How do you spend the day with a baby?

[CantCope]

My baby is 10 months old now and I have started spending more time at home because she is mobile and active and therefore its no good trying to lunch out or push her round too much in the pushchair as she wants to be crawling and standing up.

So today we stayed in. But I found the day really frustrating and maddening.

Was wondering what others 'do' in a typical day / week?

I try to intersperse playing with her, with getting on with jobs. But I feel I cant get anything done - its constant supervision, constantly removing her from places I dont want her to be, constantly removing things from her grasp before she eats or otherwise destroys them. Constantly responding to fussing.

Ok I know this is normal behaviour and this sounds like a whinge, but I cant even read in the same room while she plays or go on the computer because she wants to grab what I am doing.

It feels like I want to just go out more to get through the day. She likes chasing and crawling games. But other than that you cant really play 'with' her as such as she plays with objects.

I just feel like I am not a natural at just 'being with' my baby, it feels awkward and frustrating and I dont like these negative feelings.

CC - your last sentence should be the mumsnet quotation of the week! I'm sure lots of people would identify with it.

last sentence of your 9:41 post I mean

enjoy bath/book/wine!

Dunno, I think last sentence of 9:44 is pretty indentifiable too!!

not brave, bored! i also - ahem - forgot to say dd does love the tv! she has two dvds. 'babies love babies' which she'll watch all the way through if i'm lucky (ie cup of tea/paper) and a baby einstein which she also likes. g-o-d-s-e-n-d.

Enjoy your bath and wine.

Hello CC.

I'm a SAHM with a 19mo DS. I've had some long old days with him over the months, so my advice would be;

1. Get out and do something every day with your DD, be it a class as others have suggested, meeting someone for a chat, taking her to a cafe (find somewhere child friendly and don't be embarrassed by her, go with the flow!), to the park - wherever. It'll make you feel less hemmed in and might give her a bit of structure and encourage her to sleep!
2. When you're in the house, make an occasion of everyday things. For example, I used to spend ages looking out of the window with my DS after his lunchtime nap; watching out for planes, birds, squirrels, rain, sun, clouds etc etc. Sounds tedious but he loved it and it kept him occupied for half an hour!
3. When she's asleep in the day, do what you want to do; check your emails, read the paper, whatever.
4. Keep a trinket bag. DS loves nick-nacks so I put together a box of bits and bobs that he used to route around in; empty spice jar lids, a broken coffee-plunger thingy, an old diary - basically any old crap that wasn't dangerous that he could examine to his heart's content. Make a big deal out of getting it from the cupboard, like it's a special pressie or something (!) She'll love it!
5. 'Give' her a kitchen cupboard that's got stuff she can tip out and play with.
6. Have a half-day to yourself every weekend where your other half takes her and you go and do your own thing.

Don't despair. We all have feelings like this! xx.

Leave the house every day - she climbs up on furniture because she is compelled to rather than out of enjoyment. It is reasonable of you to pop her in the buggy and get out for a walk, take her around the supermarket or drive to see a friend.

It is also reasonable to pop her in her cot with some books and toys while you do a job that takes you 5 minutes uninterrupted but never gets finished if you have to keep rescuing her or your ornaments.

Hi cantcope

I felt a lot like this with ds. I remember taking him to the library when he was about 11 months old and he just went along the shelves pulling all the books off the shelf while I went behind and put them back. 15 mins of that was enough as I got exhausted. I think ds was really tired a lot of the time. Does your dd sleep well at night?

Ds really never napped well in the pushchair and certainly never slept there without being pushed around for hours at 10 months old. He really did need a proper sleep at least once a day at home as well as good quality night sleep. When he got that he was much less demanding and bad tempered. Also I was much more able to plan outings as I knew if ds would be awake or not. I did not do scheduled feeding but I definitley encouraged scheduled sleeps , not always very sucessfully but over time it became more predictable. I honestly beliebve that if I had waited for ds to set a pattern I'd still be waiting today. I did try and notice when he got most tired and encouraged him to sleep then. Sometimes this involved some crying though and can understand if you don't want to do that. It will get better with time.

my ds was the same as yours, lazycow - he found it really hard to fall asleep, but he still needed to sleep. It took me ages to work that out .

