At what age is it safe to let your child play out - unsupervised and out of your sight?

[pinkpyjamas]

I know each child is individual, but at what age did you let your child play out? I don't mean in the same street, but as in playing in the local area but out of your sight? My neighbour lets her three year old DS out of the street with her seven year old DD looking after him. This worries me, but maybe I'm too over-protective?

My dd is 8 and is only allowed to play in the garden - we live in a village but most of the children here of my dd's age live on a new estate which is quite a distance away from us, so she either goes to them to play (in their gardens!) or here (in our garden!).

My friend though lets her 8yr old out with her 10yr old and lets them wander all over the village, to the shop etc etc.

My dd also went to a school friend's house the first time a few weeks ago and the parents let them go out to the park (about 150 yds from the girl's house but out of sight) unsupervised. They thought it was ok because they have walkie talkies to keep in touch - dh & I were livid when we found out.

They shouldn't have done that without your permission Fimbo. Its wrong to assume that your children are allowed to do the same things as theirs! [cross]

My 3 year old plays out the front with our 7 year old neighbour. I think it is perfectly safe - we are lucky we live on a very quiet street, and there is plenty of grass and driveway for them to play on, so they are not right next to the road.

This subject always brings strong views when it comes up - could those of you who would not let your children out until they were a lot older, describe what dangers you are protecting them from please? It always interests me to hear other people's reasoning.

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We live on a fairly busy road and so I would let my children play in the front garden (gated) but not out on the paths. I wouldn't let them play there unsupervised though - am generally out there too pottering about.

I would not be comfortable letting a three year old out of my sight outside to be honest.

Just to clarify that I was wondering what age you all consider it safe to let your children play out of your sight ie: go to the local park alone, or out of your street. Thanks.

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Most of the other kids at my son's village primary get out to play on their own from around the age of 4-5 as they live in new houses in an estate with a playpark in the middle. We live up a small lane - about 100 yards away (no pavement) so ds dos not get to the park on his own yet. But it will happen soon. (He is 6.5)

I'm not sure there is a specific age per se - depends on the child, parents, area, etc... Would definitely say 3 is far too young.

The thing is they are children and we are meant to look after them.
Its like most things isn't it? We seem to think bad things won't happen to us, but we couldn't live with ourselves if it did. Although most people buy lottery tickets thinking "it could be me"!!
As I've already said I think I'll have a few battles with my dd when the time comes! My parents were actually not too bad, I wasn't alllowed out on my own as soon as I left my front door until wee into my teens.
However they would drive me anywhere and leave me then come and pick me up later, I think it worked quite well, I felt safe yet independant.
My dad was still giving me a lift to/from nightclubs into my twenties!!
They didn't think cabs were safe, my friends loved a free and safe taxi!!

In a word F&Z - cars.
Wouldn't let my nearly 3 year old out of my sight outside the garden because of this - there is no way he has any traffic sense at all.

My nearly 5 yr old is pretty good. I could envisage letting him play on the street in maybe a couple of years time.

My dd is nearly 11, she is now allowed to go around town with a friend - a mobile phone and a parent tailing her at a good distance I know that the majority of her class mates are allowed out and about on their own - many of them after dark too.

I am frankly horrified by this and luckily dd has shown no interest yet - but I know the day is coming when it will have to happen

I think 3 is far too young to be out of the garden, never mind the implications of expecting a 7yo to be responsible for a small child.

My nearly 9yo dd struggles with my petite 2yo if she decides to do something she shouldn't and dd2 steps in!

We don't have a road where you could let them out, it's an old (200 years) terrace of cottages, very narrow one way with almost no pavement often used as a cut through by idiots going the wrong way. So not arisen yet for us. I do wonder though, as Sam has Sn ansd needs extra supervision, but it seems unfair to let his brother (just 13 montsh younger) out before him, yet equally unfair to prevent him because of DS1

9 or 11, I think I'll just play it by ear, when I 'feel' they're ready for it then i'' let them go (watched behind bushes I suspect LOL)

I think it's never really safe and you will feel unhappy/uncomfortable about it at times however old they are.

Dd is nearly 6. I am feeling a lot more relaxed about the whole thing these days. I don't mind letting her out of my sight etc but if I do offer her more freedom, she generally rejects it (which TBH I am a bit relieved about). I would in theory let her go around the corner to buy milk (no street crossing involved, she's known in the area) but not to the playground on her own.

Here (Germany) at age 8, children can attend bicycle / traffic classes and if they pass the final test, they're permitted to ride to school. I think these days I'd find it ok for her to go to school alone at 8 but not on a bike. It's about 30 minutes to walk and we live in the centre of Berlin, plenty of traffic and some big streets to cross but I think she'd manage in a couple of years.

It's so dependent where you live as has ben said many a time.

However, reading through some of the threads that say things like, 'when they're 12' I find it quite sad. Yes, we read things in the paper that make us aware of the dangers, but can you imagine being a 12 year old and not allowed out to play unsupervised? I'm not talking about the embarrassment to that child although that's an issue, I'm talking about what that says about how many dangers are out there, and about how he/she is not trusted.

