Sibling jealousy over birthday

[Jollyphonics]

My DSs get on very well and play nicely together (ages 8 and 4).

I've just had a huge row with DS1 due to him moaning about the parcels arriving in the post for DS2's birthday in a couple of weeks. He says it's not fair, reckons I spend more money on DS2 etc etc, all total rubbish of course. I took DS1 into his room and went through with him the many toys I'd bought him at times other than birthday and Christmas, including the wretched Pokemon tins and cards which he had to have because everyone at school had them, and the phase lasted about a week! I called him ungrateful and stormed out.

Anyone else have this problem?

DS1 is generally very sweet and grateful for toys and trips out, but seeing parcels arriving for his brother is making him vile, and I really don't want this to spoil DS2's birthday.

I came down hard on my kids if they did this. I thought it was bratty.

Yes they do this. It's standard sibling behaviour. I give it short shrift but they still bore on about this sort of thing.

I think that going through toys & all the equivalent presents he has had almost validates his behaviour. My approach is like hmc - give them short shrift. I actually don't spend the same on both my kids but that's probably another thread.
I do give the other child a present on their siblings birthday but that is just something that we do in my family not necessarily a way to avoid the issue.

Maybe point out that, as the elder by 4 years, he has had and always will have had four more years of presents from you than his brother?!

It is what siblings do.

I remember the sense of injustice if I ever thought that my db got more dinner than me! I laugh now.

Not at the time.

If you acknowledge that is can be hard to see someone else getting presents when your birthday was a while ago, would that help?

I know how bratty it sounds when they kick off, but How To Talk would suggest doing that, and I have tried it with a successful outcome. Giving the negative emotion a hearing means the child feels heard and can then move on.

Yes, it happens to us (4dds born within 5 yrs of each other). I also give it short shrift.

Our flash points are birthday parties. They get very jealous. And heaven forbid that only ONE of them gets a party bag.

The trend of sending home party bags instead of cakes from the class seriously does my head in....