Moving from 1 to 2...honesty please!

[JessaJam]

In the same vein as the thread about the things no one tells you about being pregnant, but turn out to be really common...what is it like moving from one to two children...? Physically, financially, emotionally, practically...

I'm just [broody]!

Mine are 19mths apart (dd 3 now and ds 19months) and to be honest I found it really hard. I started having panic attacks after the arrival of ds and found it hard to cope with the exhaustion of sleepless nights and a toddler. Now though they adore each other and mostly play brilliantly together. Makes me feel warm inside when I watch them! Worth all the cr*p!

In some ways we found it easier going from 1-2 (forewarned about colic, lack of sleep etc), and there are so many plusses, but if you WOTH JessJam (can't remember if you do, sorry) and have to go back for financial or other reasons, then you do have twice the likelihood of childhood illness calling you away from work, twice the pangs of missing them, twice the angst of ensuring lots of good times together as a family. And TWICE THE CHILDCARE COSTS TOO.
That for me has been the downside. I have no regrets other than that the organisational part of my brain is definitely twice as fried as it was with one.
And, although a bigger age gap has its advantages, with ds being a wonderful big brother, we are now starting to see too many squabbles about TV

Marina, yes i do WOTH (unfortunately) and need to continue for financial reasons (harumph!) and that's is one of the things preventing number 2 - I don't think we could afford childcare for 2 if I worked FT, but I need to work FT, add to that the fact that I don't want to work FT...

I just remember thinking in the first few weeks of ds life that I had made such a mistake and had ruined everything by wanting a baby and now everything had changed blah blah blah.

I am in a similar position JessaJam. It has taken its toll on dh and me especially - we get so little time together as a couple, and our disposable income is near zero at present - but I honestly don't think the dcs are at all unhappy with the situation. They are both super children - bright, funny, well-mannered as a rule, and kind.
Try not to let the numerous scary headlines implying that children in daycare are sociopaths in the making influence you at all.
The sums also can be frightening but I think every family regardless of circumstances is petrified that they cannot afford another child IYSWIM

DS is 5 yrs older than dd and i think that helps a lot. DD is also a much easier baby than DS. DS had severe eczema, asthma and food allergies. DD has none of these and honestly she is so much easier as a result. On the other hand she is more of a handful in other ways.

Once the sleep gets sorted it's not that much harder.

I found it tough. Absolutely no time at all to myself. But I think I had slight PND. I was a bit all over the place. Relationship with dh under pressure. Double child care costs, double hassle to get out to work in the morning.

But, when the two kids start to play together and show real love for each other it's fantastic. And as you see, it's very different for different people.

I have to say I found it easy from 1-2. I really struggled from 0-1 with the adjustment to my life and in hindsight think I had PND. I was worried a lot during the pregnancy if it would happen again but it didn't and I bonded with DS2 straight away. There are 18m between my two and DS2 was 1 yesterday.
I really really enjoyed him as a baby and found it all so much easier but I think in reality it was me just being more relaxed and not expecting as much of myself that made it and him easier. I just let everything go except the child care.
Having said that when DS2 was ill and in hospital at 12 weeks it was very hard having two to worry about but you can't predict that sort of thing.
I would thoroughly recommend it to you. Mine play together well now and the best bit is that I have never really had to entertain DS2 as even when he was very small he was fascinated by DS1.
The pregnancy was HARD though- as a SAHM I had the toddler to look after and I was that bit older and it was medically more difficult. In fact I'd love no3 but the pregnancy puts me off a bit.

Going from 1 to 2, physically was hard as i was very tired, 18 months between my two boys. Emotionally it was hard but very very rewarding. Financially not too bad as they were both boys so the hand me downs were used again and again. I did all the night feeds, and most of the other things for the two. Would I have done it differently - yes bigger gap between the two and made h do more. But wonderful now they're very very close and great playmates. Would have like more but we decided to stop at two sometimes I wonder if it were the right decision.

god i found it really hard and i still do ! there is a 4.5 yr age gap between my two, i suppose i got used to the TOTAL easiness of one child. our ds was born then BANG! everything changed..no sleep, no money.. me and my dh close to splitting and still are...sometimes i wish id stuck with one. but thats only cos im a selfish cow , and dont get me wrong i adore my ds, he is truly gorgeous.

