How do you spend the day with a baby?

[CantCope]

My baby is 10 months old now and I have started spending more time at home because she is mobile and active and therefore its no good trying to lunch out or push her round too much in the pushchair as she wants to be crawling and standing up.

So today we stayed in. But I found the day really frustrating and maddening.

Was wondering what others 'do' in a typical day / week?

I try to intersperse playing with her, with getting on with jobs. But I feel I cant get anything done - its constant supervision, constantly removing her from places I dont want her to be, constantly removing things from her grasp before she eats or otherwise destroys them. Constantly responding to fussing.

Ok I know this is normal behaviour and this sounds like a whinge, but I cant even read in the same room while she plays or go on the computer because she wants to grab what I am doing.

It feels like I want to just go out more to get through the day. She likes chasing and crawling games. But other than that you cant really play 'with' her as such as she plays with objects.

I just feel like I am not a natural at just 'being with' my baby, it feels awkward and frustrating and I dont like these negative feelings.

Message withdrawn

go swimming or to a soft play area. Would you consider a baby cage( not the best terminolgy

Hi Cantcope. I'm sorry I don't have good advice, I'm still pregnant and I haven't had a child before. I don't have any answers for you apart from the fact it is good you realise you aren't happy with the situation and you want to make it better. You will get advice if you just hang on a few mins. I'm also curious as to what Moms do with babies all day, it does seem as though there is a lot of running around and not always that much FUN. Even a bit of babysitting showed me that. Hang in there.

I try and do three or so activities a week - playgroup, swimming, rhythmtime/sing & sign. Anything that doesn't object to having babies crawling around. That's in the morning. Then in the afternoon, he's happier to potter around while I tidy up/clean/cook/have a play with him. I also made a couple of cupboards available for him to play in, and vary the contents every now and again. That helps a bit when I want to do stuff in the kitchen. TBH, I think that the crawling time was the worst stage. Now that DS is walking, we can go around to the park in the afternoon and he burns off some of his seemingly endless energy.

I really wouldn't worry about the negative feelings - I think they're the part of motherhood that nobody tells you about until you've had the baby, and then you discover that everybody gets them!

I felt (and feel) exactly the same some days (my ds is 16mths). What has helped me is trying to go to organised classes or going to visit a friend with a similar aged baby. We started Sing and Sign at around your dd's age, and ds loved it. What you really need is to get out of the house, but into an environment which allows some freedom for your dd to explore. Whereabouts do you live? Do you have any children's museums nearby? Library sing/story times?

agree it's a really difficult phase.

ds is nearly 2 now and much more fun to be with than he was at that age. My only solution was having a full schedule of activities for the week. We'd literally have a different music group or baby group or NCT coffee morning every day. It was exhausting, but less so than staying in.

I've just realised I've done much less this summer holiday than last year (when all those groups stop for the school holidays), but I've had a much more enjoyable time. Just walking to the park is enough entertainment for him now.

Is there anywhere you can have lunch and let her crawl around a bit? Such as a drop-in family centre or somewhere? If you need to do shopping or whatever, is there somewhere you can go for a bit so that she can have a break from the pushchair? It sounds as if it would help you to get out and if you build something in for her then hopefully she would enjoy it too.

Hi. I know exactly what you are going through and I am sure that loads of other MNs do too. Please don't feel bad about your frustration. My favourite things to do have always been to read and watch films and obviously with a toddler this is impossible - leading to much frustration!!

10 months really is an awkward time because interaction and game playing isn't that easy. I did things that I knew would make my DD laugh like building up bricks and letting her knock them down or knocking them down for her or reading books to her while doing funny voices and faces.

I found that at this age their attention span is very short and therefore they might not necessarily want constant interaction and need some time just to explore and play by themselves (obviously with supervision!)

I always remember a girl at work saying to me that babies are quite boring until you are due to go back to work after maternity leave and then they start to develop and be more fun. I thought it was an awful thing to say at the time but I now know that it can be true at times.

