Moving from 1 to 2...honesty please!

[JessaJam]

In the same vein as the thread about the things no one tells you about being pregnant, but turn out to be really common...what is it like moving from one to two children...? Physically, financially, emotionally, practically...

I'm just [broody]!

honestly it was quite easy for us. Practically dd is now 8mths so it is getting a little harder but then I am also 20wks pg so could have something to do with it. I have a 2.2yr gap between ds and dd and it great. dd jumped into ds routine by 3 wks old so have evenings to ourselves. only downside for us was dd being quite ill/hospitalised which made me feel guilty about ds but he was fine and adores his little sister.

it hasnt been that for, my ds is 5 weeks and i also have a dd who is nearly 2. feels like ds been with us forever and dd has taken to the change well.

i recovered from the birth well and manage the two well with my partner at work most of the day

I only have 13 months between dd 1 and 2, and although at first it was hard as I had a c section with dd2, now it is GREAT as they always have a friend to play with, and they do get on really well. Financially it didn't make a lot of difference to us, as we still had all the clothes etc Emotionally I was worried because I wasn't sure how I would feel about another but the minute she was born that resolved itself!! I had a conversation with a friend at the time, and she said 'just think, you are giving dd1 someone who will love her forever'. Which is just about spot on!! Incidentally, I have gone on to have dd3, and am currently expecting another dd or ds!!

There is 20 months between ds1 & ds2. DS2 is now 15 months old, ds1 2.11.
For me, moving from one to two means :

• you know how to deal with a baby. it felt easy, like you know what on earth you are doing.
• I was more tired when ds2 was little because I also had a todler to run - I mean look - after.
• the difficult bit : adjusting to deal with 2 sets of demands at the same time and learning than sometimes one has to wait - ie cry - wilst you are dealing with the other.
• Expensive because of the nursery (2 children under 3) otherwise not so bad as I reused the clothes from ds1.
• THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE twice the joys, it is so nice to see them interacting, playing wih each oher, ds2 going to give a cuddle to ds1 and so on.
• Need to learn how to deal with 'wars' between them. Something totally new for me as I am a single child so had o idea on how to tackle it.

Oh forgot, I got extremely organised : menu for the week, shopping once a week on the internet (with a shopping list), day organized more like in a nursery (times for eating/sleeping, going out...). My way to chanel what on earth will happen next .
Never did any of this when I had just one....

youknowwhat, I need to be more like you

Much easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1. Baby kind of fitted in with no1. It is the squabbles now they are 4 and 6 that are hard to deal with!

Hard, hard work but well worth it. Being an only child myself, we had a 2nd child for dd's sake & have never regretted it, even though I sometimes feel so tired & frustrated that bedtime seems to be the best time of day.

Isn't there a saying that the things you regret about your life are the things you didn't do? I can't imagine hardly anyone with 2 kids looking back over their life and think "I wish I'd stuck at one"! So for me that answered the question. But saying that, you can have rough ride with number two, as we did, and then things are really really hard for a few years. The worst thing for us was that we'd assumed it would be quite easy - the whole "done it once so we'll know the ropes" kind of thinking - which does hold true for a lot of people. The bottom line is that however hard things have been I've never for even a split second regretted having dd2 and seeing my 2 dd's playing together gives me the best feeling in the world

I think it probably depends on the age gap. I'd say it is as hard going from 1-2 as having your first. I have ds 2.7 and dd almost 1. The first six/seven months was awful, she never took a bottle (still hasn't) and I felt like I nearly died from sleep deprivation. But.....after that it got much easier. Physically I am not there yet - floppy stomach, sore back etc but recovered from the actual labour much faster second time round. I was far more relaxed dealing with dd but the logistics of dealing with two, especially two this small, is the hard part. Have potty trained recently though and love not having two sets of nappies. I love them to bits and despite not being a natural mum I actually want a third so something must be going vaguely right! I am quite an anxious person so probably should have left a larger gap between these two as I think it would have been easier to cope. If no3 happens it will be when ds is at school I think or just before! I cannot possibly imagine ds being an only child and they are both lovely but different. Do it, but prepare yourself is my advice!

Not only does it depend on the age gap, but also on the baby. We have a 3 yr 4 mth age gap between DD & DS we also lost a DS when DD was 2 yrs 3 mths. DD wasn't an easy baby (colic, round the clock feeder, fussy weaner, etc) and DS wasn't much better ! In fact he was worse as his colic was longer (12 hrs a day and until about 5 mths old) and bf always makes my moods swing hard and was depressed still about DS1. So I found it very hard going. But luckily DS is much happier now and finally settled into a routine at 6mths (more like shoved really really hard into one...but he just wasn't taking it before that). Now they play together -- most of the time.

