I feel like such a bad mom.

[Writerwannabe83]

I have a 19 day old baby and I'm sat here here in absolute tears because of how awful I feel.

Last week he started showing signs of colic, screaming for 2-3 hours throughout the night, seeming to be in pain and absolutely nothing would settle him. I ended up in tears every time because I can't bear to see him so distressed. We started using Infacol and things seemed to get better.

However, things have taken a step backwards tonight and he has been crying for over 3 hours. I have tried everything to make him feel better and nothing works. I can't stop crying, I can't bear to see him like it.

My DH took him out in the car 5 minutes ago in a desperate attempt to try and soothe him and I am an absolute mess, sat at home on my own. I miss my baby and can't help worry that he's scared being in the car on his own. My DH told me to try and get some sleep but how can I when all I want is to be with my baby and comfort him.

I feel distraught and can't stop crying - I feel like such a rubbish mom and that I've sent him away. I feel selfish for letting my DH do it - I just can't bear to think of my little baby strapped into a car seat, in the dark night and wondering where his mom is and crying for me and wondering why I'm not there for him.

I just can't cope.
I hate not being able to help him.
He looks absolutely shattered, completely exhausted and it's breaking my heart.

My second son was like this from day 14. It went on for far too long until someone told me to google silent reflux. He was diagnosed with a severe case of it at four months and we never looked back. Have a look and see if the symptoms fit. They should never be lying flat - even for nappy changes - always propped up. He spent lots of time in a sling. Sorry you're going through it but rest assured that it's nothing you're doing wrong.

Firstly you are not a bad mum!! And secondly congrats on your baby!!

Colic is awful but it is normal and my biggest advice is calm down, have a cuppa if you are b/f and a wine if not, a hot bath and please try and relax!

Half of what babies cry about is picking up on the stress from mum. If you are b/f and getting stressed by the colic etc (which is natural and normal) then your body releases hormones which go straight into your milk and as a consequence baby becomes stressed.

You will be doing a great job I am sure!!! If infacol isn't working send your hubby to the nearest 24hr supermarket for colief and gripe water and give them a try (meant to be a month old for gripe water but won't harm). And if all else fails ring the out of hours gp

Hope you are ok and sending hugs and a hand to hold xx

1. You are NOT a rubbish Mum
2. A lot of babies like the motion of the car and will go off to sleep - parents have been doing this for decades (I know my parents did with my brother and he's 52)
3. It's exhausting to have a baby scream like that for some hours at a time, and emotionally draining. We ALL ended up in tears at that time.
4. Your dh is right - if you could get off to sleep, it would really help you. You are exhausted, and some sleep would begin to help that.
5. Speak to your HV in the morning.
6. Tomorrow, phone a friend or relative, and see if they will come and take your baby out for an hour or two while you get some sleep, when he's not in screaming mode and you will sleep easier.

I'd agree about the picking up on stress - it's a bit of a cycle -the more they cry, the more upsetting it is, and then the less comfortable they feel sometimes. My FiL would come over occasionally and ds would stop crying almost instantly - it was frustrating and a bit upsetting, but I think it probably was that I'd got into a cycle of tension, knowing this was the start of the evening scream.
Infacol did help my ds a lot though.

Oh sweetheart if only there was more mums like u out there my dd 15 months keeps being sick tonight and really upset all i want to do is help her shes sleeping on me tonight i dont need sleep anyway my point is ur a good mummy who will do anything for ur baby btw its normal to get pissed if asweal

You are a great Mum - you obviously love your little one very much and your wee angel will know that you are there for him. I totally understand how you feel and have felt all those things too. It's so very difficult and heartbreaking when you can't soothe and calm your baby and knowing that nothing will calm him doesn't help. I feel that even if he is crying and inconsolable, I should be the one holding him and it's worse when others try to help. Just know that you are not alone and you ARE doing a great job of loving and caring for your baby.

I hope you and he got some sleep and lovely cuddles this morning.

Thanks everyone for your support and advice.

DH returned with DS about 20 minutes after he left and DS was fast asleep - he was then put in his Moses Basket where he stayed asleep.

I didn't sleep very well though because I was still upset and wound up. I'm exhausted and have cried 3 times already this morning.

My mom is currently staying with me for a few days so after I had fed DS this morning my DH took him downstairs and handed him to my mom so I could try and get some sleep. I've tried really hard to fall asleep but I just can't, as tired as I am, my brain won't switch off.