We moved house recently and my 7 1/2 year old and 5 1/2 year old both go out and play on their own. They couldn't do that where we used to live as there were no children near by and it was a really busy road. To see how their lives have changed is wonderful. They just run off to play with the other children and I do believe it's so good for them, even the 5 year old. Obviously I wouldn't let a 5 year old wander the streets on his own, but he's with a group and it's done wonders for his independence and confidence (a clingy child).

It's the way things used to be and the way things should be.

Scotchick, I find it sad too. I remember catching a train with friends when I was 11 or 12 to go into a town 25 mins train ride away for the day to go shopping and to the cinema, and we didn't have mobile phones. Was the world really any less safe then (20 odd years ago)? My neighbour's 12 year old is allowed to meet friends on the nearby field to play football - I think he needs that bit of independence, and he has to tell his parents where he is and who he's with, and they agree when he'll be back.

I don't see how we can expect our children to grow into responsible, sensible adults if they aren't allowed any responsibility for themselves - isn't part of that growth into adulthood a bit of us having to force ourselves to let go, albeit within defined conditions, times, places etc. that are appropriate to where we live?

DS is only 2, and agree 3 is too young. I don't know when the right age would be - it must depend on the child, the area, the other children around. Luckily, we are in a cul de sac, but there aren't any other children at the moment playing out. But there are at least 5 born within a year of DS so I wonder what will happen in a few years' time.

The worl is NOT more dangerous than we were young. We are just more aware about it.
I would not let ds1, nearly 3 play on his own on our front garden because it is a busy road and I think he is still a bit too young.
I wouldn't have problem with a 4 yo and a cul de sac.
Children can travel 'on their own', albeit 'supervised' by airline staff, to the other side of the world when they are just 5yo but noboddy seems to be happy to give that sort of autonomy on their front door. Where is the logic?

The world IS more dangerous

Even if you don't tkae into account the paedo risk which I agree is better covered today, the roads are MUCH busier than they used to be, and the fields that one (well we) used to play in are no longer, making kids go further afar for somewhere to play.
When I grew up our (council) house was bordered on each side by fields.... now it's estates and lo and behold, the kids have nowhere to go so lurk around the shops and street corners. And of course, more houses means more kids so it looks worse, although proportionately it isn't perhaps.

I suspect our kids are at far more risk from a passing Ford Focus than a stray Paedo (and that comes from someone within a few miles of Usk prison LOL!!!!)

I live within about an hour's drive of Soham. Sadly it is always in the back of my mind.

A had a conversation with my father the other day, I wanted my 15yo sister to come along to a birthday outing with me and my children. We have not seen her for at least 6 months. In the end she couldn't come because she would have to walk to the train station then she would have to be on th train (alone) for three stations and then get off - where I would meet her!

She has been sleeping with her boyfriend since she was 12 - meaning her first relationship has lasted longer than any of mine (ish) and yet she is not allowed to ride the train three stops.

Whe I pointed out that I used to travel the length of the country on three different trains twice a month every month from the age of 12 his response was "well she is not allowed to"

This I find sad.

When I am saying that the world is not nore dangereous than 20 years ago it is because :

• the number of death on the roads has actually decreased thanks to technolgy (brakes etc...) and speed limits in busy areas etc...
• the number of attacks and murders is still the same than 20 years not less (a shame) but not more either. There was an interresting article about it a few weeks ago in 'the Independant' and I think that we are just much more aware about the dangers and expect higher levels of safety than ever before. I would leave my 12 yo child (boy or girl) taking the train on his/her own. At that age, I was on the plane by myself doing a 24h trip (with 2 changes in international airports). We, as parents need to show to our children that the world is NOT such a dangerous place because they will never learn to live their lifes to the full. It is hard, it can be worrying but I would not want to stop my children doing something because I am scared.

Also, I think that children do what we expect them to do. If I don't expect my son to be streetwise and give him the opportunity to do so, I know he will never be. I have always expected my sons to be reasonnable enough (for their age) that I could let them walk on the pavements wo holding hands and none of them have ever run away from me and there are just 3 yo and 15 months...
I would be worried that my children, as adults, would not know how to behave in the streets if they don't have the opportunity to do so in a controlled environment when they are younger.

I completely agree. Yes, they may get teased in the park by other children and encounter difficult situations but being on their own at times helps them to be able to cope with a variety of different personalities, not all of them nice. They are learning to live in this world, and need to get out and about, cope with slightly stressful situations and meet very different people (one of the reasons I loathe private education, but don't get me started).

Obviously if it was an incredibly busy road that's a different case. But not allowing your child to roam nearby because they may be picked up by a peod is asking for trouble.

Or maybe (just maybe) there are less road deaths coz nobody lets their kids out any more? I don't know if that's the case, just hypothesizing.

I do agree we need to let them learn, but it has to be when they're ready- after 8 or so, it's all about where you live and who they are, not some universal thing.

Even high school is tough. Give them the skills to be able to cope.

I agree, though, I don't mean to generalise. There are so many different factors to take into account, I couldn't say eg 6 is the right age or whatever.

I do think 12 is a definite though.