My advice would be not to force yourself to stay in the house. Go out and do the things you enjoy. You can take toys etc with you to stimulate your baby and you could even go to some indoor soft play type places where your little one can play without the constant danger of pulling computer wires, plug sockets etc etc!

Once again, you are not alone in the way you feel - get out and about and have fun because your baby will pick up on your happiness and enjoy the experience more.

Let me know what you think.

AndyJ

Message withdrawn

Sometimes you just want to scream, don't you?
I have found, by far, the best tactic for me is to generally avoid the things that get on my nerves i.e. at the same developmental age, I didn't go on the computer when he was awake, I removed most things from his reach, etc etc.
I found that there was little point in trying to do things in spite of.... it ended up with me frustrated, him frustrated and everyone in a bad mood.
If you want to do jobs in the kitchen take her in there and give her a bowl full of "safe" things to play with - pans, wooden spoons, colanders etc.
Generally speaking, I organise all the "dangerous" jobs (e.g. ironing) for when DS is asleep. That way I don't have to tell him off for pulling on the cable.
Whilst I accept that he won't learn whilst I am employing all these avoidance tactics, I am confident he will learn more when he can understand better (stands to reason) and I am a calmer mum in the meantime.
Going out for lunch is still ok... so long as it is lunch, then leave. I just found accepting at this age is by far the most effective way!

I've been meeting up with friends with other babies once or twice in each others houses which suits baby and me I think.

I did used to go to a couple of groups as well but I cut down on activities because it was all feeling too 'busy' and with no time for dd to just explore and play in her own space. I think I will try to get back into the music/signing group but I guess it will be off during the hols.

I feel bad because I shouted at her today because I was trying to clean a pooey nappy in the loo and she was trying to grab it and poo was going to go on her hands and everywhere and she cried when I shouted, and then I felt awful, but it was the sheer frustration.

It helps to know that others have found this 'stage' frustrating and a bit boring too. Maybe I do need to programme something in for every day and find out what is going on that would suit someone her age - I certainly did this in the early months as I needed the company for myself otherwise I would have gone mad.

It is helping me. Thanks for the replies.

I have removed everything I can from reach as I want to avoid saying 'no' all the time, but there are no more places for the 'no' things that are left and need to be within reach.

Like the cat. and the phone. and the tv. and some shoes.

I will look into soft play, and arrange with friends to take the babies swimming more often.

My other frustration is that dd has never really got into a routine. That makes me feel like quite a failure as a mother. I never wanted to push a routine and anything which involves crying to sleep train was and is out. And dd does not find it easy to get or stay asleep. Consequently her morning nap can be anything between 9am and 11am and her afternoon nap might not happen or it might at some point depending.

I think she spends about forty percent of her awake time tired, but unable to go to sleep. This makes me feel bad like I should have done something earlier. It probably affects my own mood every day too.

Agree with Squarer here.

My ds is 10 months & I'm behind him all day. He's into everything & I've had to reorganise abit for safety. I get no real jobs done in the day & have to get everything sorted when he goes to bed after 9pm!! (should be ironing but I'm here )I just go with it as soon it will be something else. Best wishes xxx

Does she fall asleep in the pushchair CC? If my dd is tired I will sometimes go out specifically to get her off to sleep. It might enable you to fit in lunch or a coffee or shopping etc!

i have same problem - esp now summer hols are here and all classes have stopped until september. dd's redeeming feature is she loves looking at other babies and children so if inspiration/funds fail i just hang out at the library. she crawls around and there's almost always another baby there. she also enjoys pulling books out of the bins (i do pick them up again, honest). today, weirdly, she really enjoyed ikea (i know ?! me and dh hate the place) as full of other kids she was saucer eyed! not that i'd recommend ikea unless you really have to go but my point is she's happy in her buggy if there is lots to look at. local park - again watches the other kids while she sits in a swing (she's not fussed by swings themselves). friends with babies (tho they do poke each other in the eye a lot). i also let her crawl around floor of cafes and places. she gets filthy but loves it so what the hell... All i know is a day indoors drives us both a bit cabin fever-y! good luck!