It used to take a good hour's walk in the pushchair to get him off to sleep, and sometimes I used to drive somewhere in the car in the afternoon just to get him to sleep.

It did improve a lot once he started walking and could tire himself out physically aswell as mentally.

My dd is nearly 1 and I struggle some days with the boredom. She's cruising now some of the time and loves just crawling round - I've found she loves gymboree (expensive but they seem to love it), music classes, swimming and most of all just crawling about in the park. I've just bought her some waterproof dungarees to put over her clothes so she can still crawl about outside even when it is wet. We both prefer company so if I can meet someone else with a baby/toddler I will. I'm going back to work soon because I'm not great at being a SAHM (have 2.7 ds as well) so she'll be at nursery 3 days and we'll both be more stimulated. It gets easier once they start really talking to you and you can go and do soft play/farm parks/walks on the common etc and talk as you go round. Hang in there - you aren't any different to most other mums.

My dd is 14 months and I struggle with boredom many days too. I have signed up for a couple of classes in Autumn, but this Summer has been hard as friends have returned to work so I'm on my own. I used to be able to meet childless friends for lunch, etc but that has become too much work. As has shopping (other than supermarket) and even long walks as dd will not sit in stroller for more than around 20 mins.
I find if we go out, even just to the park for an hour, in the mornings she will have a good sleep and then we do something else in the afternoon. I try and do one "exciting" (for her not me!) thing a day. Sometimes it just gets so frustrating though as walking with her takes hours as she backtracks back and forward, stopping to sit down and inspect things.

When it was just DD (now almost 3) and me I had days of boredom too.
I went to everything going though when she was small baby massage, mother and baby etc.
As she got a bit bigger I went to toddler groups as it gave me adult conversation but her loads of safe play. I also made friends at these groups and still have a good friend from ante natal class so used to have regular trips to see them or have them here.

So glad I am not the only bored mother out there. As a new mother of a 6 month old thought I might be a bad mother for being so bored all the time when others you meet all claim to love it so much and enjoy it. Glad to hear I am not alone in this.I am new to Mumsnet are we allowed to ask where people get stuff? An earlier posting on this topic said someone had waterproof overalls for baby to crawl round park in. Where can I get some from?

I saw some of those baby waterproof overalls in Millets the other day. They were a sort of pac a mac but went down to 6 months old.

Don't know if you have one near you or not

At the time, you feel that you are the only new mother doing everthing wrong, and that everyone elses life/children is perfect!!!!
I have found out that some mothers aren't completely honest about everything, and paint their children in a far more angelic way than they really are.
I felt really desperate at times, and I had big ideas of being the perfect mother.
10 months + is difficult....and I never had ME-TIME!!!!! I felt like I was dissapearing and I had lost my identity. I was DS mother and nothing else.
All I can say is focus on the positives because it does get better and you are a good mother.

I cant really let my dd crawl around outside, although I absolutely love the idea, as she puts EVERYTHING in her mouth - grass, mud, stones, sand, and it turns into a huge 'No-Fest' iykwim

Annoyingly dd seems to have changed her napping pattern so that she naps late morning and late afternoon now. Annoying because thats when 'things' that are going on - like groups, meeting up at friends houses for coffee. I cant time her naps though - it is totally random, eg sometimes I will walk for 45 mins with the pushchair and she wont drop off to sleep, but will get totally past herself 30 mins later when we go out to do something.

Thats babies I guess.

Don't fight it. Go with it or you'll go mad. Forget the computer and reading (!!!!!!). Playgroups give you headspace while they play. Ditto softplay, swimming classes, playgrounds, parks, going to friends' houses, etc etc and when she gets tired, shove her in the pushchair and run for the nearest cafe (the run, will, hopefully, send her to sleep) and have a coffee and read a magazine.

