Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Do you find time to pursue any leisure activities for your own relaxation?

22 replies

GotAnotherQuestion · 08/04/2014 20:05

Do you write off the early years as a parent, especially if your children not yet at school, or is there some way to squeeze in some R&R for yourself as a person?

If so, what activities do you do, and how do you manage to fit it in?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

okthen · 08/04/2014 20:09

I go to Zumba once a week. I write for pleasure 1-2 evenings a week, sometimes co-writing with a friend. All after the kids are in bed. Early bedtime (7pm) is a godsend in this respect.

I occasionally go out for lunch or something at the weekend. Partner has kids then.

And once or twice a year I go away for a night on my own (me and best friend have an annual minibreak- often at one our houses but kid-free; and then there is bound to be a hen do or some such). Again partner has kids.

So in summary: early bedtime and partner child care is how I fit a small amount of 'me' time in.

okthen · 08/04/2014 20:10

Ps kids are 1 and 4

Doodlekitty · 08/04/2014 20:14

I have an 18 month old. Once a week I go to a knitting group on an evening and DH or my Mam have the boyo. I also knit when he is in bed.
I'm currently trying to introduce a second night, for an exercise class, possibly pilates, but this is proving difficult as DH finds it stressful to settle him and I cant be bothered with the fallout. It will happen eventually though.

I would go mad without at least 1 activity which is just for me

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 08/04/2014 20:24

Thank you for your speedy answers.

Okthen - does your other half babysit for your Zumba class night, and does that go ok?

I think my experience is more likely to be like that of Doodlekitty, because as it is already DH finds it massively stressful to put the kids to bed when I there to do at the very least least the majority half of it!

OP posts:

Nevercan · 08/04/2014 20:33

I go swimming two nights a week straight after work whilst hubbie picks up kids and puts them to bed. I am back home at 7pm. I also sneak off on a sat afternoon occasionally for a shop for an hour or two whilst they are watching a movie

Nevercan · 08/04/2014 20:33

Ps kids are 2 and 4

kiwiscantfly · 08/04/2014 20:35

I have had sewing classes once a week for the past school term, DH puts DD aged 3 to bed. Once a month I also go to a craft class. I think the secret for me with regards to getting out of the house is not to stress about how DH is getting on. Out of sight out of mind.

okthen · 08/04/2014 20:40

Yes DP is at home with kids when I go to Zumba. It doesn't start til 8pm so they are always long asleep by then.

An earlier class would be trickier, but he'd be ok putting kids to bed alone (we both do the bedroom shift alone from time to time).

When I was still breastfeeding ds (and he was a nightmare to settle) I couldn't have gone out earlier tho.

SquidgersMummy · 08/04/2014 23:01

Hahahahaha....., erm no. But we have no family nearby, DH works away Mon-Thurs and just weaned off booby now at 20mths. I am trying to find a new job, near DHs job, so we can all be away in the week and share the daily grind of washing, dishes, packing bags........seems to me lots of mums take most of the strain really when it comes to childrearing. There's always people on here with partners who really do half but I really think that's rare. I only know one or two couples like this in 20. I don't mind as I am in my late 30s so have had lots of me time but I would love to go to Pilates or something in the week....

SquidgersMummy · 08/04/2014 23:04

(Sorry - that sounded like I have just weaned DH of booby....he would report he hasn't seen them much of late!! )

ancientbuchanan · 08/04/2014 23:05

Other than mumsnet, no.

I work full time, as did DH.

He used to have one night off a week.

That's it.

BackforGood · 08/04/2014 23:14

Depends on so many other factors - like if you WOTH, and if so, what hours you work; like what hours your partner is outside the house / gets in; like what your finances are like (can you get a babysitter if need be, or pay for a cleaner or afford treats like meals out, or afford the hobby); like where you live - choice of activities, accessibility of activities, etc. ; if you drive/have your own transport.

okthen · 09/04/2014 07:48

I would add that although me and DP both get 'me' time (he also does his own activities, or one or the the other of us goes out to meet a friend), the upshot is that we have hardly any 'us' time. Maybe 2-3 evenings per week. I'm not sure that's good for us long term. But at the moment the only free time we have is after kids in bed, and since we can't go out together without a babysitter (very rare we do this), one or the other of us is often out.

