my 4-year old is peeing the bed following the birth of her baby brother

[mammaitaliana1]

I was wondering if anybody has had the same experience: my 4-year old is now peeing the bed (and sometimes wets herself during the day) virtually every night. This follows the birth of her brother in April this year.
I am treating this as an inconvenience but am not making a big deal of it as she looks mortified. I refuse to go back to pull-ups as she stopped wearing them more than 18 months ago.

Any advice

Mamma, no advice as not yet been in your shoes (dd2 due early December, dd1 just potty trained/ing) but I'm half anticipating something like this. Its only amateur psychology, but I wonder if 'babying' your dd in some other, unmortifying way would help re-channel whatever stress if making her pee the bed?? Wild theory, I know....just what I would try myself. Whatever lets her know its ok to feel displaced/anxious/nostalgic for babyhood...though not necessarily in words, IYSWIM.

I think it is pretty common.

We had it with dd, although she was 2yr9mo and had been dry at night for 6 months. She wasn't old enough to be bothered (except in a "Mum I need dry sheets now" way). I can't remember how long it lasted so I'm not much help am I! Its all a blur now.

Acutally, one thought - we had reusable pull-ups. Cloth potty-training knickers. These ones I think. So a bit more like wearing knickers in bed than wearing a nappy, and can be washed and re-used (whether wet or not). I think we went back to using these for a while.

thanks. Elibean, my background is actually psychological (and mainly psychoanalytical) and I am pretty sure there is something going on in terms of "being like baby and peeing myself as I am little too". But I am wondering whether being too containing might actually encourage this behaviour to continue. We are nowin the 3rd week! (my washer will break, i have this feeling)
Fruitful, thanks for the advice but i feel that going back to any type of nappy is going to backfire...but i might do it due to desperation!

I think it is absolutely normal for children to regress when a new baby arrives. It is all about feeling left out and a bit insecure - who is percieved to be getting the most attention?! Try giving lots of praise and reassurance - "gosh you are such a help, aren't I lucky to have a big girl" etc etc. Also, play down the bed wetting - "oh dear, just an accident". If your dd has a baby doll that she can dress and undress you could buy a pack of prem.baby nappies from superdrug, very cheap, and she can change her baby's nappy. You can remind her, gently, of all the things she can do/have that the baby can't. (It is much more fun being 4, and being a baby is a bit boring). Good luck - it does pass.

just a thought, but is there any chance she could have a slight urine infection? If she goes to nursery she might have even picked up threadworms - this can cause urinary problems and bedwetting in little girls and is very common.

Mine too, Mamma, though thats going back a way! I suppose I was thinking along the lines of acknowledging that she can be little as well as being big, but in specific ways. Cuddles, books tucked up under a cosy blanket, warm milk to drink on cold rainy days, anything that feels like being babied but is appropriate to - well, I like those things even in my forties
And at the same time, keeping on with minimizing the importance of bedwetting (even telling her it happens to lots of 4 yr olds, if she's feeling bad about it) and the big-girl praise.
Also think its worth checking out frogs' idea re health/bedwetting - though it does sound like the usual, very normal, new sibling regression kind of thing.
You've probably tried cutting down drinks for the last hour or two before bed etc?

thanks to all. I have checked and no urine infection but worth keeping in mind.
I am already playing it down as she looks very shy when she realizes she has wet the bed. I know it is going to pass. But it is hard while it lasts! I have been involving her in looking after little baby brother and have been giving her plenty of praise. It is useful to remind myself I have been behaving appropriately, being a (working) mum i am prone to attacks of guilt etc.
Elibean: i could have sworn you were a fellow psychologist (even with my passion for psychoanalysis!?)

I bet you're doing all you possibly can - like you said, its just one of those things that happens, dealing with life's changes, and its not her fault and not your fault and it will pass. AND I bet its a load of extra work till then - may you, and your washer, survive!

thanks a lot Elibean. This morning the bed was dry so I am hopeful!

Hi mamma- I had the same problem with my son when my daughter was born. He was 3 at the time. I noticed during the day that he would wet himself for attention- and I did the same as you. Just played it down- no big deal. Didn't have problem at night as he is still wet at night. I think it is natrual for this to happen when a sibling arrives. It took my son a good 3 months to stop the wetting in the day- I think this is one you are just going to have to wait out!!
Just to add- I kept him in his pants- didn't revert back to pull ups or anything as thought that this would just be a step backwards than forwards

thanks. this is the 2nd day with a dry bed. This goes in parallel with me spending more time with her, without the baby, just 30 minutes or so "quality time". I hope this is it!

Fingers crossed, Mamma! And hats off to you for finding the time and energy. Way to go.

thanks for your support. will keep you posted on new progress. mind you, dd was awful this morning, refused to wear anything with buttons. Do i have to analyze this at all? it has been going on for more than a year...

OMG, my dd also hates buttons! She's better than she was, will wear a polo shirt with two or three buttons at the neck, and no problem with trousers or even cardigans, but a blouse/shirt? No way. And every now and then she will say 'hate buttons, me'. She's 2.8.
There have been whole threads on button phobias on the Behaviour section, someone was trying to research them...and a couple of MNetters said they still have an aversion to buttons in adult hood.
I tend to play it down, not push too hard but not avoid buttons either IYSWIM. Any ideas??

As for analyzing, I haven't really (and thats coming from someone who loves to!) because tbh I have no idea where to start with this one.

i really would prefer not to analyze, when i am at home i do not want to work!! plus, very dangerous to do that with close family!
but she hates any button, she only tolerates the ones on jeans and trousers, all cardigans have zips and the school uniform will be a problem, shirts are compulsory...

I remember one woman saying she (or her ds??) could cope with shirts if a t-shirt was worn underneath. I think it might work for my dd, as she's ok with buttoned up cardigans etc....though I'm still hoping it will pass altogether, somehow. Wish I understood it better, must admit.

i have resorted to classic behavioural chart ie. she wears buttons and she gets stars...
extreme measures but am running out of patience!