Should we start an ironing-avoidance club Milward?
I do truly understand about the unavoidable unavoidable things CC. I have a dog who has had 2 eye operations since DS got active. I am just blessed with the most tolerant dog ever, and patience on all parts is just starting to pay off as I can now say "ohhhh, not nice! Love Ozzy" and the dog gets a hug and a (rather generous) pat.
If it is any consolation, my DS did not sleep int he day AT ALL unless in the pushchair when walking the dog until after I did controlled crying at night. After that he started napping in the day.... aged 14 months. So, sorry, but you can't have the mummy failure cup as my name has been engraved on it now, and it is only up for grabs in 6 months time. Sorry!

she used to fall asleep in the pushchair but for some reason now it takes ages (prob because she enjoys looking round) and I would have to walk for an hour or more. this puts me off going out plus there arent nice places within walking distance just our housing estate.

hey good for you just letting your dd crawl around cafes and library - you are braver than me - my dd would eat all the books, crawl out the cafe door, trip up people with trays of hot drinks etc

you all sound so upbeat and positive and full of suggestions - I feel ashamed now of my negativity

I know I do iron etc after she is in bed because so impossible, but its hard to get a meal cooked even isnt it?

Hi CC. My ds is 10 months too and you have described me and my ds perfectly. I could have written your post myself, right down to not liking the negative feelings. I always wanted to be this ace, wonderful mum who never got frustrated with her baby, but I'm not. I'm also finding it harder at the moment cos alot of the stuff I do with ds is shut over the summer hols.

I spend my day chasing him (or having him chase me lol), removing, redirecting, blocking him, hovering behind him so he doesn't smack his head on the hard floor when he falls backwards after standing up. If I want to get anything done it has to be when he's asleep or i stick him in his activity centre thing. On top of it all he is teething and being very clingy too, poor little fella. There just seems to be is no ME time atm. That sounds really selfish reading it back

Sorry I haven't really got any advice but if it's any consolation it seems you are not alone and it's actually normal to feel like this, but that it should get better.

lol squarer at the 'mummy failure cup' with your name engraved on it

ironing sucks doesnt it? before dd we only used to iron on a need-to-wear-basis. there was a room with a huge pile of unironed clothes and a permanent ironing board and iron. then dd needed a bedroom and the clothes had to be put away - we found we needed more drawers too. now I iron begrudgingly.

Ah yes, the meal thing. It was all I could do to get a sandwich together sometimes when mine were small. Meeting friends for lunch is good, as one can prepare the lunch and one can watch the children!

PS I don't iron

Don't feel ashamed of your negativity! See CorrieDales post "I really wouldn't worry about the negative feelings - I think they're the part of motherhood that nobody tells you about until you've had the baby, and then you discover that everybody gets them!"
Try and find places that are specifically for babies rather than crawling round cafes. Have you got Surestart in your area? They do specific baby things usually.
And as for meals.... this is a great time to find out some great one-pot cooking recipes. I mastered one handed beef curry (onions, beef, pataks paste and tomatoes) when DS was around 1 month old and possible lived on it for a good while too. (I have a more advanced repertoire now by the way!!!)

hey shy, I know, what the hell is 'me' time - dh asked me just now what I could do to relax, and I barked 'I dont even know anymore'

I was going to be the perfect mother too. I mean how many times did you observe people with kids and think smugly 'no, no, no I would have been much nicer / handled that much better', having absolutely not a clue really

actually I am going to go have a bath and read a book for half an hour with some wine

messages on here tonight very much appreciated - feel like just a normal mum now with a normal baby, rather than crap-mum-of-most-frustrating-baby-ever