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Original poster

Day out alone whilst ds in nursery

18 replies

Ridersofthestorm · 14/04/2014 13:20

Today I feel like I've been a very bad parent. I took an annual leave day today, my ds is usually in nursery on mondays so I thought I would keep him at nursery so I can have a day to myself. I now feel really gulity, and I find myself really missing him.
I also thought it would be a good idea to get on a train and visit my hometown which is two hours away (I get very homesick). Nobody from my hometown knows I am here either, I just wanted a day to be alone and do my own thing.

I spend all my time (when not in work pt) with my ds, I don't ever get much of a break, my dp works ft. This was meant to be a treat yet I feel incredibly selfish and gulity and I don't know why.

I've seen loads of mums with their little boys out and about today and it just feels weird not having him with me. I should have brought him, I feel like a bad mum, but I really needed a day to myself (I am quite an introverted person who needs my alone time).

Has anyone else done this? or am I just a bad mum

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PoloMintCity · 14/04/2014 13:23

Sounds lovely - ignore the mummy guilt and enjoy!

sybilfaulty · 14/04/2014 13:24

I do this from time to time. Mine are at school now and I only work part time, bit when they were at nursery and I was off work I would sometimes have a day by myself to recharge. Don't feel guilty. Your DS will not know you were not at work as usual. On the journey home, plan to do something nice for him this evening or in the week and enjoy the rest of your day.

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Ridersofthestorm · 14/04/2014 13:34

its just weird, I'm walking round now and its a lovely day he would loved it seeing all the sights with me.

I will certainly be planning a nice day for us both now. I have to remind myself its only a day and he will be oblivious in nursery, he loves it there.

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TinyTear · 14/04/2014 13:42

Enjoy!
Both me and DH work full time and on occasions take a day off while the DD goes to nursery and we go to the cinema for a double bill (don't want to leave her with babysitters)

sybilfaulty · 14/04/2014 13:49

Why don't you plan to bring him back?

It's a very female thing, I think, to feel guilt at doing something for oneself. Your son is being well cared for. He is happy. You deserve to be happy too. I love my children dearly but also enjoy the odd day without them. Doesn't make me (*or you) a bad person. You will enjoy the rest of your time with him all the more.

RiverTam · 14/04/2014 13:49

yes, we've done this a couple of times - once had a day out in the countryside, once went to the cinema. Was lovely.

JacktheLab · 14/04/2014 13:52

I look forward to an occasional day off on my own and invariably at about two pm I start missing my dh and DS

Have a lovely selfish day you will be refreshed and ready to spend time with your DS when you get home again

Original poster

Ridersofthestorm · 14/04/2014 13:55

Thanks for the messages, I feel a little less of a monster now. I'm enjoying being in the museum, ill have to bring him here when I come home again, right now its full of kids (sob).
But god I do feel like we have so much pressure on us as parents to be perfect and to forget we are people once we have children.

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notaflamingclue · 14/04/2014 16:01

Personally I think you need time alone. I certainly dp and have done this - and loved every second. I did miss him a bit, granted but lile a pp said - ignore the guilt. It's pointless, your ds is having a whale of a time in nursery.

Mauricethemagicmonkey · 14/04/2014 17:44

Stop with the mummy guilt!

My DS is at nursery today and I'm at home as I've got a day off. Just remember you are a person, not just a mum, you had your own identity before you had kids. You are allowed some time to yourself, make the most of it and enjoy!

EatDessertFirst · 14/04/2014 20:32

I had this when DS started nursery part-time this year. There are sometimes one or two 'school' days during the week when both DC (DD is in Reception) are out of the house and I'm not working. They are both perfectly happy and its better for him to keep his routine.

I make myself feel less guilty by trying to do at least one useful thing, if not all the chores, so that I can spend quality time with them after school.

evertonmint · 14/04/2014 20:39

On days like this (and I have them frequently as I work freelance but DD is at nursery 2 days year round and DS is at school so I am often free when they're elsewhere), I've learnt to not go anywhere where there are likely to be a lot of children - obviously you can't avoid them, but I choose my lunch restaurants carefully, don't go near parks etc. so that I'm not constantly thinking that DS or DD would like or enjoy this. A day out alone when you're a parent is a wonderful thing to do for yourself, and there is nothing to feel guilty about although I completely understand the guilt because I feel it too (thought not so much now I'm expecting DC3 so know that very soon I won't have a day alone for a long while!).

ElphabaTheGreen · 14/04/2014 20:46

I do this loads! I work full time and DS is at nursery full time so I get zero time to do any housework, batch cooking, staring at the wall etc. I use up a lot of my annual leave looking after him or my mum when they're sick, I might take a week or so of it around Christmas and keep him home with us then, and the rest of it I take to have time to myself, catching up on jobs and trash TV. Am I supposed to feel guilty about that? I don't I do pick him up an hour or two earlier on those days, though, and we do something together, just the two of us, like go to the park or a cafe, which is something else we never get to do otherwise, so he gets the best of both worlds - a day at nursery which he adores followed by one-to-one mummy time.

Jaffakake · 14/04/2014 21:31

We do it all the time! We used to have 'Nandos days' before ds was born, where we'd take the day off work & eat at Nandos & go to the cinema. We still do that now & really enjoy going together to pick him up a bit early.

If I work on a Saturday & get a day off in lieu, I still take ds to nursery then go home & have a lie in, & enjoy doing my own thing.

We've also taken a week off to redecorate.

I don't feel guilty about it, but I'm not the sort of mum who does generally. Although I worked a couple of hours more than normal last week & found I really missed him! I think we all just find our own balance.

ceeveebee · 14/04/2014 21:35

I had a whole week between ending one job and starting another, and didn't take the DCs out of childcare (would have had to pay for it anyway). I had one day shopping in London and met DH for lunch, had my nails and hair done, waxing and eyebrows and one day even went for sushi on my own. I did pick them up early every day so we spent a good 3-4 hours together each day.
Didn't feel guilty as I never usually get any time to myself, and was happier for it!

mumofboyo · 14/04/2014 21:39

I'm doing that this week: 3 full days when both dc are in nursery - as they normally would be - but I'm not working (supply teacher, Easter hols). Heaven! I've been looking forward to it for weeks and have planned on taking my new camera out to different locations and focusing on practicing taking interesting shots with it.

I don't feel at all guilty; the way I see it is that the dc stay in their usual routine of going to nursery and having fun and I get a few days to recharge and do something just for me. I can remind myself of the fact that, not only am I a mother and wife, I'm an individual person with interests and hobbies of my own.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 14/04/2014 22:08

I do this when I can. Keeps me sane. Don't feel guilty!

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Ridersofthestorm · 15/04/2014 08:10

Thanks folks, I did have a lovely day yesterday I needed it. The plan was to catch up with household stuff and then chill out but it was such a nice day, I wanted to get out.
Dp got him from nursery I would be getting back late on the train, he said all he asked for was mummy which did make me feel a bit bad.

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