I love my DS very much but I'm not sure I can cope with all the sleepless nights and the screaming

I hope you got some sleep and your DH managed to settle your little one for a while. I think most mothers would sympathise with your situation - it's heartbreaking, but the fact you feel like this makes you an awesome Mum! Just remember, it will pass and a few years on you will hardly remember it. Do google silent reflux as it is often the cause, but also do remember babies really do pick up on stress, so try to calm yourself and I am sure that will help too. Keep posting as there are lots of ladies here more than happy to help, even if it just helps you to know its all normal and part of the process and don't feel guilty about DH taking over - he is as much the parent as you are.

Please try and relax writer you really are doing a very good job!!

Let people help you so you can catch up on sleep because it really will make you feel better. also speak tonyour health visitor as they will have detailing rl support groups. I found them invaluable in the early days, even if it was just a case of being able to see how bloody shattered everyone else looked!

My HV gave me a booklet which details all the support groups that go on in my area so I'll have a look through that. Problem is that I can't drive for another 3 weeks (post CS) so I'm a bit housebound. Cabin Fever probably isn't helping my mood.

No it definitely won't help! Can you ask a friend or relative to drive you or maybe get a taxi? Also chat to your GP or hv as the rules aren't set in stone over driving, according to mine it was down to hoe well you were healing and how you felt in yourself so they may ok you to drive if you are ok!

If you are breastfeeding then see if there are any support workers who can come and see you at home (even if you aren't struggling with it) as it will give you a different person to chat to!

Hope you got some time to relax today and that you start to feel better soon! But please ask for help when you need it, even if it's just here fir reassurance!

Thanks wheres - I finally got outside tonight as when DH came home from work we took DS out for his first walk in his pram. Admittedly I couldn't go very far and my CS scar is very sore but I'm so glad we did it. It felt wonderful just to be outside.

DS has been an absolute dream tonight, feeding and sleeping perfectly. Not one single scream or period of upset. I'm feeling like less of a bad mom tonight.....especially whilst enduring a painful breast feed due to a cracked nipple

Oh bless, you are really going through a tough timd aren't you! I can really sympathise having had 3 sections each followed by bleeding nipples! Dc3 is 6 weeks now though and I can't tell you how much better I feel. It feels never ending but it WILL pass.

1. You are a wonderful mum doing your absolute best.
2. Let your dh and mum help as mych as they can, they love your baby too so you are not abandoning him! Car drives, walks in pram etc all good. My dh often wears our baby in a stretchy sling (kari me) if she won't settle. Can you leave LO with dh downstairs for 2 or 3 hours in the evening while you sleep? I do this once I have cluster fed up till 10pm, then dh takes over till 1am. It makes the rest of the night more bearable.
3. Go outside at least once a day. You will feel much better.
4. Crying lots and having trouble sleeping could indicate pnd? Tell your hv or gp how you are feeling.
5. I drove 4 weeks post c section having oked with insurance and doctor. The 6 week thing is a bit of a myth.

Oh if nipples are really bad could you express some feeds to give them a break?

To help healing... lansinoh cream after every feed (10 quid Boots or Amazon or free on prescription). Also get some jelonet dressing (ask pharmacist) this is moist dressing for burns. Cut into small squares and apply over lansinoh.

I also heartily recommend Avent nipple shields which I used for months successfully. I was warned that my supply would drop but it didn't.

I know from other threads that you sre committed to bf but it's not compulsory, babies thrive on formula too if you need a break.

Thanks fruit - when my nipple crack appeared yesterday morning I dug out my pump in preparation for having to express but thankfully if I get DS at just the right angle, him feeding on it isn't as bad as I anticipated! I'm absolutely smothering my nipples in Lanisoh, it's amazing stuff! I'm trying not to think of the cost as I'm ordering tube after tube of it, but to be honest I'd probably pay £50 a tube to ensure my nipples are in tact

My midwife recommended nipple shields to me last week when I was having some latch problems. Thankfully the latch issues resolved but trying shields is definitely something I'm open to trying if my nipples do get very sore. I think they're quite uncomfortable at the moment as over the last few days DS has been cluster feeding for hours on end and my poor nipples just didn't get any respite. His feeding pattern seemed to normalise/regulate again yesterday though do hopefully as my nipples get longer breaks between feeds the soreness will ease and the crack will heal

Tell your gp about needing the lansinoh and you should be able to get s prescription for it (you might need to spell it for less informed doctors!). Jelonet is 70p a sheet in my local chemust. Multi mam compresses are also good.

Thanks for the tip about the Jelonet - I'm currently just using standard breast pads to cushion the nipple as having just s bra against them is pretty uncomfortable.

The crack looks slightly bigger now and it stings when he feeds off that side - when he initially latches and sucks I feel like swearing out loud!! I grit my teeth and bare it though as I'm pretty sure engorgement and mastitis would be much worse!