Is this bullying?

[yoyo27]

So today I went round to visit a friend with my children. While there her step daughter realised she need to take off her nail varnish for school tomorrow. She also said that she needed to cut her toenails but could her mum do it as it is nail scissors, not clippers, and she can't use them.

Her mum laughed AT her and said
"Are you kidding? So you're old enough to wear nail varnish but not to cut your own toenails? You're a big baby"

It doesn't sound much, but it isn't an isolated case. The words "big baby get thrown around a lot", even though her step daughter and son are the same age.

I understand there is an element of teasing, but it felt like this overstepped the line to mild bullying

Hmm, think that depends on how the daughter reacted. Do they have a jokey relationship? I often remind my own teenage daughter of the paradoxes in her own life e. g she can get the bus to town with her friends but shys away from answering the door!

well, it is very hard to tell from one example. It sounds to me like teasing, or nasty digs, depending on their relationship and tone of voice etc.

I think the definition of bullying is that something is repeated. Someone can behave badly once, and that is an incident (for want of a better word) It becomes bullying when it is repeated over time, repeated unwanted, unkind/hurtful behaviour.

I personally wouldn't use big baby as an insult, but I have recently been telling my 9 yo that she needs to learn to do things (like cutting nails and washing own hair) as she is now 9 and not a little kid any more.

They do have a jokey relationship and her SD gives as good as she gets! But this left her very quiet and it isn't the first time

sounds as if your friend is joking, but pitching it a bit wrong, so that her SD is actually getting hurt.

If is was me, and if it was a good friend, I would add a joke comment to show that what she had said was a bit much. Or even just lightheartedly say 'give her a break, she only wanted a bit of help!'
But it would assume I had a good enough friendship to say it.

How old is the SD?

SD is ten.

I agree with Steppemum.

My 13yo also gives as good as he gets with teasing. My 11yo doesn't cope nearly as well with teasing. What they have in common is that teasing regarding maturity issues is too close to the bone for them. They are wobbling their way between childhood and adulthood, and to be told that they are a baby over a maturity issue that they have not quite mastered can every hurtful.

My 13yo uses clippers to trim his toenails, but asked me to do it for him once when we only had nail scissors available. Since then he has got the hang of nail scissors.