writing up phd at 32 weeks pregnant - feel like I can't take it anymore and need some encouragement

[BettyFriedansLoveChild]

Am aiming to submit a finished draft of my thesis by the time I give birth to my second child at the beginning of June. DP has taken DD1 away for the weekend so I can get some work done, but my concentration is rubbish, I feel exhausted, sleepy, tearful, and just want to give up on the whole thing. Only I know that I have to keep going, because trying to complete once the baby is here will be even harder. Somebody please tell me it will be worth it.

I've just finished my masters dissertation and it was torture at the end so I sympathise. It will be worth it!

When I was finding it tough I worked in 30 minute chunks with a ten minute break between them then a longer break after each hour and a half. Do you have any fellow students to talk to? We had a facebook group that was good for support.

It will be worth it. Finishing a PhD is a hard slog even without anything else going on, but you can do it. How far through are you? You know how many words it needs to be, so target what needs to be done each day as a minimum. Build in a bit of slack for life, appointments and so on.

Break it down into small sections, write bullet points of what you're going to be writing next, and then fill in the gaps. Take breaks when you need to, but put notes about what's next so you don't lose the flow.

You can do it, and it will be worth it.

It is really, REALLY worth it. And it is really, really hard. Everyone kicks and screams towards the end of their thesis. You just have a far better excuse than the rest .

Think of it this way:

if you can get a finished draft of your thesis completed by June then your supervisor has time to make comments over summer when you are very busy with newborn. At around 8 weeks, when with luck newborn will be sleeping a bigger chunk of the night, you can make any final revisions before the end of September deadline (That is the usual deadline isn't it?) Will your DP get paternity leave?

Don't feel it has to be perfect by june, just finished, in some coherent form.

You will be a doctor. That is a very soothing thought to recall when you have sleep deprived, hormonally induced baby brain.

Thank you, you lovely people! I was feeling so down and exhausted this afternoon, you've really cheered me up.

Webwiz, I have a few 'phd parent' friends after having DD1, plus a decent network of people who are also aiming to hand in in the next few months (although almost everyone in the writing up phase has gone into self-imposed isolation). When I do see them they look as exhausted as I am, so suspect that I would feel awful even if I wasn't pregnant!

EBear, I've filled my word-count, I'm just editing and trying to produce a coherent argument! It seems to be taking forever though.

Cootonwoolmum, I need to have passed my viva before September in order to make the deadline for applications for postdoctoral position. DP is taking three weeks paternity leave, so in a worst case scenario I will just carry on writing while he takes the baby for short walks / work with it strapped to me in a sling…

Just a very sad update - it wasn't worth it; my baby died at 35 weeks after a placental abruption. Worried that I worked myself into the ground and might have caused it. Ironically I now have plenty of time to complete my thesis, but it doesn't seem important anymore. I feel like the cost of completing my phd will have been my daughter's life.

Sorry for your loss. Its not your fault

So sorry Betty. It wasn't your fault at all.

Betty. I'm so sorry for your sad news. Please don't blame yourself or your phd. I'm certain you couldn't have caused it.

I hope you get time to stop and regroup, and grieve.

First of all don't be hard on yourself. Life seems to swallow us up from time to time but eventually you will get through it and look back with relief and pride that you did it and achieved your PhD.

Betty - I couldn't read this and not post. There is no way any of this is your fault. Writing up your PhD - no matter how hard you have been working on it - did not cause your daughter's death.

Please be kind to yourself and take a break from your work. I really feel for you, you have absolutely no reason AT ALL to feel guilty.

Couldn't read and not post either.

I'm also a final year phd student and mum and just wanted to emphasise that this is in no way your fault. Your mind does funny things to you. I am lucky to have had my second baby a few months ago. He has impaired hearing and one of my first reactions was that i should give up my phd as a kind of penance, that i shouldn't / didn't have the right to prioritise it in any way. I think it was my mind trying to impose sense and order on things that actually i had no control over.

A few months on, i'm thinking that doing / having the phd is good for me and my family all round, and unscrambling this link between it and my son's condition. I hope that makes sense and isn't unhelpful or insensitive to post given that our situations are different.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Can you let your uni know and defer until you are potentially ready to return to your phd as something positive?

Again, this is not your fault at all.

(sorry for any general
phone posting incoherence!)

Sweetheart - it wasn't your fault. People cope with sht pregnant - and sht happens to people who do nothing at all. Just hang in there and be kind to yourself.