Fuck off, visitors!

[weebigmamma]

I've been home from hospital for a couple of days after a section and my family are starting to get pushy about visiting. I feel irrationally angry about it. they're only trying to be nice but I'm knackered, I can't sleep when the bloody baby sleeps (yay insomnia!) and although I'm recovering well the only stable thing in the day now is the fact that baby is either feeding or sleeping. I have no desire at all to have my family over so they can try and make him wake up 'to see his eyes', insist on passing him around, make crap jokes about why he's crying so much as they do it...

I know I'm being horrible. I'm being horrible to my husband and daughter too. It is probably baby blues time (milk in, and I'm bottle feeding) but I wish I could be nicer to people. My dad wants us to travel 20 miles to his on Sunday for lunch and when DH said no he said 'think about it, a lot can change in a few days'! It's the same as it was when my daughter was born- everyone wants to see her and nobody gives a shit how I might be feeling about everything.

Please tell me that I will be a nicer person in a few days time.... this isn't helped by the fact that another family member has just given birth and has been out and about loads sharing her baby round and people have remarked on how well she's doing and how she's out wearing her high heels days after her section. But I'm not her. I'm older and I don't want to wear high heels and go out to people's houses. I want to stay in my own house and have people leave me alone.

Congratulations on your gorgeous new baby

You need to get DH on side and go for total lockdown for a few days. Get him to fend people off and tell them you are recovering and getting to know your new baby

Congratulations! Yes, DH needs to fend people off to allow you some time for sleep and recovery so you can relax and enjoy the cuddles.

My goodness. A couple of days after birth and I was bawling my eyes out about being a rubbish mother and wife (baby blues), I couldn't eat a thing, and barely slept as I was attempting bf but had no milk (none came!). Then a stitch came loose, got infected, and I could barely move for a few days. Once I went on ABs and cocodamol, and we moved to ff due to lack of milk, I think I slept for a week.

My mum came to visit once in that time, which was fine as we're close and she expected nothing from me, she just wanted to see DS and help out. No one else came to the house until 2wks postpartum. I only left the house before 2wks to go to the GP because of the infection.

I'm pg with no. 2 now and there are already strict rules in place that I get 2wks visitor-free, with the exception of my parents, and they aren't getting in before day 4-5.

On top of that you've just had a section, you need rest, and privacy, and well, whatever you want frankly! Everyone else can wait. It's not entitled, it's a necessity! I can't believe they'd request you to travel, even 1 mile, forget 20!

I totally sympathise, I couldn't face visitors after my EMCS. DS was attached to my boob morning, noon and night and I didn't want to put on anything other than my jammies. I was sore, tired, emotional and liable to snap at anyone about anything!

We live with my PIL so I had to endure visits from most of DH's family but he was SO supportive in keeping people at bay from wherever baby and I were.

Maybe talk to your DH about how you feel (I felt incredibly physically fragile for weeks afterwards) and ask him to support you in resting for the first few weeks. Ignore those who are swanning about in high heels, focus on your beautiful new baby and healing your body.

I started to be a bit more rational and nicer after about 3 months or so! Congrats on your new addition. My one advice I would suggest to you is to allow yourself to feel however you want to feel and don't be Afraid to say no ( or get someone to do it for you!)

Agree with choco let them stew, the baby isn't going away and you will both be much happier giving it a bit of time. The family member will probably regret the heels when she doesn't heal well, sounds like silly vanity to me.

I hated all the flash photography, baby opens his eyes for one second and is blinded by cameras. After one session of that the only people who were allowed near the house were those who were willing to cook and clean for me .

Hey. I dont think you are being horrible. You've been through a massive event and trauma to your body. People should understand that. Ask your other half to take charge of taking photos and emailing or sending them to relatives so they can see the baby before you are ready for visitors. Perhaps explain over the phone that you are looking forward to meet n greets but want to get rested first to be at your best

You are NOT being horrible! I absolutely understand it. In fact, this time round I've told DH we're not having visitors for a fortnight and I'm staying in my jammies. I hope I have the balls to stick to it and up to family when the time comes. I agree that you need to get your DH to be firm and say No, and go on 'lockdown', as someone else said.

Also, 20 miles in a car is a long journey after a section, I imagine it'd be really uncomfortable. Can you use this as your 'get out' if they keep asking?

Congratulations on your new baby!

Thanks all. I can't help feeling crap about it and my mum just seems so disappointed, but yesterday I had to go back into hospital because my blood pressure shot up and it was awful. I had to leave my 6 day old baby and sit in a waiting room for hours not knowing if I would even get home that night. I spent all of today in bed with DH helping out and it was the most relaxing day we've had so far. I just wish family could hide their disappointment a bit better it's making me feel shit. I do want them to see him but I have to be an adult about it and put my health first and the baby is sometimes hard enough to settle without having to have family lifting him and trying to make him responsive to them. :-(

The most important people here are you and your newborn! Full stop! I know it is hard, but hang in there - I've been through similar (DD1 11 days old) although not the complications, you poor love. Fuck off, visitors! How dare people foist themselves on you. Idiots!

Congrats and hope you feel much better soon!

One of my biggest regrets in life was allowing my adoptive parents to come and stay in our house the day I got home with my firstborn.

It had been a traumatic delivery, breastfeeding was a nightmare and all my adoptive mother wanted to do was hold him. All the time.

It really affected me negatively and I still look back with a little sadness.

Some people like visitors, others don't. There is no right way and you have to do what's right for you and thus your baby.

buffy thats terrible

I told everyone that I would want a couple of weeks recover before ds was even here I'm a very private person and wouldnt have coped with all of the busyness around me and I wanted to breastfeed.
My Mum and Dad turned up at the hospital and my Mum 'accidently' left my Dads hearing aids in a bag of stuff she sent so had to come back for them as soon as I got home then stayed for a whole bloody day.
ds is nearly 2 and it still annoys me now when I think about how she had no respect for what I wanted and the way I had been planning it for months.

OP I sympathise :( I wish I'd have been more vocal and said no to visitors early on I got myself so upset over it. People are a bloody nuisance in the early days- I didn't want to worry about if the house was tidy or run around making them cups of tea (yes them! How bloody rude) I wanted to snuggle on the settle with my cuddly newborn.
Put your foot down now OP

I sympathise. It's the one time you don't need it. Ok, you have to grin and bear it they say, but I didn't want to. One friend (nosey, loves put downs) rang and rang to come in to the hospital. Rang my mother. Sent texts that her, dh n her kids were calling to the house at 8 pm (cluster feeding). Said that I should be over it quick as didn't have a normal birth.

Needless to say, she is no longer a friend. She still texts and tries to be, but no.

Oh I know that feeling well,people do think of themselves don't they?how are you feeling today?i had 4dc's and once my mil burst in picked up they baby took a photo and said ' that's it I got my photo I wanted to be the first' put baby down and left,I laugh now,glad she was ok! I could have done with a cup of tea,some ironing doing,or maybe even a little chat!!!
I am sorry you feel a bit fed up,it's such hard work don't feel guilty or that you should be tottering around in heels absolutely not.

Start as you mean to go on.....stand your ground send them some pics and a shopping list!!!!!!

Yes send a visiting rota along with the list of meals you require

Just get dh to send a message saying your not up to visitors and he will let them know when you are, he should be playing bodyguard.