I found it relatively easy to go from 1-2, certainly easier than from 0-1. There's a 4-year gap between them, and I think that helped us in the first months. It did seem to take a while to find our new routine - it did feel a bit random for a while, but it was still less of a shock than the first time round. DD took very easily to being the 'big sister' - not sure if it would have been so easy if DS had been first. Being pregnant when you already have a DC I did find difficult, especially in the early weeks when you're just knocked out with tiredness.

In some ways I found it easy going from 1-2 and in others really hard.

As far as looking after the new baby was concerned it was a lot easier than the first time as I knew what to do, I knew that the sleepless nights and endless feeding wouldn't last forever and that most of the time he was fine and I didn't need to take him to the doctors every 5 minutes That knowledge is amazing, infact it made me wonder what I was moaning about when I only had ds1

However, I found it hard to 'divide' myself, working out who needed me more, this was extra hard as ds1 broke his leg and was hospitalised when ds2 was 3 weeks old and I was totally torn over who needed me more. I also found it hard to organise 2 and always forgot something in the early days. I also had a tough second pregnancy and was i and out of hospital and felt terribly guilty about leaving ds1.

Financially, it wasn't too bad as they were born at the same time of year and ds2 wore all ds2's clothes and has his toys. I stayed at home after ds2 was born and had worked part time after ds1 was born so without childcare it's not been to bad. We have cut back, but it's been worth it to stay home.

Physically, well, my back will never be the same thanks to SPD second time around and I certainly won't ever get back into size 10 jeans. I'm also more tired and have less time for myself than when I only had ds1.

But, I wouldn't do it any different, I love my 2 little chaps and love seeing them together and playing and most of all when ds1 tells me 'I love Ben Mommy' tears from mommny every time.

There's 2 years and 2 days between my boys and I spent all of ds1's second birthday hoping I wasn't going in to labour, that wasn't good.

I had 22 months between DD's 1 and 2 and then DD's 2 and 3. It nearly killed me but I can look back and laugh now. I think planning really is the key and you have to be ready emotionally and financially. You'll never be ready physically lol

Well,ds was 2 exactly when dd was born.I think it depends on the kind of baby you get and the age gap.I was incredibly spoiled by ds as he was an "easy" baby,slept through from 16 weeks and napped during day,went onto bottle at four months with no problems.dd on the other hand....oh god you dont want to know...never slept through until 6 months,had colic,had reflux and guzzled for England and yep at nine months Im still breastfeeding.Also she has two very short daytime naps but is otherwise on the go.Personally because of all these issues I found the first 6 months an absolute nightmare.Mainly looking back due to immense sleep deprivation,and trying to control terrible twos tantrums and potty training whilst all the above was occuring.Having said that now I am really enjoying having the two and wouldnt have it any other way,especially lovely is having the two of them in the bath giggling at each other,first thing in the morning when they are both snuggled up next to me in bed and when ds throws his armas round his sister and plants a big sloppy kiss on her saying "I love you baby!!".The biggest difficulty is trying to be fair with time and attention,I wish I could clone myself!!!On a practical scale its double the getting up, dressing,washing,ironing and washing up in fact I seem to do nothing but feed,wipe,toilet,wipe,feed wipe toilet ad infinitum!!!Physically its very tiring but you adjust.Mentally you feel like youve been through the wringer by the end of the day but on balance it is worth it watching their two little personalities develop!!!If no 2 is imminent I hope you get a lovely easygoing colic and reflux free baby!!!!

Have just read all the thread and have to say KITTYWITS!! 6 !!! You must be INCREDIBLY organised!!!TOTAL respect!!!

LOL californifrau ,very succint in comparison to my ramble and so true!!!

Well thanks wrinklytum (great name btw), I liken my increasing family to weight lifting! If I had been given them all at once I would now be completley insane. Like weight lifting as each weight goes on you struggle a bit and then get used to it. Does that make sense!? It's bloody hard work and I often feel like I'm failing and just want to jack it all in, but I can't so I keep searching for new ways to make my life easier and more efficient.