Oh, and forget ironing. Clothes only get creased again anyway. Ditto 90% of housework. Liberate your inner slattern.

cantcope, some excellent advice on here. it' a case of getting used to doing everyday things with another little person beside you all the time. it just takes time. have you a gym with a creche near you? I put dd and then ds in ours at leasst 3 mornings a week - bliss (and they loved it too)

Take care - things do get better, honestly!

Aaaah! The no-fest! I used to do this all the time. ALL the time. Then I read something in The Social Toddler (top book, BTW, if you ever get time to read anything ever again!) along the lines of: ask yourself does it matter before you say no. I don't get it right every time, but it dawned on me that if DS ate grass, what was the worse that could happen? It'll come out one way or anther. Now, I draw the line at him eating dog/cat/any kind of shit, but otherwise, I just leave him to it. He has eventually realised that he doesn't like grass, or soil, or sand. But is still very keen on water from the watering can. He's still inclined to mouth stuff at 14 months, and I've heard that this will continue for some time to come. So I think what I'm saying, in a very boring and convoluted way, is don't worry about her crawling outside and sampling en route. It'll probably help build up her immunity!

there is some excellent advice on here

and very much appreciated that others have taken the time to respond with empathy and humanity and humour too

I just needed another moan as had another rather frustrating day

I try and get out every afternoon, rain or shine. Even going to the supermarket or a potter round the shops is good. Now she can walk we go up and down the building lift (buttons to press, doors that open, fabulous fun ), and walk very slowly around the block. We had our first puddlejump today as I bought her first wellies yesterday and it was surprisingly liberating. Looking forward to rolling in the leaves in a month or two.
She has a sleep at the same time everyday and once she looks tired, she has a story, a drink and a cuddle and is put down. Makes the day so much more bearable to have an hour or two I know is my own.
I only do the very basic cleaning during the day and I prefer things she can help me with. She loves pulling the clothes out of the washing machine and starting it off and she is starting to put them in now. A wet cloth each and she copies mummy wiping the floor. It takes longer but its something to do together, things get done and hopefully I will end up with a free cleaner in a few years .
One thing that has saved my sanity completely is to baby proof an area or room. I chose the spare room and put a box of assorted interesting, babysafe junk in there. She now gives me an hour to myself investigating the box while I read on the bed. I know she is safe and can tune out the bangs and crashes .
kneebouncers.com is a great site for her to get her computer fix too!
You are certainly not alone!

I have a 'fession.
In the garden, I accepted that my baby was going to eat grass, mud and worms. Some just do. My friend always makes me laugh by telling me a story about her baby girl wandering back in with half a worm dangling out of her mouth.
I think (only now.... ha ha!!) that you have to let go of the idealistic vision of a gurgling baby in head to toe pristine whites playing demurely with some building blocks on a rug. Oh no no no!!! Today I was ooop north at my parents and common phrases today were..
"can you take your foot out of that slime filled hole please?"
"ugh! no playing in the grate (down pipe). Dirty! Yuk!"
Is there a chance you could drink out of your cup rather than the birdbath?"
Also, had I have been able to verbalise my displeasure at the time, I would have asked him not to grind two handfuls of mud into my hair as I bent over to show him a frog.
Oh well.
I fought the acceptance of the inevitable too by the way. Eventually you realise you can't fight it, you just have to go with it.... unless you do want to go mad of course

Loving this thread. Had to check the OP to make sure I hadn't posted it then forgotten.

My dd is 10 months today and I get so bored sometimes even though she is brilliantfantastic and I love her to bits. I like spending time chasing her and tickling her, but I need some time every now and again to read the paper or cook or something, so I have a three stage test:

Stage 1. Is it immediately life threatening eg licking plug socket? If Yes, then stop her. If No, then go on to Stage 2.

Stage 2: Is it going to piss me off when I have to clear it up afterwards eg tipping the plant pot over? If Yes, then stop her. If No, then go on to Stage 3.

Stage 3. Let her get on with it then.

Works for me.