The thing with such a large gap is that they both have different needs in terms of naps etc. But this is getting less as DS gets older, but was really really hard when he needed 3 naps & DD needed none (especially as DS hated the pram and would just scream nonstop in it).

But is the best thing and wouldnt' ever change it

Sorry so long.

meant to include that DD is now 5.5 and DS 2.

i found it reaslly difficult actually. altho seems i am the only one! DS1 just slipped into our lives easily, he was what they call a 'textbook' baby. ds2 arrived 23 months later and its taken me a little over a year to get used to the change. now i am responsible for 2 children(now 16 months and 3.6) i have to feed them, look after them, love them etc etc. looking back i had PND after ds2 was born but didn;t acknowledge it(no mumsnet then )so i would prob have settled quicker if i had acknowledged that.

financially we are up shit creek, altho we always were to a certain extent. physically, well i am 2 dress larger now than i was when i first had DS2 4 dress sizes larger than b4 children.

BUT everyday i go into their room and their love for me is so evident, they fight they squavbble they throw food they are sick but its really all worth it. no one can prepare you for the difference that children makes in your life and i think if u have no expectations then you will enjoy every single minute of it.

Well I'm with mumofmonsters, for me 1-2 was sooooooooo much harder than 0-1. It may have been because of fact I had a c section second time, the fact ds2 had reflux, ds1 was not sleeping through when ds2 born or the fact we moved houe when ds2 was 8 weeks old and I had to pack and unpack all on my own!!

Just getting better now ds2 15m and ds1 is nearly 3.

Going from one to two was very hard for me. There is 19 months between mine so I had 2 babies at the same time. It was hell and I am sure I had PND looking back.

However I went for a third and its a piece of cake with three. Maybe its me but I am enjoying my kids now and forget what the mess really means

I found the first 4-5 months after having dd really hard. I have a 19 month gap so found it a lot harder to get to know dd because I just didn't have the time to devote to her.

Having said that, it is now the most amazing thing to sit and watch them together. Ds is 2.8 and dd was 1 on monday and they really love each other. They do fight but they also wouldn't be without one another and for me it more than makes up for those first few awful months.

Dc3 is due at Christmas and I'm fully expecting the first part of next year to be incredibly difficult as I try and juggle 3 sets of very different needs. But, I also know that it will all be worthwhile once the early days are over.

Message withdrawn

I found it easy - even after having a section. 0-1 was the shocker for me! I found the whole giving up work and becoming a mum alot to get my head around but by the time no2 came along I was pretty much sorted. Still crap at housework but love being a mum and want a third!

easy for me too. ds is 4 weeks tomorrowand dd is 19 months today and haven't had the slightest bit of difficulty so far. ddloves her brother andhas actually become an easier more relaxed child since he was born and loves to kiss and cuddle him and 'help' me by bringing me stuff and giving him all her toys

obviously it'll get more challenging as they get older but in other ways it'll take some of the pressure of me to constantly be playing with her if they can play together.

must say though the preg was hideous with a toddler to run after!

It was a real shock for me. 14 months between my ist two. No other jump has been that hard and I am now preg with no.6

OMG kittywits you are a supermum!

medulla, that's very sweet of you. Actually, I'm under the cosh and like every mum find it tough going.However, it's a good, steep learning curve!

I honestly found moving from 1-2 one of the hardest things I had ever done. It seemed such a huge mountain to look after 2 children at once (dd1 was 2 just 3 days after ds was born). I was SO tired, disorganised, miserable ... then I discovered I had PND! Once that was more sorted out it was much MUCH easier.
Moving from 2-3, however, was a doddle.

I found going from 1 to 2 was a lot easier than I thought it would be but this might be due to the bigger age-gap (4.5yrs).

I had anticipated major jealousy problems but that didn't really happen -DD was delighted to have a baby brother (to her he was like a real-life baby doll!).

Preparing no1 for the arrival of no2 is the secret I think

my DSs (19 months apart) are playing together upstairs as I type and they get on really well. they are 4.7 and just coming up 3.
I would say that the pregnancy was harder with Ds2 as I had DS1 to wear me out and I couldn't rest when I wanted. The first few weeks were pretty hard work too but OK if you didn't want to be anywhere by a certain time in the morning!
That time passes very quickly though and I'm really glad we have the small gap. Financially it made little difference (I am a SAHM)except for shoes really as DS2 wears DS1's hand me downs and emotionally, for me, it was the best thing I could have ever done. I bonded immediately with DS2 where I had taken a little more time with DS1 and he fed like a dream compared to his big brother.
Go for it!