Do you ever feel like your identity doesn't go with your children's gender?

[susannahmoodie]

Obv this only really applies if you only have dcs of the same gender...but would welcome any thoughts.

I Have 2 boys, aged 3 and 7mo. They are awesome and I adore them. The baby is smiley and adorable and his big brother is cheeky and hilarious and wise. I love them both with every fibre if my being. I am so lucky to have them and I know that they are individuals and their gender should be irrelevant. I know gender is socially constructed blah blah. But sometimes I just feel a bit because I never saw myself as a 'mum of boys'.

I was never a girly girl, I hated dolls and princess stuff but I was a typical geeky kid who loved to read/draw/write. I don't subscribe to 'boys are like dogs' or 'boys will be boys'. I'm not relishing the prospect of cheering them on from the touch line of football/rugby pitches for years to come as I'm not sporty myself. I'm an introvert, I still like to read and write and study, and go on walks and this doesn't seem to correlate with the 'soccer mom' stereotype I see around me.

I know life will be busy and boisterous with young children regardless of their gender, but I'm just a bit disappointed that gender stereotypes are getting to me even though I thought I could see through them. Not sure what I'm asking but has anyone else felt like this and how can I tackle it?

Watching with interest as I have 2 Dses (3.5yo and 1 month old) and sometimes feel a bit like this. I'm an introvert too.

DS1 is very extroverted and energetic and high maintenance, and has been since birth. DS2 is still tiny but shows signs of being much more chilled. So I wonder whether my sons will end up having very different personalities regardless of gender IYSWIM.

They might not like football. If they do, can't their dad cheer them on from the sidelines instead of you?

I'm an introvert too, DH isn't, so he goes to all the kiddy parties. We play to our strengths.

My dh doesn't like football either and is possibly more introverted than I am!!

Yeah, I think my ds2 is going to be quieter and more serious somehow than ds1. I suppose if I'd had a girl I might ascribe that difference to their gender but actually they are just different people!

Oh, soccer moms exist with girls too. Trust me. If you had girls, they'd still be wanting to do sports (or you'd be wanting them to so you could get a break). You'll never get away from moms wanting to one up you with their child, not even when they're in high school.

I had a girl, but I was more of a tomboy growing up. My DH really wanted a girl so he could dress her up in princess things and have tea parties with her. It's hard to get past gender stereotypes though, we had to make a conscious effort to put boy toys on her amazon wish list so she doesn't feel too pushed in either direction. Granted, she's still an infant, so it's more to help us not push her into either direction. :)

Have you tried getting them girl toys? My aunt got my cousins baby dolls growing up, and they played with them. Boys can learn nurturing skills too. They grew up to be excellent fathers, and really good men.

They have a kitchen and a pushchair but no dolls as such. Ds1 has been known to try and bf a teddy while I'm
Bf the baby!

There's me and my DSis, you would've hated being our mum as we were both very sporty, you'd have spent every weekend watching us and 2 weeks every summer holidays at national championships watching us too. Gender stereotypes aren't a blanket statement!

One of my boys likes football- the other hates it. One loves reading and dancing and drama. The other likes puzzles and drawing and singing. You really cant tell how they'll turn out just by gender. Unless you force certain things that is.

With girls you'd be a dance mum it's just as bad but everyone is a roasting hot hall fighting over glitter hair spray it's just as bad if not worse as little girls can be just as bitchy as their mums!

In my limited experience of one of each DS is proving to be easier that Dneice she's wild.

I have 3 brothers who are all 'geeks', always have been. Never liked sport, all went on to work in IT/science, don't like travelling. My mum is uber sporty, loves travelling and a bit crazy quite frankly. I grew up a cross between the two. Think my mum has always been a bit frustrated by that but goes to show that boys don't equal sporty! It is interesting though, I have quite a few friends with 2 girls who I could never imagine being mums to boys. I quite fancied a boy and am pregnant with my first son! A lot of people have said 'I can see you being a mum to boys'. No idea why as I'm not exactly a lad but suits me:-)

I know where you're coming from OP. My Ds is very sporty and constantly harrasses me to go to the park for a kick about. I don't mind going out for walks or bike rides but I can't stand football.
There's no escaping it for me, it's practically obligatory here in Scotland and I am not looking forward to Sunday mornings stood on a freezing pitch listening to grown men scream at their kids

I am mum to two boys who both enjoy and play in football teams. Not a great lover of football myself, but it is watching them as young people participating and improving in something they enjoy every week that brings me pleasure, not the actual game itself!

Amazingly some boys love reading/drawing and writing and don't like football. Or like both. Or neither but prefer computer games, music and dance instead.

Some girls like sport.

I have 2 boys. I wanted to be the mother of boys because I didn't like all that 'girly' stuff. Now, as well as lego and bike riding and Skylanders I spend hours sitting in church halls waiting for ballet/tap/street dance/ choir to finish. Oh the irony.

The fact is your 2 are too little for you to work out what weird and wonderful combinations of things are going to interest them. So relax and enjoy.