So although I/we have Me Time, it does come with its downside.

I do feel that when kids are young, it's pretty impossible to nurture them, yourself and your relationship fully. Obv nurturing them fully is a given- so the other things inevitably slide, to different degrees. That's how it is for me, anyway.

slightlyconfused85 · 09/04/2014 08:17

I go swimming or to choir one eve a week. My dp gets home early to do bath and bed for our 17mo dd. Sometimes I meet a friend for a few hours on a Sat or Sun and dp looks after dd. Once a month my mum has dd and dp and I have some time together

ZuleikaD · 09/04/2014 08:26

Yes, both DH and I have stuff we do and we make time for each other to do our things. I go to knit group sometimes on a Tuesday evening, and I knit a bit during the day. I also blog, go out with a friend for a night every couple of months and have regular days out on a Saturday.

To those who's DH's find it stressful putting the kids down, I can recommend giving him more practice. Of course it's stressful, it's stressful for us as well, that's no reason to let them off the equal parenting hook!

lola88 · 09/04/2014 09:32

I do zumba twice a week and a slimming club once it's only an hour each time DP wouldn't dare complain about it one night falls at dinner time and one at bedtime he just deals with it. I don't worry about if they are getting on ok I just say bye and leave I just think to myself if DP can't take care of DS for one hour then we have more serious issues than me time.

I also go out with friends every couple of months I do try to do it when DS is at his grandparents overnight but if not DP is there. Most of the mums I know take me time and the ones who get no me time tend to be very stressed apart from 1 mum who is happy to be with her children constantly.

spritesoright · 09/04/2014 09:51

Not really. DD2 is only 7weeks though and I do plan on going back to my running club one night a week once she's a bit older (and I am a bit fitter). At the moment I'm doing a postnatal Pilate's and buggy fitness class on the days DD2 is at nursery.Which sort of counts?
I agree that DH and I are currently short on "us" time. We don't even sleep in the same bed ATM. But until DD2 is big enough to be babysat that is not really going to happen.

spritesoright · 09/04/2014 09:52

DD1 is at Nursery obviously, not DD2.

thatdarncat · 09/04/2014 15:23

Not really. DD is 24 weeks and in a good routine for naps but between housework and trying to eat/wash/dress I don't get much me-time even when she is napping. DH works away, when he is home I get a tiny bit of me-time if he takes her to visit his parents but even then that afternoon is spent running errands/more bloody housework. It's a constant cycle of priorities and unfortunately me-time is way down on the list. I think you have to accept this in the early years, especially if for whatever reasons one parent does the lions share of the child-rearing.

okthen · 09/04/2014 15:46

I find it helpful to think of 'ringfencing' the activities that are really important to both of you- and making those things happen. It might be exercise, reading a book, or a lie in once a week. What is important to each of you and how can you ensure you schedule this into the week?

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 09/04/2014 16:25

We've finally realised that it takes a fair bit of planning or else it doesn't happen!

I think in our case, because there's shift work involved (no two days off the same each week), that it makes planning a whole rota even more vital.

Gone are the days of just letting it evolve nicely!

OP posts:

StephenKatz · 09/04/2014 17:29

I'm quite lucky I think. I'm a SAHM with two DDs, 2 and 4 (4 year old does her 15 hours nursery, starts school in September) DH works full time but does an early shift 6am-2:30pm. The 'early' finish allows me to have time to myself before bedtime, so DH and I can have 'us' time after the kids go to bed.

I go for a swim on a Monday afternoon, then stop at the supermarket afterwards to do the weekly shop (I'm the ultimate saddo who loves doing the weekly shop and small chilkdren spoil this for me!)
I do an exercise class on a Wednesday but this is after the kids have gone to bed so doesn't really affect DH's telly watching!
I go to the gym on a Friday afternoon.

DH is always offered 'me time' but he rarely takes it, which makes me feel guilty for wanting time away from the kids so much, but he's great and never begrudges my time to myself.

We put the kids to bed at 6:15 because of his early starts, it's the only way we get a bit of us time before he has to go to sleep. We get family/friend babysitting help around once every six months. I wish it could be more but my DM and a good friend are the only ones who can do it and they both work full time in busy jobs, and I don't like asking more often than that.

Flip