. in practice I sometimes forget and often DS doesn't care one way or another but I feel better for having a system

lots of people on here recommend 1,2,3 magic for this kind of issue, I've not read it myself.

you probably won't always have endless patience with your DD, mine is 18 months now and I'm just starting to find her a bit wilful, which is great as it means they have their own minds but it does mean a different kind of parenting I find

best of luck, you're only human!

just reading your OP again - I'm wondering if he'd benefit from a fidget toy whilst you're cleaning his teeth? I'm considering it for DS too as he does all the things you mention, drives me mad but I'm pretty sure he can't help it

I can get like this too OP. I have a 4.2 yr old and a 16 month old.

I was probably at my worst when DS1 was 3 and I was pregnant and stressed about the massive change that was coming. I made myself a star chart () - I made one for DS too.

He got a star if he listened and did what he was asked without a fuss. I got a star if I got through the day without losing my temper. When my star chart was full, I got to book a nice haircut (money is tight, so this was a treat for me)

It sounds naff, but it worked really well for both of us - we spurred each other on!

A year on I am much less shouty, but do still have my moments.

Following with interest. Mine are 4.2 and 17 months. I am very shouty and feeling pretty shitty at the moment. Shitty about this and other stuff. I do wonder if the other stuff was sorted if I'd then have more patience. Dunno.