How do I get the baby to nap in her cot, not on me?

[42andcounting]

DD is almost six months, always been a poor sleeper, and the only time she will settle in her cot is when I am in the bed beside her. She won't sleep until about 11pm, wakes 2-4 times to breast feed, but goes straight back to sleep, and wants to get up sometime between 6 & 8.

Daytime is a different story, she resists naps with all her might, will only sleep on my lap (even the pram doesn't work lately), and if I try to put her in the cot or on a blanket on the floor while she's asleep then she wakes instantly, won't go back to sleep and gets very distressed if I don't get her back up. If she doesn't nap at least briefly in the day, the night sleep goes to pot, so I end up letting her sleep on my lap in the day just for a little peace. DP works away Monday to Friday so I am on my own with her during that time.

I feel like leaving her to cry herself to sleep is the only option, but the idea makes me feel ill. I'd really appreciate any ideas that dont involve CC or CIO. Many thanks.

Sleep with her in the day time. Pop her beside you on the double bed and drift off!

I used to have to walk my DC every day for their naps. They stopped completely having naps at 18 months. The idea of having a nap myself was soooooo appealing, but I had to go out everyday hail or shine to get them to sleep.

I used to sleep in dcs cot as well some nights, and eventually got a mattress to put down beside the cot so I could sing them to sleep and stay warm myself under a little single duvet.

This phase won't last forever, so do treasure that closeness. Just lie down with her for nap time - a nap is lovely in the middle of the day, especially with a little snuggle babe :)

Could you try gradual retreat? The idea is to gradually wean her off needing your contact to get to sleep so you start, say, by lying next to her, but move away to the point you can get to without her crying, and let her calm down, then move a bit more away, etc etc. The Millpond Clinic book has a good description of it, and other gentle techniques. Also, is her room nice and dark? Ours wouldn't sleep in a light room (i.e. the slightest chink of light) from about 4m onwards. And you could also try white noise, some of them like that?

Have a read of the no cry sleep solution. It takes time (weeks for most) but doesn't involve leaving them to cry. First step is to teach going to sleep without nipple in mouth, breaking the suck to sleep cycle by removing breast just as they're going off, replace if they cry, wait 10s, repeat, repeat a lot!

For something quicker you could do gradual retreat or pick up put down. Both involve crying but you can stay with them for reassurance.

Starting with the night time sleep (which I'd move slowly towards 7, say by 15mins per night) will make it easier on you both. I'd ignore the naps (do whatever you need to do to get her to sleep) and focus on the nights first.

If it helps, DS was like this and worse overnight at 6m and was sleeping through by 8m. In his case he wasn't getting enough food through bf tbh. Thought he was fine as always tracked 50th centile (born 2-9th skinny) then when i fed him real food up he shot to 98th. He's mega tall and still skinny! So i was starving him poor baby.

Good luck.

Thanks all, lots of good ideas to try there.

Venus, I must admit yours sounds most inviting - she is such a cuddly little bundle - but I need something that doesn't involve me nodding off for two hours myself (older mum + night feeds = could sleep on a clothesline).

I will definately give them all a go though, and thanks for not telling me to just man up and let her cry. And as Sunshine says, it may all improve anyway when we start weaning next week, fingers crossed!

Thank you all