Downstairs neighbours baby cries so much I' m starting to worry

[whataboutbob]

He' s about 15 months old. Often seems to cry inconsolably. Only child,parents work shifts and alternate looking after him so must be tired themselves. I 've noticed they never seem to take him out and my suspicion is he is severely bored. I have thought of contacting the local health visitors. Or alternatively, telling the mum about local toddler groups. WWYD?

If you did contact social services and the parents were doing things right social services would go and see them and then close the case.

Children and babies don't cry for no reason, yes possibly the child has sn that you don't know about that are the reason he cries so much but if you don't ask you won't know.

I don't think OP is being nasty. Bloody hell if more people 'stuck their noses in' maybe less kids would be neglected/harmed.

Op do you speak to them much? Maybe try to? I sympathise. I live next door to a family who really I get a bad but feeling about and there hAve been incidents which I won't go in to now but concern me. I grappling with what to go too.

You could phone Nspcc for advice. They may have suggestions and be able to put your mind at rest.

To be honest if I had a noisy toddler and immediate neighbours I'd be knocking on the doors to apologise (actually did this in advance of sleep training my baby). But not everyone's like me I guess.

If it's bad for you, it'll be worse for them. Maybe they would really appreciate you knocking on the door to offer support. Maybe they'd really not appreciate it! Only one way to find out though.

It sounds like your heart is in the right place, their lives sound very hard. If it were me, I'd offer babysitting or a friendly cup of tea, perhaps the parents are a bit depressed - doesn't sound as though they're overburdened with family help. Remember too, for parents, there's nothing worse than listening to a child cry/scream. It's horrible for you, but it's much worse for them.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Contacting the NSPCC for guidance is a really good idea, I hadn't thought of that.
I'm taking some time off work from next week so I'll aim to speak to the mum and mention local groups etc.
The baby's crying is sometimes more like grizzling, at other times it's quite prolonged full on crying.
Yes I do have kids, they are bigger now and go to school.The 1st one cried whenever I put him down for the 1st 3 months, although by 15 months he wasn't crying like that anymore.

My youngest screamed from leaving my body till he was past 3 and if someone knocked in my door suggesting groups they would have got told where to go in no uncertain terms.

You do not have the right to suggest anything.. but by all means mention all the screaming if it's bugging you but for christ sake don't offer advice on what you think they should be doing.

I bloody hate baby groups. Babies couldn't give a shit if they are having a 'shared experience' with other babies so why the hell it's deemed good parenting to endure the bloody things is beyond me.

That's not to say I don't think it's important to get out and about with them but it annoys me when baby groups are considered a necessary part of a baby's social life.

I didn't do baby groups either.. I would rather grate my face off.

I find it really depressing that you would
Contact the nspcc before actually attempting to get to know your neighbours

What a bleak indictment of society

Agree it is pretty patronising to go wading in with ideas on groups - first step would be to be a nice neighbour and just check how the parents are coping, say you like kids an would be happy to have them over for a cuppa with the toddler etc

I think someone with a 15 month old knows what baby groups are

Yeah I also think calling the Nspcc first instead of reaching out is sad, that's not community, or helping, it's judgment and covering your conscience - sometimes it's warranted if you have more serious concerns but as a first port of call I hope they advise you to offer help or ignore

Children who are ignored learn VERY quickly that crying is pointless, and they become very quiet, not louder.

If your ndn child is crying its because it results in his needs, whatever they may be, DO get met. If they didn't he'd have given up crying by 15 months. It's basic child psychology.

BTW the NSPCC know this 'Miles is a quiet baby...'

"I 've noticed they never seem to take him out and my suspicion is he is severely bored."

Hahahaa at a 15 month old being 'severely bored'. At that age, even a door opening and closing is interesting - they're learning about everything around them.

I disagree lougle. My ds has always had a low boredom, high energy threshold. He too becomes very unhappy/ destructive if not given a chance to get out of the house. Yes, even at 15 months.

I think the OP's heart is in the right place and it's entirely right to keep an eye on the situation - if more people did, then perhaps the awful things we hear in the news wouldn't happen.

But I agree that a better way of doing that is to get to know your neighbours, talk to them. If they work hard, separately, their lives must be quite a long, hard slog. Perhaps they don't have much money and when the weather's bad it's hard to do things that don't cost money (ball park, swimming etc). Or maybe they're knackered and can't summon the energy to go out when they get home from work. I know that feeling, and I have a good job that I enjoy doing.

I would just say hi and ask the mum in for a coffee. I wouldn't offer babysitting I would be puzzled and slightly concerned if a stranger offered to look after my baby.

Coola, just for info, children whose needs are met inconsistently are often very vocal and loud, as this sometimes works. So a noisy child isn't necessarily a needs met child - inconsistency in parenting is actually more damaging in many ways as very neglected children learn survival skills the inconsistently parented child does not.

Some children are just loud ( my 15 month old foster baby)is like as screamy foghorn!

My 2yo and 4yo squabble, screech and scream constantly at the moment. DS had a major hour long screaming fit tantrum earlier today.

I would hope my neighbours have more sense than to call police and ss.

I can't help it. He screamed for over an hour in an ear drum bursting way because I wouldn't let him have chocolate for lunch.

Clearly I need arresting

If you don't have children, you'd be surprised how much very small children scream. For them its life or death whether they get their own way or not.

And worst times of day are early morning and late afternoon/dinner/bedtime. So if those are the only times you're home, you will mostly hear wailing.

My 4YO DD has started saying things like "you're not my mummy" in shops, when I won't buy her things. It's very embarrassing and I have been accosted by concerned John Lewis staff once.

It's mortifying to think that others believe I am torturing my children.

In fact they are torturing me!